1
00:00:01,698 --> 00:00:03,916
(whirring)
2
00:00:05,168 --> 00:00:07,269
And now the
kung pao chicken.
3
00:00:07,270 --> 00:00:08,653
Ah, yeah.
Wow.
4
00:00:08,654 --> 00:00:10,072
Smooth.
5
00:00:10,073 --> 00:00:11,957
And finally,
6
00:00:11,958 --> 00:00:13,792
my moo shu pork.
7
00:00:13,793 --> 00:00:15,594
(whirring)
8
00:00:15,595 --> 00:00:16,879
Whoo-hoo!
9
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:18,630
WOLOWITZ:
Oh, there you have
it, gentlemen.
10
00:00:18,631 --> 00:00:22,801
Our entire dinner
unpacked by robot.
11
00:00:22,802 --> 00:00:25,187
And it only took 28 minutes.
12
00:00:26,139 --> 00:00:27,289
Impressive,
13
00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:29,658
but we must be cautious.
Why?
14
00:00:29,659 --> 00:00:32,644
Today, it's a Chinese food
retrieval robot.
15
00:00:32,645 --> 00:00:35,180
Tomorrow,
it travels back in time
16
00:00:35,181 --> 00:00:37,682
and tries to kill Sarah Connor.
17
00:00:37,683 --> 00:00:39,985
I don't think that's
going to happen, Sheldon.
18
00:00:39,986 --> 00:00:41,370
No one ever does.
19
00:00:41,371 --> 00:00:42,988
That's why it happens.
20
00:00:42,989 --> 00:00:43,989
(door opening)
21
00:00:43,990 --> 00:00:45,707
Hey. Is the food here?
22
00:00:45,708 --> 00:00:47,009
Ooh. What's that?
23
00:00:47,010 --> 00:00:48,277
That, dear lady,
24
00:00:48,278 --> 00:00:50,929
is the Wolowitz
Programmable Hand,
25
00:00:50,930 --> 00:00:52,598
designed
for extravehicular repais
26
00:00:52,599 --> 00:00:55,050
on the International
Space Station.
27
00:00:55,051 --> 00:00:56,635
Ah, cool.
28
00:00:56,636 --> 00:00:58,337
Ask me to pass the soy sauce.
29
00:00:58,338 --> 00:01:01,106
Oh, does that come up much
on the space station?
30
00:01:01,107 --> 00:01:04,543
Mostly with Asian
and Jewish astronauts.
31
00:01:04,544 --> 00:01:06,662
All right. Pass the soy sauce.
Coming up.
32
00:01:06,663 --> 00:01:08,230
(inhales, clears throat)
33
00:01:08,231 --> 00:01:10,449
(rapid typing)
34
00:01:18,324 --> 00:01:19,942
So how's work?
35
00:01:19,943 --> 00:01:21,393
Oh, it's not bad.
36
00:01:21,394 --> 00:01:22,945
Kind of hungry.
37
00:01:22,946 --> 00:01:24,780
Yeah, we all are.
38
00:01:24,781 --> 00:01:26,582
Just wait.
39
00:01:26,583 --> 00:01:28,333
You realize, Penny,
that the technology
40
00:01:28,334 --> 00:01:30,485
that went into this arm
will one day make
41
00:01:30,486 --> 00:01:33,906
unskilled food servers
such as yourself obsolete.
42
00:01:33,907 --> 00:01:35,340
Really?
43
00:01:35,341 --> 00:01:37,976
They're going to make a robot
that spits on your hamburger?
44
00:01:39,529 --> 00:01:41,129
I thought you
broke up with her.
45
00:01:41,130 --> 00:01:42,881
Why is she here?
46
00:01:43,783 --> 00:01:45,117
Okay, here we go.
47
00:01:45,118 --> 00:01:47,603
Passing the soy sauce.
48
00:01:47,604 --> 00:01:49,021
(whirring)
49
00:01:49,022 --> 00:01:51,273
Put out your hand.
50
00:01:53,776 --> 00:01:55,310
Oh!
51
00:01:55,311 --> 00:01:56,695
(Penny laughing)
52
00:01:56,696 --> 00:01:57,829
That's amazing.
53
00:01:57,830 --> 00:01:59,264
I wouldn't say amazing.
54
00:01:59,265 --> 00:02:01,266
At best,
it's a modest leap forward
55
00:02:01,267 --> 00:02:02,818
from the basic technology
56
00:02:02,819 --> 00:02:05,654
that gave us
Country Bear Jamboree.
57
00:02:06,489 --> 00:02:07,956
Hey, Sheldon?
58
00:02:07,957 --> 00:02:09,875
Yes?
