1
00:00:01,924 --> 00:00:03,642
How much time do we have?
2
00:00:03,726 --> 00:00:05,827
Uh, t-minus five hours,
37 minutes
3
00:00:05,895 --> 00:00:07,462
To onset of meteor shower.
4
00:00:07,513 --> 00:00:10,382
Okay, our position
is 34.48 degrees north,
5
00:00:10,450 --> 00:00:11,566
118.31 west.
6
00:00:11,634 --> 00:00:12,818
That means the azimuth
7
00:00:12,902 --> 00:00:14,135
Should be...
8
00:00:14,187 --> 00:00:17,439
168.22 degrees relative
to magnetic north
9
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:20,058
With an elevation
of 49.93.
10
00:00:20,126 --> 00:00:21,410
Anything yet?
11
00:00:21,477 --> 00:00:25,447
Uh, we have a signal,
but there's no frame lock.
12
00:00:25,498 --> 00:00:27,365
Ha. How about now?
-We did it.
13
00:00:27,450 --> 00:00:30,819
We have the west
coast feed of HBO.
14
00:00:30,870 --> 00:00:33,705
Ooh, Real Sex.
15
00:00:33,706 --> 00:00:35,424
Big deal. Every time
I watch that show
16
00:00:35,491 --> 00:00:37,709
18
00:00:43,015 --> 00:00:44,349
Oh, hey. Dune.
19
00:00:46,018 --> 00:00:47,969
Not a great movie,
20
00:00:48,020 --> 00:00:49,921
But look
at that beautiful desert.
21
00:00:49,989 --> 00:00:51,540
(sighs)
22
00:00:51,607 --> 00:00:54,374
Too bad Sheldon
couldn't come with us.
23
00:00:54,442 --> 00:00:56,459
Oh it's just not the same without him.
24
00:00:56,527 --> 00:00:58,845
(all laughing)
25
00:01:04,719 --> 00:01:06,669
Oh, this sucks
I'm switching back to Real Sex.
26
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:16,525
Sheldon's log.
stardate 63345.3
27
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:18,394
While my colleagues are off
28
00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:20,195
Observing the Leonid
meteor shower,
29
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,865
I have remained behind
to complete my paper
30
00:01:22,866 --> 00:01:26,166
On the decays of highly excited
massive string states.
31
00:01:26,202 --> 00:01:28,203
Although my research is going well
32
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:31,707
I do miss the warmth of human companionship.
33
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,878
Hahaha.
34
00:02:03,995 --> 00:02:07,031
And good evening to you,
Siam Palace.
35
00:02:07,098 --> 00:02:08,666
This is Sheldon Cooper.
36
00:02:08,700 --> 00:02:10,101
Yeah, I'm going to be
dining alone this evening,
37
00:02:10,152 --> 00:02:12,603
So I'll be reducing
my usual order.
38
00:02:12,655 --> 00:02:15,473
I'd like to start
with one quarter
39
00:02:15,541 --> 00:02:17,208
Of the assorted appetizers plate
40
00:02:17,276 --> 00:02:21,229
And, uh, one half
of the golden treasure for two.
41
00:02:22,047 --> 00:02:23,197
Oh, for heaven's sake
42
00:02:23,265 --> 00:02:24,765
In the mid-18th century,
43
00:02:24,817 --> 00:02:27,652
King Rama IV of Siam
divided a huge empire
44
00:02:27,736 --> 00:02:29,570
Amongst the colonial powers
of Europe
45
00:02:29,621 --> 00:02:31,272
In order to preserve his throne.
46
00:02:31,323 --> 00:02:33,207
Surely, you,
his cultural desendant,
47
00:02:33,275 --> 00:02:35,743
Can handle pad thai
and dumplings.
48
00:02:35,794 --> 00:02:37,578
Penny (screaming):
Sheldon help!
49
00:02:37,629 --> 00:02:40,048
I need to go--
but you keep in mind
50
00:02:40,132 --> 00:02:41,499
That my sharply worded comments
51
00:02:41,583 --> 00:02:43,634
On yelp.Com recently took down
a local muffin store.
52
00:02:48,173 --> 00:02:50,658
Penny. Penny. Penny.
53
00:02:52,062 --> 00:02:53,479
Come in! Hurry! (water running)
54
00:02:55,063 --> 00:02:56,113
Penny?
55
00:02:56,181 --> 00:02:57,481
I'm back here.
56
00:03:02,153 --> 00:03:04,972
Penny. Penny. Penny.
57
00:03:05,023 --> 00:03:08,309
Oh, for god's sakes,
I'm in the bathroom!
58
00:03:08,376 --> 00:03:11,662
Shall I come back
at a better time?
59
00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:14,281
Get in here! Hurry!
60
00:03:17,282 --> 00:03:18,282
Don't you dare knock.
61
00:03:22,883 --> 00:03:23,583
Hello.
62
00:03:24,977 --> 00:03:25,732
I slipped in the shower,
63
00:03:25,733 --> 00:03:27,733
And I think I dislocated my shoulder.
64
00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:30,451
Not surprising.
65
00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:32,587
You have no safety mat
or adhesive stickers
66
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:34,539
To allow for purchase on a surface
67
00:03:34,623 --> 00:03:37,175
With a low coefficient
of static friction.
68
00:03:37,243 --> 00:03:39,277
What?
69
00:03:39,345 --> 00:03:41,646
Tubs are slippery.
70
00:03:41,714 --> 00:03:43,965
I know. I slipped.
71
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,000
I have a series
of whimsical duck stickers
72
00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:48,052
On the bottom of my tub.
73
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:49,187
Yeah, okay, whatever.
74
00:03:49,255 --> 00:03:51,022
Will you just turn the water off
and help me up?
75
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:54,008
They're holding
umbrellas.
76
00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:55,727
(groans) what?
77
00:03:55,794 --> 00:03:57,278
The ducks in my tub.
78
00:03:57,346 --> 00:03:58,646
Uh-huh.
79
00:03:58,647 --> 00:04:00,647
They're whimsical because ducks
have neither the need for
80
00:04:00,650 --> 00:04:02,735
Nor the ability to use umbrellas.
81
00:04:03,819 --> 00:04:06,187
Oh, my god. I got to go
to the emergency room.
82
00:04:06,238 --> 00:04:08,489
Well, assuming you're correct
that your right humerus
83
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,158
Is no longer seated
in the glenoid socket,
84
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:12,810
I would certainly think so.
Okay, can you drive me?
85
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,245
I don't drive.
86
00:04:14,330 --> 00:04:15,396
Well, I can't drive!
87
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:18,249
Well, it seems we've reached
an impasse.
88
00:04:18,334 --> 00:04:19,584
Ow.
89
00:04:19,668 --> 00:04:22,403
I could call you a cab
or an ambulance.
No, no, no.
90
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:23,104
I can't wait that long.
91
00:04:23,155 --> 00:04:24,472
You got to help me, please.
92
00:04:25,741 --> 00:04:28,493
All right. Let it never be said
that Sheldon Lee Cooper
93
00:04:28,578 --> 00:04:30,612
Ignored the pleas
of a damsel in distress.
94
00:04:30,663 --> 00:04:32,430
No one's saying that.
Let's go.
95
00:04:32,498 --> 00:04:34,165
Well, it does seem rather ironic
96
00:04:34,250 --> 00:04:36,418
That for want
of 99-cent adhesive ducks,
97
00:04:36,419 --> 00:04:39,487
We both might die
in a fiery car crash.
98
00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:42,540
I wish Penny didn't for want
didn't have to work.
99
00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:43,675
She loves camping.
100
00:04:43,759 --> 00:04:45,293
Yeah, that would
have been great.
101
00:04:45,344 --> 00:04:46,978
You and Penny having sex
in the tent
102
00:04:47,046 --> 00:04:49,831
While I sit out here
and watch Howard hump a cactus.
103
00:04:51,217 --> 00:04:54,469
Okay, the best I can tell,
104
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,054
There are eight other
campsites nearby.