59
00:02:09,876 --> 00:02:12,077
(whirring)
60
00:02:15,999 --> 00:02:17,966
Peace?
61
00:02:17,967 --> 00:02:19,551
No, not peace.
62
00:02:19,552 --> 00:02:20,919
Hang on.
63
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:24,556
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
64
00:02:24,557 --> 00:02:27,876
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
65
00:02:27,877 --> 00:02:29,428
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
66
00:02:29,429 --> 00:02:32,047
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
67
00:02:32,048 --> 00:02:34,766
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
68
00:02:34,767 --> 00:02:37,402
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
69
00:02:37,403 --> 00:02:39,304
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
70
00:02:39,305 --> 00:02:41,256
♪ Bang! ♪
71
00:02:41,266 --> 00:02:44,766
The Big Bang Theory 4x01
The Robotic Manipulation
Original Air Date on September 23, 2010
72
00:02:44,776 --> 00:02:47,276
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
73
00:02:47,349 --> 00:02:50,818
Does NASA know you're using
that thing as a napkin holder?
74
00:02:50,819 --> 00:02:54,655
You kidding? They still think
it's in a secure locker at JPL.
75
00:02:55,524 --> 00:02:56,724
You stole it?
76
00:02:56,725 --> 00:02:58,075
Borrowed.
77
00:02:58,076 --> 00:03:00,678
The trick is to carry it out
to your car like you own it.
78
00:03:02,314 --> 00:03:04,832
(cell phone chiming)
Excuse me.
79
00:03:06,051 --> 00:03:07,418
(chuckling):
Oh.
80
00:03:07,419 --> 00:03:08,920
Amy's at the dry cleaners,
81
00:03:08,921 --> 00:03:11,456
and she's made a very
amusing pun. (clears throat)
82
00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:14,325
"I don't care
for perchloroethylene,
83
00:03:14,326 --> 00:03:17,912
and I don't like glycol ether."
84
00:03:22,568 --> 00:03:23,634
Get it?
85
00:03:23,635 --> 00:03:26,954
She doesn't like glycol ether.
86
00:03:28,023 --> 00:03:30,691
Sounds like "either."
87
00:03:31,543 --> 00:03:33,528
(panting chuckle)
88
00:03:34,730 --> 00:03:37,548
"L-O-L."
89
00:03:37,549 --> 00:03:40,034
Who's Amy?
His girlfriend.
90
00:03:40,035 --> 00:03:42,119
Sheldon has a girlfriend?
She's not my girlfriend.
91
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,155
How long
has this been going on?
Four months.
92
00:03:44,156 --> 00:03:46,290
She's not my girlfriend.
Are you telling me, for
the past four months
93
00:03:46,291 --> 00:03:47,742
I have been asking you,
"What's new?"
94
00:03:47,743 --> 00:03:49,327
and you never thought
to go with,
95
00:03:49,328 --> 00:03:50,545
"Sheldon has a girlfriend"?
96
00:03:50,546 --> 00:03:52,446
She's not my girlfriend.
97
00:03:52,447 --> 00:03:53,531
Ah... d-d-d-d...
98
00:03:53,532 --> 00:03:55,249
How did they meet?
99
00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:57,468
Raj and I entered Sheldon's
information on a dating site,
100
00:03:57,469 --> 00:03:59,870
and it spit out
Amy Farrah Fowler.
101
00:03:59,871 --> 00:04:02,173
Oh, my God!
Sheldon and Amy.
102
00:04:02,174 --> 00:04:04,008
Or, as we
call them, "Shamy."
103
00:04:04,009 --> 00:04:05,810
(Penny squeals)
104
00:04:05,811 --> 00:04:06,978
Shamy.
105
00:04:06,979 --> 00:04:09,230
I am so digging the Shamy.
106
00:04:09,231 --> 00:04:11,649
All right,
everyone pay attention.
107
00:04:11,650 --> 00:04:13,818
Yes, I have a friend
named Amy Farrah Fowler.
108
00:04:13,819 --> 00:04:15,386
Yes, she is female.
109
00:04:15,387 --> 00:04:17,822
Yes, we communicate
on a daily basis,
110
00:04:17,823 --> 00:04:20,241
but no, she is not
my girlfriend.
111
00:04:20,242 --> 00:04:22,727
Okay, well, what do
you communicate about?
112
00:04:22,728 --> 00:04:26,781
Well, my work in physics,
her work in neurobiology,
113
00:04:26,782 --> 00:04:28,499
and most recently,
the possibility
114
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:31,035
of our having a child together.
115
00:04:34,373 --> 00:04:36,340
(robotic arm whirring)
116
00:04:36,341 --> 00:04:37,842
(coughing)
117
00:04:37,843 --> 00:04:40,011
Thank you.