105
00:04:56,138 --> 00:04:57,505
Mostly science nerds like us,
106
00:04:57,556 --> 00:05:00,642
But just over yon
ridge are two
107
00:05:00,693 --> 00:05:02,527
Not unattractive
middle school teachers
108
00:05:02,612 --> 00:05:04,362
Who reek of desperation.
109
00:05:04,397 --> 00:05:06,314
Wow. Wonderful.
110
00:05:08,117 --> 00:05:09,701
How old are they?
Oh I don't know. 50, 55.
111
00:05:11,037 --> 00:05:12,621
Oh, menopause.
112
00:05:13,823 --> 00:05:16,157
Nature's birth control.
113
00:05:16,208 --> 00:05:17,325
Come on.
114
00:05:17,393 --> 00:05:19,077
You guys can't be that hard up.
115
00:05:19,161 --> 00:05:21,195
I am.
Yeah, me, too.
116
00:05:24,634 --> 00:05:25,583
Look-- they gave me homeade cookies
of course, they did.
117
00:05:25,651 --> 00:05:27,252
That's what grandmothers do.
118
00:05:27,336 --> 00:05:28,887
So, what are we waiting for?
119
00:05:28,971 --> 00:05:29,988
(chuckling):
Relax.
120
00:05:30,056 --> 00:05:31,806
I said we'd stop by
a little later
121
00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:33,925
After they have their nap.
122
00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:35,010
Good idea.
123
00:05:35,061 --> 00:05:36,177
They'll be refreshed.
124
00:05:36,228 --> 00:05:37,595
Cookie?
125
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:39,380
Yeah. Thank you.
126
00:05:43,152 --> 00:05:44,402
Not bad.
127
00:05:44,437 --> 00:05:45,820
Yeah, very tasty.
128
00:05:45,888 --> 00:05:47,555
Well, so tell me more
about these teachers.
129
00:05:47,606 --> 00:05:48,857
Not much to tell.
130
00:05:48,908 --> 00:05:50,575
They had a VW Microbus
131
00:05:50,660 --> 00:05:53,578
And were wearing tie-dyed
Grateful Dead shirts.
132
00:05:53,663 --> 00:05:55,447
Huh.
133
00:05:55,531 --> 00:05:57,666
Mmm.
134
00:05:57,733 --> 00:05:59,751
Good cookies.
135
00:06:04,674 --> 00:06:08,576
I see no organizational
system in here whatsoever.
136
00:06:09,929 --> 00:06:12,263
Which panties do you
wear on mondays?
137
00:06:12,348 --> 00:06:14,032
I don't need panties.
138
00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:15,734
I just need shorts
and a shirt.
139
00:06:15,801 --> 00:06:18,286
My mother always told me one
should wear clean underpants
140
00:06:18,354 --> 00:06:19,938
In case one is in an accident.
141
00:06:20,022 --> 00:06:22,057
One was already in an accident.
142
00:06:22,108 --> 00:06:23,725
That doesn't mean one
won't be in another,
143
00:06:23,776 --> 00:06:25,143
Especially if I'm driving.
144
00:06:25,227 --> 00:06:26,361
Clothes, Sheldon.
145
00:06:26,445 --> 00:06:27,729
I need clothes!
Okay.
146
00:06:27,780 --> 00:06:29,481
Here.
147
00:06:29,565 --> 00:06:31,266
Seriously?
Those shorts with that top?
148
00:06:32,952 --> 00:06:34,936
All right.
149
00:06:36,205 --> 00:06:37,822
No.
150
00:06:39,575 --> 00:06:41,743
No.
151
00:06:41,794 --> 00:06:43,495
Oh, that's cute.
152
00:06:44,714 --> 00:06:46,965
We should have you checked
for a concussion.
153
00:06:46,966 --> 00:06:48,750
(sighs)
okay.
154
00:06:48,801 --> 00:06:50,921
Now, you got to help me
put these on.
155
00:06:51,006 --> 00:06:52,923
All right.
But don't look.
156
00:06:53,008 --> 00:06:55,793
Don't look?
I don't want you
to see me naked.