118
00:04:41,179 --> 00:04:42,680
Wait a minute-- a child?
119
00:04:42,681 --> 00:04:43,898
You never see this girl.
120
00:04:43,899 --> 00:04:45,866
You just e-mail
and text and Twitter.
121
00:04:45,867 --> 00:04:47,918
Now you're considering
having a baby?
122
00:04:47,919 --> 00:04:50,638
Amy pointed out
that between the two of us,
123
00:04:50,639 --> 00:04:52,573
our genetic material
has the potential
124
00:04:52,574 --> 00:04:54,709
of producing the first in a line
125
00:04:54,710 --> 00:04:57,428
of intellectually superior,
benign overlords
126
00:04:57,429 --> 00:05:00,698
to guide humanity
to a brighter tomorrow.
127
00:05:02,134 --> 00:05:03,884
I'm guessing
that future historians
128
00:05:03,885 --> 00:05:05,903
will condemn us
for not taking
129
00:05:05,904 --> 00:05:08,122
this opportunity
to kill Sheldon.
130
00:05:08,991 --> 00:05:11,208
Okay, I have
a question.
131
00:05:11,209 --> 00:05:12,493
Yes, Penny.
132
00:05:12,494 --> 00:05:14,412
You don't even like people
touching you.
133
00:05:14,413 --> 00:05:16,130
How are you going to have sex?
134
00:05:17,716 --> 00:05:19,884
Why on Earth would we have sex?
135
00:05:21,887 --> 00:05:24,672
Oh, honey, did your mom
not have the talk with you?
136
00:05:24,673 --> 00:05:28,175
You know, when your
private parts started growing?
137
00:05:28,176 --> 00:05:31,262
I'm quite aware of the way
humans usually reproduce,
138
00:05:31,263 --> 00:05:33,431
which is messy,
unsanitary,
139
00:05:33,432 --> 00:05:35,766
and based on living next
to you for three years,
140
00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:39,687
involves loud and unnecessary
appeals to a deity.
141
00:05:39,688 --> 00:05:40,821
Oh, God.
142
00:05:40,822 --> 00:05:42,490
Yes, exactly.
143
00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:47,745
Consequently,
if Amy and I choose
144
00:05:47,746 --> 00:05:49,363
to bring new life
into this world,
145
00:05:49,364 --> 00:05:51,248
it will be accomplished
clinically,
146
00:05:51,249 --> 00:05:54,485
with fertility experts in a lab
with petri dishes.
147
00:05:54,486 --> 00:05:55,620
Which reminds me--
148
00:05:55,621 --> 00:05:58,623
you have broad hips
and a certain corn-fed vigor.
149
00:05:58,624 --> 00:06:01,442
Is your womb available
for rental?
150
00:06:02,911 --> 00:06:06,013
Still digging the Shamy?
151
00:06:06,014 --> 00:06:07,431
Look, Sheldon,
152
00:06:07,432 --> 00:06:10,000
before you race off to
the fertility clinic,
153
00:06:10,001 --> 00:06:11,469
you might want
to think about--
154
00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:12,603
uh, gee, I don't know--
155
00:06:12,604 --> 00:06:14,905
maybe actually spending
some time with her.
156
00:06:14,906 --> 00:06:16,857
You mean dating?
Yeah.
157
00:06:16,858 --> 00:06:18,609
I can't date Amy.
Why not?
158
00:06:18,610 --> 00:06:20,361
She's not my girlfriend.
159
00:06:20,362 --> 00:06:22,780
Okay, look, don't think of it
as dating a girlfriend.
160
00:06:22,781 --> 00:06:24,115
Think of it as, uh...
161
00:06:24,116 --> 00:06:26,417
getting to know
the future mother of your child.
162
00:06:26,418 --> 00:06:28,235
Oh.
163
00:06:28,236 --> 00:06:30,604
I hadn't considered that.
164
00:06:30,605 --> 00:06:33,424
I suppose she will have
to have access to our progeny.
165
00:06:33,425 --> 00:06:35,292
And you don't think
I can achieve
166
00:06:35,293 --> 00:06:37,978
the required intimacy
via text messaging?
167
00:06:37,979 --> 00:06:39,163
Probably not.
168
00:06:39,164 --> 00:06:40,364
Huh.
169
00:06:40,365 --> 00:06:41,682
It would appear as if
170
00:06:41,683 --> 00:06:44,535
the phone companies
have been lying to me.
171
00:06:46,838 --> 00:06:49,140
Penny.
172
00:06:49,141 --> 00:06:51,559
Penny. Penny.
173
00:06:52,594 --> 00:06:55,396
You do realize I stand
on the other side of the door
174
00:06:55,397 --> 00:06:58,182
waiting for you to finish
knocking three times.
175
00:06:58,183 --> 00:07:01,519
I know. I can see the shadow
of your feet under the door.
176
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:04,472
Yeah, my point is
it's a waste of time.
177
00:07:04,473 --> 00:07:05,723
If you're looking for an example
178
00:07:05,724 --> 00:07:07,825
of a waste of time,
I would refer you
179
00:07:07,826 --> 00:07:09,744
to the conversation
we're having right now.
180
00:07:09,745 --> 00:07:11,328
What do you want?
181
00:07:11,329 --> 00:07:13,531
I've decided to take your advice
and have arranged
182
00:07:13,532 --> 00:07:15,833
to go on a date
with Amy Farrah Fowler.
183
00:07:15,834 --> 00:07:16,734
Oh, that's great.
184
00:07:16,735 --> 00:07:18,035
Have fun.
(stammers)
Wait.
185
00:07:18,036 --> 00:07:19,587
You have to drive me.
186
00:07:19,588 --> 00:07:22,039
What?
You know I don't drive.
187
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:23,541
Well, go ask Leonard.
I did.
188
00:07:23,542 --> 00:07:26,143
He said-- and I quote--
"Ask Penny.
189
00:07:26,144 --> 00:07:28,729
It was her cockamamy idea."
190
00:07:28,730 --> 00:07:30,715
Leonard said "cockamamy"?
191
00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:31,915
Actually, I'm paraphrasing.
192
00:07:31,916 --> 00:07:34,418
Having been raised
in a Christian household,
193
00:07:34,419 --> 00:07:37,438
I'm uncomfortable
with the language he used.
194
00:07:37,439 --> 00:07:38,739
And to be honest,
195
00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:41,225
I'm not entirely comfortable
with "cockamamy."
196
00:07:41,226 --> 00:07:43,277
Okay, fine. When's the date?
197
00:07:43,278 --> 00:07:44,945
Now.
Now?
198
00:07:44,946 --> 00:07:47,031
Hurry. We're going to be late.
199
00:07:47,866 --> 00:07:49,817
Sheldon,
did it ever occur to you
200
00:07:49,818 --> 00:07:51,652
that I might have other plans?
201
00:07:51,653 --> 00:07:52,803
I'm sorry.
202
00:07:52,804 --> 00:07:54,305
Do you have other plans?
203
00:07:57,325 --> 00:08:00,361
Well, no, not per se, but...
204
00:08:00,362 --> 00:08:03,297
So this conversation
is as pointless
205
00:08:03,298 --> 00:08:06,300
as your door-knocking soliloquy?
206
00:08:07,135 --> 00:08:10,638
Let me get my...
cockamamy keys.
207
00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:15,926
WOLOWITZ:
Oh, God, that feels so good.
208
00:08:18,513 --> 00:08:20,130
(sighing)
209
00:08:20,131 --> 00:08:21,799
Yeah, that's the spot.
210
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,734
Oh, baby.
211
00:08:23,735 --> 00:08:27,104
MRS. WOLOWITZ (yelling):
Howard, dinner's ready!
212
00:08:27,105 --> 00:08:28,689
I'll eat later.
213
00:08:28,690 --> 00:08:30,991
I'm busy!
214
00:08:30,992 --> 00:08:32,193
Oh, yeah.
215
00:08:32,194 --> 00:08:34,411
Just like a real hand.
216
00:08:41,837 --> 00:08:44,038
Hmm.
217
00:08:46,958 --> 00:08:49,009
Thank you
for driving me.
218
00:08:49,010 --> 00:08:51,662
You're welcome.
219
00:08:51,663 --> 00:08:54,198
I wish you weren't
wearing flip-flops.
220
00:08:54,199 --> 00:08:56,767
It's dangerous
to drive in flip-flops.
221
00:08:56,768 --> 00:08:58,803
Sheldon.
Sorry.
222
00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:02,773
I just don't want to be
yet another flip-flop fatality.
223
00:09:03,575 --> 00:09:05,893
Can I ask you
a question?
224
00:09:05,894 --> 00:09:08,479
Given your
community college education,
225
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:11,982
I encourage you to ask me
as many as possible.
226
00:09:12,951 --> 00:09:14,869
Yeah. (clears throat)
Well, my question is--
227
00:09:14,870 --> 00:09:17,521
and I'm pretty sure
I know the answer--
228
00:09:17,522 --> 00:09:19,523
is this your first date?
229
00:09:19,524 --> 00:09:21,375
That depends.
230
00:09:21,376 --> 00:09:23,577
Does square-dancing
with my sister
231
00:09:23,578 --> 00:09:26,363
at a Teens for Jesus
Fourth of July Hoedown
232
00:09:26,364 --> 00:09:27,665
count as a date?