157
00:06:55,877 --> 00:06:56,877
Oh.
158
00:06:56,928 --> 00:06:58,529
Well, that's understandable.
159
00:06:58,597 --> 00:07:02,001
You may be interested to know
that a prohibition against looking
160
00:07:02,017 --> 00:07:04,185
Is well established
in heroic mythology.
161
00:07:04,252 --> 00:07:07,371
Uh, Lot and his wife,
Perseus and Medusa,
162
00:07:07,439 --> 00:07:09,223
Orpheus and Eurydi...
Yeah, great.
163
00:07:09,274 --> 00:07:10,274
They always look.
164
00:07:10,358 --> 00:07:11,143
It never ends well.
165
00:07:12,227 --> 00:07:14,756
Ok, now you gotta help me get my arm
into the sleeve.
166
00:07:14,757 --> 00:07:15,757
Ok.
167
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:21,408
Is that my arm?
168
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:27,447
It doesn't feel
like an arm.
169
00:07:27,532 --> 00:07:30,350
Then, maybe you
should let it go.
170
00:07:32,203 --> 00:07:34,204
All righty.
171
00:07:47,022 --> 00:07:49,523
Stars are pretty, aren't they?
172
00:07:51,524 --> 00:07:53,524
Up above the world so high,
173
00:07:53,591 --> 00:07:57,077
Like little diamonds in the sky.
174
00:07:57,145 --> 00:08:00,413
That's beautiful, dude.
175
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:02,115
You should...
You should write that down
176
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:05,012
Before someone steals it.
177
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,714
-So, when do the meteors get here?
-The meteors don't get here.
178
00:08:07,798 --> 00:08:09,766
The earth is moving
into their path.
179
00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:11,718
I can feel it.
180
00:08:13,921 --> 00:08:17,123
I can feel
the earth moving.
181
00:08:18,175 --> 00:08:19,392
It's moving too fast.
182
00:08:19,477 --> 00:08:21,144
Raj, slow it down.
183
00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:32,172
Okay, how's that?
184
00:08:33,223 --> 00:08:35,875
Better. Thanks.
185
00:08:35,943 --> 00:08:38,411
Stars are pretty,
aren't they?
186
00:08:38,479 --> 00:08:41,197
(laughing)
187
00:08:42,833 --> 00:08:44,417
What's so funny?
188
00:08:44,485 --> 00:08:45,852
It's your American accent.
189
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:47,420
Everything you say
sounds stupid.
190
00:08:47,505 --> 00:08:48,672
(laughing)
191
00:08:49,957 --> 00:08:51,791
(american accent):
"stars are pretty, aren't they?"
192
00:08:51,876 --> 00:08:53,476
(laughing)
193
00:08:55,513 --> 00:08:57,430
(all laughing)
194
00:09:00,301 --> 00:09:03,178
For the record, I
should let you know
195
00:09:03,245 --> 00:09:06,848
This is my first time driving
an actual motor vehicle.
196
00:09:08,134 --> 00:09:09,918
You have your
learner's permit, right?
197
00:09:09,969 --> 00:09:11,353
Yes, and I have logged
198
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:13,922
A considerable number of hours
on a simulator.
199
00:09:13,973 --> 00:09:16,608
-Good.
-Didn't work out well.
200
00:09:16,642 --> 00:09:18,610
All right,
can we please go?
One moment.
201
00:09:18,644 --> 00:09:20,545
According to my driver's ed book,
a side mirror is properly adjusted
202
00:09:22,782 --> 00:09:25,005
When a portion of the is
driver's door handle
203
00:09:25,073 --> 00:09:26,640
Is visible in the
lower right corner.
204
00:09:26,675 --> 00:09:27,725
There's the handle.
205
00:09:27,792 --> 00:09:29,126
Oh, no, too far.
206
00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:31,845
Bringing it back.
207
00:09:31,930 --> 00:09:33,230
Optimized.
208
00:09:33,298 --> 00:09:34,932
Now, where is the switch
209
00:09:34,983 --> 00:09:37,067
To adjust
the passenger side mirror?