233
00:09:27,666 --> 00:09:29,166
No.
234
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:31,552
Then, this is my first date.
235
00:09:32,554 --> 00:09:34,338
Okay. Well, then,
there's a couple of things
236
00:09:34,339 --> 00:09:35,606
you should probably know.
237
00:09:35,607 --> 00:09:39,042
I have a master's degree
and two doctorates.
238
00:09:39,043 --> 00:09:42,763
The things I should know,
I do know.
239
00:09:42,764 --> 00:09:46,600
My point is, I know more
about dating than you,
240
00:09:46,601 --> 00:09:48,569
and if you were as smart
as you think you are,
241
00:09:48,570 --> 00:09:49,770
you would listen to me.
242
00:09:49,771 --> 00:09:53,223
If you know so much,
how come I have a date tonight
243
00:09:53,224 --> 00:09:56,493
and you have nothing better
to do than drive me to it?
244
00:09:59,030 --> 00:10:00,748
Fair point.
245
00:10:04,119 --> 00:10:05,452
You know,
there's something
246
00:10:05,453 --> 00:10:07,187
I've always wondered
about Aquaman.
247
00:10:07,188 --> 00:10:10,491
Yeah?
Where does he poop?
248
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,477
What?
249
00:10:13,478 --> 00:10:15,930
What would a toilet
look like in Atlantis?
250
00:10:15,931 --> 00:10:17,631
How would you flush it?
251
00:10:17,632 --> 00:10:21,552
And when you did flush it,
where would the poop go?
252
00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:24,254
(cell phone ringing)
253
00:10:24,255 --> 00:10:25,823
Hold that thought.
254
00:10:27,192 --> 00:10:28,909
Hey, Howard.
What's going on?
255
00:10:30,195 --> 00:10:31,362
What...
256
00:10:31,363 --> 00:10:33,464
Hold on.
Howard, Howard, slow down.
257
00:10:33,465 --> 00:10:36,650
The robot hand
is stuck on your what?
258
00:10:39,454 --> 00:10:42,106
You're not going
to believe this.
259
00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:55,970
(clears throat)
260
00:10:55,971 --> 00:10:57,805
So, um, Amy,
Sheldon tells me
261
00:10:57,806 --> 00:11:01,759
you're a neuro...
something-or-other.
262
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,245
Neurobiologist.
263
00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:06,481
Your "check engine" light is on.
264
00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:09,934
Yeah, it's okay.
265
00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:10,952
But the light indicates...
266
00:11:10,953 --> 00:11:12,453
Don't bother.
267
00:11:12,454 --> 00:11:14,022
I've wasted many an hour
268
00:11:14,023 --> 00:11:16,241
tilting at
that particular windmill.
269
00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:20,628
Uh, what is that
scent you're wearing?
270
00:11:20,629 --> 00:11:21,713
It smells great.
271
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:24,132
Dandruff shampoo.
272
00:11:25,634 --> 00:11:28,086
I have dry scalp.
273
00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:29,170
Ah.
274
00:11:29,171 --> 00:11:31,339
Well, your hair
looks very nice.
275
00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:33,508
Are you a homosexual?
276
00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:37,962
No, no, I'm just giving
you a compliment.
277
00:11:37,963 --> 00:11:39,898
Hmm.
278
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:43,184
Would have been more flattered
if you were a homosexual.
279
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:46,905
Guys, how 'bout
some music?
280
00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:48,472
Oh, no, I wouldn't
care for that.
281
00:11:48,473 --> 00:11:49,490
Amy?
282
00:11:49,491 --> 00:11:50,641
No, thank you.
283
00:11:50,642 --> 00:11:52,460
Okay.
284
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,696
Uncomfortable
silence it is.
285
00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:01,419
Hey, Sheldon, have you told Amy
286
00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:03,838
what it was like for you
growing up in Texas?
287
00:12:03,839 --> 00:12:05,757
No.
288
00:12:06,909 --> 00:12:09,327
Well, why don't
you tell her?
289
00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:11,713
All right.
290
00:12:11,714 --> 00:12:13,047
It was hell.
291
00:12:14,833 --> 00:12:17,101
Any follow up, Amy?
292
00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:20,104
No.
293
00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:26,611
I myself grew
up in Nebraska.
294
00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:28,512
Small town
outside of Omaha.
295
00:12:28,513 --> 00:12:32,617
Nice place, mostly family farms,
a few meth labs.
296
00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:37,188
I'm sorry, how is this better
than uncomfortable silence?
297
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:38,189
I don't know.
298
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:39,857
I was just trying something.
299
00:12:40,692 --> 00:12:42,460
Muggles.
300
00:12:49,785 --> 00:12:53,588
You slipped and fell
into a robot hand?
301
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,241
Yes.
302
00:12:57,242 --> 00:13:00,028
Penis first?
303
00:13:03,265 --> 00:13:05,216
Yes. Now, help me!
304
00:13:05,217 --> 00:13:07,068
I'd suggest a lubricant,
but I have a feeling
305
00:13:07,069 --> 00:13:08,820
you fell on some
of that as well.
306
00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:09,771
(chuckles)
307
00:13:09,772 --> 00:13:11,606
Not funny, Leonard.
308
00:13:11,607 --> 00:13:14,725
Really? A robot hand's got
a death grip on your junk, dude.
309
00:13:14,726 --> 00:13:15,743
That's funny, ask anyone.
310
00:13:15,744 --> 00:13:16,944
(both laugh)
311
00:13:16,945 --> 00:13:20,248
Plea-- before my mother
walks in, get this off me!
312
00:13:20,249 --> 00:13:21,199
Okay, let's see.
313
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,166
No, no!
Don't touch.
314
00:13:22,167 --> 00:13:23,234
The program
is paused.
315
00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:24,702
Well, then let's
un-pause it.
316
00:13:24,703 --> 00:13:26,170
No, no! I loaded
the wrong program.
317
00:13:26,171 --> 00:13:27,922
The hand thinks it's holding
a screwdriver in outer space.
318
00:13:27,923 --> 00:13:31,409
If you continue the program,
it's gonna start twisting.
319
00:13:32,261 --> 00:13:34,078
A-All right.
320
00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:35,630
Um, how about this.
321
00:13:35,631 --> 00:13:38,716
When-when Winnie the Pooh
got his head stuck
322
00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:41,719
in the honey tree,
his friends all grabbed onto him
323
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,738
and pulled and pulled.
324
00:13:44,973 --> 00:13:46,557
You do what you want,
325
00:13:46,558 --> 00:13:48,526
I'm not touching another
man's honey tree.
326
00:13:48,527 --> 00:13:49,927
(sighs)
327
00:13:49,928 --> 00:13:51,813
All right, uh,
forget pulling.
328
00:13:51,814 --> 00:13:54,198
How about we get
an electric saw and cut it off?
329
00:13:54,199 --> 00:13:56,067
What?! No saws!
330
00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:59,270
One circumcision was enough.
331
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,291
How about an
acetylene torch?
332
00:14:03,292 --> 00:14:05,626
Okay, I can't believe
this needs to be said out loud.
333
00:14:05,627 --> 00:14:07,078
No pulling, no saws, no torches.
334
00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:09,047
Well, then what do
you want us to do?
335
00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:11,816
MRS. WOLOWITZ (yelling):
Howard, I made cookies for you
336
00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:14,502
and your little friends!
337
00:14:14,503 --> 00:14:16,804
That's great, Mom, thanks!
338
00:14:16,805 --> 00:14:19,674
I'll bring them up
with some Hawaiian Punch!
339
00:14:19,675 --> 00:14:21,125
Don't come up here!
340
00:14:21,126 --> 00:14:24,228
Why not?! Are you
ashamed of your mother?!
341
00:14:24,229 --> 00:14:26,731
Yes, but that's not the point!
342
00:14:26,732 --> 00:14:28,766
Get me out of here.
343
00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:30,634
You have any ideas, Raj?
344
00:14:30,635 --> 00:14:34,005
Right now, all I can think about
is cookies and Hawaiian Punch.
345
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:45,183
Hey, here's another possible
topic of conversation.
346
00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:47,001
This is a big night for Sheldon.
347
00:14:47,002 --> 00:14:49,070
Right, Sheldon?
348
00:14:49,071 --> 00:14:51,873
Big night?
349
00:14:51,874 --> 00:14:54,408
The winter solstice
is a big night.
350
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:56,461
It's over 14 hours
351
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:57,912
in Southern California.
352
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,998
That's an amusing factoid.
353
00:15:00,999 --> 00:15:03,384
Thank you.
354
00:15:03,385 --> 00:15:05,636
No, no.
355
00:15:05,637 --> 00:15:10,241
My point is, uh, tonight is
Sheldon's first official date.
356
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:11,943
Discuss.
357
00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:13,177
Is this true?
358
00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:16,514
Apparently, a semi-incestuous
Teens for Jesus
359
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:18,849
Fourth of July Hoedown
didn't count.
360
00:15:20,869 --> 00:15:22,236
So, um, Amy, what about you?
361
00:15:22,237 --> 00:15:23,204
Do you date much?
362
00:15:23,205 --> 00:15:24,522
Once a year.