210
00:09:37,135 --> 00:09:38,986
It's right there.
211
00:09:40,471 --> 00:09:42,823
Where is the passenger
side mirror?
212
00:09:43,858 --> 00:09:46,026
In a parking lot in Hollywood.
213
00:09:48,335 --> 00:09:50,670
-Now, can we please go?
-Yes. As soon as I adjust my seat.
214
00:09:52,256 --> 00:09:54,006
Whee!
215
00:09:59,847 --> 00:10:00,963
Oh, dear.
216
00:10:01,014 --> 00:10:02,899
I'm going to have
start again.
217
00:10:11,608 --> 00:10:14,743
If I could speak
the language of rabbits,
218
00:10:14,811 --> 00:10:18,414
They would be amazed,
and I would be their king.
219
00:10:20,017 --> 00:10:21,086
I hate my name.
220
00:10:23,070 --> 00:10:25,488
It has "nerd" in it.
221
00:10:28,159 --> 00:10:31,561
Len-nerd.
222
00:10:32,829 --> 00:10:34,948
I lost my virginity
to my cousin Jeanie.
223
00:10:37,785 --> 00:10:40,053
I would be kind
to my rabbit subjects.
224
00:10:42,689 --> 00:10:44,990
At first.
225
00:10:45,058 --> 00:10:47,727
You know what's a cool name?
226
00:10:47,778 --> 00:10:50,246
Angelo.
227
00:10:50,313 --> 00:10:53,649
That has angel and jell-o in it.
228
00:10:54,851 --> 00:10:56,786
It was my Uncle Murray's
funeral.
229
00:10:56,853 --> 00:10:59,255
We were all back
at my Aunt Barbara's house.
230
00:10:59,322 --> 00:11:01,741
Our eyes locked
over the pickled herring.
231
00:11:01,808 --> 00:11:03,793
We never meant for it to happen.
232
00:11:05,295 --> 00:11:08,381
One day, I hold a great ball
for the President of France,
233
00:11:08,448 --> 00:11:10,566
But the rabbits--
they hate me and don't come.
234
00:11:10,634 --> 00:11:13,536
I am embarrassed, so I eat
all the lettuce in the world
235
00:11:13,603 --> 00:11:15,621
And make them watch.
236
00:11:16,923 --> 00:11:18,924
People could call me Angie.
237
00:11:21,128 --> 00:11:24,180
(Ã la Sylvester Stallone):
Yo, angie, how's it goin'?
238
00:11:24,847 --> 00:11:30,398
To this day, I can't look at pickled herring
without being arroused. That is a shame.
239
00:11:31,617 --> 00:11:33,952
oh! Cousin Jeanie.
240
00:11:36,639 --> 00:11:38,907
(sighs)
241
00:11:38,958 --> 00:11:41,660
Could you please drive
a little faster?
242
00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:44,462
Oh, I think we're going
sufficiently fast.
243
00:11:44,547 --> 00:11:46,064
(mechanical clunking)
244
00:11:46,132 --> 00:11:48,083
What's that?
245
00:11:48,134 --> 00:11:50,001
Nothing. The engine does that
sometimes.
246
00:11:50,086 --> 00:11:51,169
It can't be nothing.
247
00:11:51,254 --> 00:11:52,337
The check engine light is on.
248
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:53,755
We need
to find a service station.
249
00:11:53,806 --> 00:11:56,091
No. The light has been on
since I bought the car.
250
00:11:56,142 --> 00:11:57,475
All the more reason
251
00:11:57,510 --> 00:12:00,262
To consult with a mechanic
before it explodes.
252
00:12:00,313 --> 00:12:01,563
It's not going to explode.
253
00:12:01,630 --> 00:12:02,848
Just keep driving.
254
00:12:02,932 --> 00:12:06,101
Warp speed ahead, Mr. Spock.
255
00:12:06,152 --> 00:12:10,188
Mr. Spock did not pilot
the Enterprise.
256
00:12:10,273 --> 00:12:12,941
He was the science officer,
and I guarantee you that
257
00:12:12,992 --> 00:12:15,527
If he ever saw the Enterprise's
check engine light blinking,
258
00:12:15,611 --> 00:12:18,330
He would pull the ship over
immediately.
259
00:12:18,414 --> 00:12:21,783
Oh, god, I'm gonna lose the arm.
260
00:12:21,834 --> 00:12:22,984
Oh, oh, red light.
261
00:12:23,035 --> 00:12:25,153
Release accelerator
262
00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:29,291
And slowly apply...
the... brake.
263
00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:33,879
Nailed it.
264
00:12:36,766 --> 00:12:39,968
While we have a moment,
may I ask you a question?
265
00:12:40,019 --> 00:12:41,353
What?
266
00:12:41,437 --> 00:12:43,722
Why do you have the
Chinese character for soup
267
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:45,840
Tattooed on your
right buttock?
268
00:12:45,908 --> 00:12:47,609
It's not soup.
269
00:12:47,610 --> 00:12:48,843
It's courage.
270
00:12:48,895 --> 00:12:50,295
No, it isn't.
271
00:12:50,363 --> 00:12:52,530
But I suppose
it does take courage
272
00:12:52,615 --> 00:12:56,368
To demonstrate that kind
of commitment to soup.
273
00:12:56,435 --> 00:12:58,320
How did you see it?
274
00:12:58,371 --> 00:12:59,821
You said you wouldn't look.
275
00:12:59,872 --> 00:13:01,022
Sorry.
276
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:04,276
As I told you, the
hero always peeks.
277
00:13:13,302 --> 00:13:14,452
Anything?
278
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,038
No. That was the last
pudding cup.
279
00:13:17,089 --> 00:13:19,207
No!
280
00:13:19,258 --> 00:13:21,509
What about Slim Jims?
281
00:13:25,147 --> 00:13:29,384
That's what he used to eat his pudding, remember?
Right! That was so good!
282
00:13:29,435 --> 00:13:33,388
Sweety and meaty
at the same time.
283
00:13:33,439 --> 00:13:35,690
Wait. Wait, wait.
So you're saying
284
00:13:35,741 --> 00:13:37,075
We're out of food?
285
00:13:37,159 --> 00:13:39,727
The only thing in here
are blue ice packs.
286
00:13:39,779 --> 00:13:41,830
I know they're poison,
287
00:13:41,897 --> 00:13:45,750
But they look like big,
yummy otter pops.
288
00:13:47,036 --> 00:13:48,903
Oh, god, I am so hungry.
289
00:13:48,955 --> 00:13:50,105
Me, too.
290
00:13:50,172 --> 00:13:53,675
Check and see
if we have any more pudding.
291
00:14:00,283 --> 00:14:02,634
All right, there's no need
to bark at me.
292
00:14:04,437 --> 00:14:06,754
According to the inexplicably
irritable nurse behind the desk,
293
00:14:06,806 --> 00:14:08,306
You'll be seen after the man
294
00:14:08,391 --> 00:14:10,408
who claims
to be having a heart attack,
295
00:14:10,476 --> 00:14:11,977
But appears to be well enough
296
00:14:12,061 --> 00:14:14,796
To play Doodle Jump
on his iphone.
297
00:14:14,864 --> 00:14:17,649
We have to fill these out.
298
00:14:18,985 --> 00:14:20,902
"describe illness or injury."
299
00:14:20,953 --> 00:14:23,438
I dislocated
my shoulder.
300
00:14:23,489 --> 00:14:25,173
All right.
301
00:14:25,241 --> 00:14:27,926
And how did the accident occur?
302
00:14:27,994 --> 00:14:30,412
You ready know that.
303
00:14:30,479 --> 00:14:32,464
"cause of accident."
304
00:14:32,548 --> 00:14:34,632
"lack of adhesive ducks."
305
00:14:36,652 --> 00:14:39,421
Okay, medical history.
306
00:14:39,472 --> 00:14:41,423
"Have you ever been diagnosed
with diabetes?"
307
00:14:41,490 --> 00:14:43,024
No.
Kidney disease?
308
00:14:43,092 --> 00:14:44,759
No.
Migraines?
309
00:14:44,810 --> 00:14:46,811
Getting one.
310
00:14:47,813 --> 00:14:49,431
"Are you currently
pregnant?"
no.
311
00:14:49,482 --> 00:14:50,598
Are you sure?
312
00:14:50,649 --> 00:14:51,883
You look a bit puffy.
313
00:14:54,020 --> 00:14:56,137
Change migraine to yes.
314
00:14:57,406 --> 00:14:59,357
"When was your last
menstrual period?"
315
00:14:59,442 --> 00:15:00,992
Oh. Next question.
316
00:15:01,077 --> 00:15:03,144
I'll put, "in progress."
317
00:15:05,081 --> 00:15:07,532
Okay, moving
to psychiatric disorders.
318
00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,367
"list all major
behavioral diagnoses,
319
00:15:09,452 --> 00:15:11,436
"e.g. Depression,
anxiety, etcetera."
320
00:15:11,504 --> 00:15:13,872
Oh, my god, what the
hell does this have
321
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:15,357
to do with my
stupid shoulder?!
322
00:15:15,424 --> 00:15:18,659
"episodes of sub psychotic
rage."
323
00:15:20,196 --> 00:15:21,596
Ass.
324
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,681
"possible tourette's."
325
00:15:25,017 --> 00:15:29,270
All right. "moles, lesions
or other skin conditions."
326
00:15:29,338 --> 00:15:31,856
"soup tattoo on right buttock."
327
00:15:31,941 --> 00:15:33,274
Hey, Sheldon,
Sheldon, look,
328
00:15:33,342 --> 00:15:35,643
I am scared and
in a lot of pain.
329
00:15:36,714 --> 00:15:40,565
Could you please just take a
break from being you and try being--
330
00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:43,485
I don't know--
comforting?
331
00:15:43,552 --> 00:15:46,337
I'm sorry.
332
00:15:47,373 --> 00:15:49,524
There, there.
333
00:15:50,793 --> 00:15:52,794
Everything's going
to be fine.
334
00:16:00,886 --> 00:16:02,887
Sheldon's here.
335
00:16:09,395 --> 00:16:11,146
Thanks.
336
00:16:11,213 --> 00:16:13,565
That's much better.
337
00:16:14,950 --> 00:16:17,202
Oh, I'm so hungry!
338
00:16:17,269 --> 00:16:18,686
Will you shut up?
339
00:16:18,754 --> 00:16:20,888
We're all hungry.
340
00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:22,723
Okay, our objective is
341
00:16:22,775 --> 00:16:24,576
The boy scout
campsite to the east.
342
00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:25,944
Easy target.
343
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:29,063
Big doughy scout master,
couple of cubs, most webelos.
344
00:16:29,115 --> 00:16:30,415
What kind of score
we looking at?
345
00:16:30,499 --> 00:16:31,583
Hot dogs, buns, s'mores.
346
00:16:31,667 --> 00:16:33,168
I mean, it's a freaking 7-11.
347
00:16:33,235 --> 00:16:34,335
Leonard:
All right,
348
00:16:34,403 --> 00:16:36,421
Everyone grab flashlights.
349
00:16:39,241 --> 00:16:41,543
Oh, my god, could it be?
350
00:16:41,594 --> 00:16:42,844
Yes!
351
00:16:42,911 --> 00:16:45,763
My mother put an "I love you"
brisket in my backpack.
352
00:16:45,798 --> 00:16:46,747
Quick, get forks.
353
00:16:46,799 --> 00:16:48,133
You don't need forks.
354
00:16:48,217 --> 00:16:49,917
It's so tender,
it falls apart in your hands.
355
00:16:49,969 --> 00:16:51,970
He's right.
356
00:17:00,713 --> 00:17:02,897
I feel like we're forgetting
something important.
357
00:17:02,948 --> 00:17:04,949
Me, too.
But what?
358
00:17:07,153 --> 00:17:11,956
Maybe a tupperware bowl
of roasted potatoes and carrots?
359
00:17:12,041 --> 00:17:13,992
Yes!
Yes!
360
00:17:17,997 --> 00:17:22,333
Now remember, you were given
powerful pain medication
361
00:17:22,418 --> 00:17:24,052
And a muscle relaxer,
362
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:26,721
So, uh, don't operate
heavy machinery.
363
00:17:29,175 --> 00:17:31,342
Try not to choke
on your own drool.
364
00:17:32,794 --> 00:17:34,128
Wait. You have
365
00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:35,963
To help me get into bed.
366
00:17:36,015 --> 00:17:38,950
(laughs)
367
00:17:39,018 --> 00:17:42,437
Sheldon has to get me into bed.
368
00:17:43,572 --> 00:17:47,141
Bet you never thought
I'd say that.
369
00:17:47,193 --> 00:17:49,194
Yes.
370
00:17:50,496 --> 00:17:53,481
The charm of your drug addled
candor knows no bounds.
371
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:59,621
You know, people think
you're this weird robot man
372
00:17:59,672 --> 00:18:03,091
Who's so annoying all the time,
and you totally are.
373
00:18:03,158 --> 00:18:07,545
But then it's like that movie
Wall-e at the end.
374
00:18:07,630 --> 00:18:09,631
You're so full of love,
375
00:18:09,682 --> 00:18:11,999
And you can save a plant
376
00:18:12,051 --> 00:18:15,737
And get fat people
out of the floaty chairs.
377
00:18:16,514 --> 00:18:20,892
That's a fairly labored metaphor,
but I apprecte the sentiment behind it.
378
00:18:20,976 --> 00:18:24,145
Sing "Soft Kitty" to me.
379
00:18:27,950 --> 00:18:29,784
"Soft Kitty" is for
when you're sick.
380
00:18:29,868 --> 00:18:31,018
You're not sick.
381
00:18:31,070 --> 00:18:34,322
Injured and drugged
is a kind of sick.
382
00:18:43,666 --> 00:18:49,587
⪠soft kitty, warm kitty,
little ball of fur... âª
383
00:18:49,655 --> 00:18:50,888
Wait, wait.
384
00:18:50,973 --> 00:18:52,974
Let's sing it as a round.
385
00:18:53,041 --> 00:18:54,309
I'll start.
386
00:18:55,894 --> 00:19:03,117
⪠soft kitty, warm kitty,
little ball of fur... âª
387
00:19:05,521 --> 00:19:07,855
I'll start over.
388
00:19:09,533 --> 00:19:14,051
⪠soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur
389
00:19:20,119 --> 00:19:24,455
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. âª
390
00:19:24,523 --> 00:19:27,809
⪠soft kitty, warm kitty,
little ball of fur... âª
391
00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:29,994
⪠happy kitty,
sleepy kitty âª
392
00:19:29,995 --> 00:19:32,297
⪠happy kitty,
sleepy kitty âª
393
00:19:32,381 --> 00:19:34,215
⪠happy kitty,
⪠purr, purr, purr âª
394
00:19:34,266 --> 00:19:38,486
⪠purr, purr, purr. âª
395
00:19:44,043 --> 00:19:45,627
âª
396
00:19:44,092 --> 00:19:47,294
...And the next morning
when he woke up,
397
00:19:47,345 --> 00:19:50,664
He rolled over and realized...
398
00:19:50,715 --> 00:19:52,800
⪠duh-duh-duh! âª
399
00:19:54,286 --> 00:19:56,270
...She was his cousin.
400
00:19:56,337 --> 00:19:58,355
(laughter)
401
00:20:02,894 --> 00:20:05,763
That's still not funny.
402
00:20:07,115 --> 00:20:09,033
(mockingly):
That's still not funny.
403
00:20:09,117 --> 00:20:10,517
(laughter)
404
00:20:10,569 --> 00:20:13,520
And she was my second cousin.
405
00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:15,155
And she was my
second cousin.
406
00:20:18,994 --> 00:20:20,711
(laughs) You're a real douche.
407
00:20:20,795 --> 00:20:23,213
Who cares?
You slept with your cousin.
408
00:20:23,248 --> 00:20:29,717
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