363
00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:26,657
It's a deal I made
with my mother in exchange for
364
00:15:26,658 --> 00:15:28,843
her silence on the matter,
as well as the occasional use
365
00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:30,027
of her George Foreman Grill
366
00:15:30,028 --> 00:15:33,548
that seals in the flavor
without the fat.
367
00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:36,000
How about you, Penny?
368
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:37,218
Do you go on many dates?
369
00:15:37,219 --> 00:15:39,137
Uh, yeah, I wouldn't say many.
370
00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:40,138
A few.
371
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:41,756
(panting chuckle)
372
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:46,561
What's...
(panting chuckle)?
373
00:15:46,562 --> 00:15:47,762
Your characterization of
374
00:15:47,763 --> 00:15:50,714
approximately 171 different men
as "a few."
375
00:15:50,715 --> 00:15:51,949
What...
376
00:15:52,568 --> 00:15:55,603
Where did you
get 171 men?
377
00:15:55,604 --> 00:15:57,088
Simple extrapolation.
378
00:15:57,089 --> 00:15:59,106
In the three years
that I've known you,
379
00:15:59,107 --> 00:16:00,491
you were single for two.
380
00:16:00,492 --> 00:16:03,411
During that time,
I saw 17 different suitors.
381
00:16:03,412 --> 00:16:06,781
If we work backwards,
correcting for observation bias
382
00:16:06,782 --> 00:16:08,866
and postulate an initial
dating age of 15...
383
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:09,917
Whoa, wait,
wait, wait.
384
00:16:09,918 --> 00:16:12,837
I did not start dating at 15.
385
00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:14,005
I'm sorry. Sixteen?
386
00:16:14,006 --> 00:16:15,339
Fourteen.
387
00:16:16,124 --> 00:16:17,942
My mistake.
388
00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:20,344
Now, assuming the left side
of a bell curve
389
00:16:20,345 --> 00:16:22,580
peaking around the present,
that would bring the total
390
00:16:22,581 --> 00:16:25,433
up to 193 men.
391
00:16:26,385 --> 00:16:27,852
Plus or minus eight men.
392
00:16:29,004 --> 00:16:30,638
Remarkable.
393
00:16:30,639 --> 00:16:33,174
Did you have sexual intercourse
with all of these men?
394
00:16:33,175 --> 00:16:34,559
No.
395
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,726
Although that number would be
396
00:16:35,727 --> 00:16:37,612
fairly easy
to calculate.
Oh.
397
00:16:37,613 --> 00:16:39,564
Based on the number of
awkward encounters I've had
398
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,566
with strange men leaving
her apartment in the morning,
399
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,201
plus the number of times
400
00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:45,069
she's returned home
wearing the same clothes
401
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,270
she wore the night before...
402
00:16:46,271 --> 00:16:48,439
Okay, Sheldon, I think
you've made your point.
403
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:49,907
So we multiply 193--
404
00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:53,411
minus 21 men
before the loss of virginity--
405
00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:54,795
so 172
406
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:57,632
times 0.18 gives us...
407
00:16:57,633 --> 00:17:00,251
30.96 sexual partners.
408
00:17:01,303 --> 00:17:03,054
Let's round that up to 31.
409
00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:06,591
Okay, Sheldon, you are so wrong.
410
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:08,759
That is not even close
to the real number.
411
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,762
I'm gonna need
a drink over here.
412
00:17:11,763 --> 00:17:13,014
This is very interesting.
413
00:17:13,015 --> 00:17:14,699
Cultural perceptions
are subjective.
414
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,184
Penny, to your mind,
are you a slut?
415
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:21,706
No! No!
416
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,674
No.
417
00:17:23,675 --> 00:17:26,694
Let's just all finish
our dinners, okay?
418
00:17:26,695 --> 00:17:28,613
This is
an interesting topic.
419
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:31,148
How many sexual encounters
have you had?
420
00:17:31,149 --> 00:17:33,484
Does volunteering
for a scientific experiment
421
00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:35,503
in which orgasm was achieved
by electronically
422
00:17:35,504 --> 00:17:38,089
stimulating the pleasure centers
of the brain count?
423
00:17:39,341 --> 00:17:41,442
I should think so.
424
00:17:41,443 --> 00:17:43,728
Then 128.
425
00:17:51,186 --> 00:17:54,672
Okay, come on.
426
00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:56,857
Almost there.
427
00:18:02,064 --> 00:18:03,847
Don't tug.
No tugging.
428
00:18:03,848 --> 00:18:06,484
Next time, take your own advice.
429
00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:08,653
Excuse me,
could you help us out?
430
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:11,072
My, my, my.
431
00:18:11,073 --> 00:18:13,040
What do we have here?
432
00:18:14,743 --> 00:18:16,077
I slipped and fell.
433
00:18:16,078 --> 00:18:17,878
Yeah, we get that a lot.
434
00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:20,715
What is this?
435
00:18:20,716 --> 00:18:22,883
It's a robot arm.
436
00:18:22,884 --> 00:18:25,419
Where's the rest of the robot?
437
00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:27,505
I only built the arm.
438
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:30,174
'Cause that's all
you needed, right?
439
00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:31,842
(both chuckle)
440
00:18:31,843 --> 00:18:34,228
Can you please
just help me?!
441
00:18:34,229 --> 00:18:35,513
All right, all right.
442
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:38,349
Hang on, stay calm.
443
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,718
(over P.A.): I need an orderly
with a wheelchair.
444
00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:44,922
I got a robot hand grasping
a man's penis out here.
445
00:18:46,241 --> 00:18:48,442
You think you could be
a little more discreet?
446
00:18:48,443 --> 00:18:49,977
I'm sorry,
we don't have a code for
447
00:18:49,978 --> 00:18:52,330
"robot hand
grasping a man's penis."
448
00:18:53,248 --> 00:18:55,065
Why is it hooked up
to a computer?
449
00:18:55,066 --> 00:18:56,600
Uh, it's what
controls the arm.
450
00:18:56,601 --> 00:18:57,618
But it's frozen.
451
00:18:57,619 --> 00:19:00,421
Did you try turning it off
and back on again?
452
00:19:00,422 --> 00:19:03,290
No, you see, it's more
complicated than that.
453
00:19:03,291 --> 00:19:05,059
No, wait!
454
00:19:11,750 --> 00:19:15,302
Winnie the Pooh
is out of the honey tree.
455
00:19:15,303 --> 00:19:19,557
Now can we have cookies
and Hawaiian Punch?
456
00:19:25,306 --> 00:19:26,639
You were right.
457
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:29,275
This was a very
productive evening.
458
00:19:29,276 --> 00:19:33,446
I saw a whole new side of
Amy Farrah Fowler tonight.
459
00:19:33,447 --> 00:19:37,317
I did not have
sex with 31 guys.
460
00:19:37,318 --> 00:19:38,651
I'll be happy
to check the math,
461
00:19:38,652 --> 00:19:41,988
but numbers
don't lie, Penny.
462
00:19:41,989 --> 00:19:43,189
In any event,
463
00:19:43,190 --> 00:19:46,793
now that Amy and I have
spent quality time together,
464
00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:48,294
I feel much
more confident
465
00:19:48,295 --> 00:19:50,797
proceeding to the next
stage of our relationship.
466
00:19:50,798 --> 00:19:52,165
And that is?
467
00:19:52,166 --> 00:19:53,917
Using in vitro
fertilization
468
00:19:53,918 --> 00:19:57,637
and a surrogate uterus to
gift humanity with our progeny.
469
00:19:59,090 --> 00:20:00,924
You're still
on that?
470
00:20:00,925 --> 00:20:05,845
In these uncertain times,
doesn't humanity deserve a gift?
471
00:20:05,846 --> 00:20:07,981
(sighs)
Okay, you know what?
472
00:20:07,982 --> 00:20:10,433
I'm gonna come at this
in a whole new way.
473
00:20:10,434 --> 00:20:13,570
Sheldon, if you try to make
a baby with Amy in a petri dish,
474
00:20:13,571 --> 00:20:15,822
I'm gonna tell
your mother on you.
475
00:20:15,823 --> 00:20:17,657
That's no threat.
476
00:20:17,658 --> 00:20:19,742
My mother's always
wanted a grandchild.
477
00:20:19,743 --> 00:20:22,996
Really? Your deeply religious
born-again Christian mother
478
00:20:22,997 --> 00:20:25,415
wants a test-tube grandbaby
born out of wedlock?
479
00:20:29,336 --> 00:20:31,087
Curses.
480
00:20:31,088 --> 00:20:33,006
If I'd thought of that
in the first place,
481
00:20:33,007 --> 00:20:35,258
I could've saved myself
this whole night.
482
00:20:35,259 --> 00:20:36,759
Well, it's not that late.
483
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,295
You could still go out
and look for number 32.
484
00:20:43,267 --> 00:20:46,102
Good night.
485
00:20:46,103 --> 00:20:48,354
Hey, Howard,
what's up?
486
00:20:48,355 --> 00:20:50,256
I've decided
not to procreate.
487
00:20:50,257 --> 00:20:52,475
Yeah, yeah, great.
488
00:20:52,476 --> 00:20:53,776
Howard, uh, slow down.
489
00:20:53,777 --> 00:20:55,778
What do you mean
it happened again?
490
00:20:55,779 --> 00:20:59,013
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --