1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:02,269 (water running) 2 00:00:02,271 --> 00:00:04,171 Leonard, are you in the shower? 3 00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:07,308 I can't hear you! I'm in the shower! 4 00:00:07,309 --> 00:00:09,444 I asked if you were in the shower, 5 00:00:09,445 --> 00:00:11,412 But that's moot now! 6 00:00:11,414 --> 00:00:12,581 What? 7 00:00:12,582 --> 00:00:17,419 Moot! Rendered unimportant by recent events! 8 00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:19,987 I can't hear you! I'm in the shower! 9 00:00:19,988 --> 00:00:21,790 I have to skip the chitchat. 10 00:00:21,791 --> 00:00:23,058 Emergency. 11 00:00:23,059 --> 00:00:24,926 What kind of emergency? 12 00:00:24,927 --> 00:00:27,562 Mathematical-- 32-ounce banana smoothie, 13 00:00:27,563 --> 00:00:29,630 16-ounce bladder. 14 00:00:29,631 --> 00:00:32,200 You might not want to do that. 15 00:00:32,201 --> 00:00:33,934 I assure you I do. 16 00:00:33,935 --> 00:00:36,538 Sheldon, I'm not alone in here. 17 00:00:36,539 --> 00:00:38,505 What?! 18 00:00:39,374 --> 00:00:41,343 Hello, sheldon. 19 00:00:41,344 --> 00:00:42,810 What are you doing in there? 20 00:00:42,812 --> 00:00:44,078 She can't be in here! 21 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,748 We were in here first; you can't be in here. 22 00:00:46,749 --> 00:00:48,415 According to the roommate agreement, 23 00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:49,884 Paragraph nine, subsection b, 24 00:00:49,885 --> 00:00:51,619 "the right to bathroom privacy 25 00:00:51,620 --> 00:00:53,921 Is suspended in the event of force majeure." 26 00:00:53,922 --> 00:00:55,589 And believe me, I am experiencing 27 00:00:55,590 --> 00:00:58,525 A very majeure force. 28 00:00:58,527 --> 00:01:01,028 Come on, you can't wait two minutes? 29 00:01:01,029 --> 00:01:03,964 Oh, leonard, let the man pee. 30 00:01:08,703 --> 00:01:11,405 Penny? Penny? 31 00:01:11,406 --> 00:01:13,074 Penny? 32 00:01:13,075 --> 00:01:14,475 What? 33 00:01:14,476 --> 00:01:16,677 Move. Move. Move! 34 00:01:18,247 --> 00:01:21,882 ¶ our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ¶ 35 00:01:21,884 --> 00:01:25,185 ¶ then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ¶ 36 00:01:25,187 --> 00:01:26,720 ¶ the earth began to cool ¶ 37 00:01:26,721 --> 00:01:29,557 ¶ the autotrophs began to drool, neanderthals developed tools ¶ 38 00:01:29,558 --> 00:01:32,059 ¶we built the wall ¶ ¶ we built the pyramids ¶ 39 00:01:32,060 --> 00:01:34,194 ¶ math, science, history, unraveling the mystery ¶ 40 00:01:34,196 --> 00:01:36,163 ¶ that all started with a big bang ¶ 41 00:01:36,165 --> 00:01:38,465 ¶ bang! ¶ 42 00:01:48,460 --> 00:01:50,028 (laughing) 43 00:01:50,029 --> 00:01:52,263 Dr. Leonard hofstadter, 44 00:01:52,264 --> 00:01:53,731 You are officially charged 45 00:01:53,732 --> 00:01:56,100 With two violations of the roommate agreement. 46 00:01:56,101 --> 00:01:57,602 Do you waive 47 00:01:57,603 --> 00:01:59,370 Reading of the charges? 48 00:01:59,371 --> 00:02:00,505 Yeah, fine. 49 00:02:00,506 --> 00:02:01,839 Hang on. No. 50 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,342 My client does not waive reading of the charges. 51 00:02:04,343 --> 00:02:05,610 Leonard: Oh. 52 00:02:05,611 --> 00:02:08,613 Cool. I've got a lawyer. 53 00:02:09,348 --> 00:02:11,883 And I've seen her naked. 54 00:02:11,884 --> 00:02:13,651 (chuckles) 55 00:02:13,652 --> 00:02:15,219 Proceed. 56 00:02:15,220 --> 00:02:16,821 Very well. 57 00:02:16,822 --> 00:02:18,022 (clears throat) 58 00:02:18,023 --> 00:02:19,323 "count the first: 59 00:02:19,324 --> 00:02:21,826 "on or about the 28th day of April, 60 00:02:21,827 --> 00:02:24,629 "the accused did knowingly and with malice aforethought 61 00:02:24,630 --> 00:02:26,597 "deny access to the shared bathroom 62 00:02:26,598 --> 00:02:30,401 "in a time of emergency, to wit, my back teeth were floating. 63 00:02:32,037 --> 00:02:34,639 "count the second: The accused exceeded 64 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,941 "the agreed upon occupancy of the shower, 65 00:02:36,942 --> 00:02:39,610 "to wit, one, unless we are under attack 66 00:02:39,611 --> 00:02:41,479 By water-soluble aliens." 67 00:02:43,282 --> 00:02:45,650 Can I see the roommate agreement? 68 00:02:45,651 --> 00:02:48,186 Um, it's fairly technical. 69 00:02:49,555 --> 00:02:51,089 I think I can handle it. 70 00:02:51,990 --> 00:02:54,826 Top of her class, cambridge university. 71 00:02:54,827 --> 00:02:57,228 Licensed to practice law in three countries 72 00:02:57,229 --> 00:02:58,996 And your face. 73 00:03:03,702 --> 00:03:06,704 All right, based on a cursory reading, 74 00:03:06,705 --> 00:03:09,407 It doesn't look like you have much of a case, sheldon. 75 00:03:09,408 --> 00:03:12,310 Do so, do so. 76 00:03:12,311 --> 00:03:14,112 Oh, I'm afraid not. 77 00:03:14,113 --> 00:03:16,981 Section seven here, on the right to enter the bathroom 78 00:03:16,982 --> 00:03:19,350 In emergency situations, is not specific 79 00:03:19,351 --> 00:03:21,552 As to what constitutes an emergency. 80 00:03:21,553 --> 00:03:22,820 Oh, that's ridiculous! 81 00:03:22,821 --> 00:03:25,123 A bathroom emergency is self-explanatory. 82 00:03:25,124 --> 00:03:28,192 Is it? If leonard forgot to trim his nose hair, 83 00:03:28,193 --> 00:03:30,595 Could he barge in while you were showering? 84 00:03:30,596 --> 00:03:33,097 Irrelevant. Leonard doesn't trim his nose hair. 85 00:03:33,098 --> 00:03:36,701 He thinks because he's short nobody can see up there. 86 00:03:40,105 --> 00:03:42,640 My point is, sheldon, the legal principle is, 87 00:03:42,641 --> 00:03:45,843 Ambiguity in a contract benefits the party that did not draft it, 88 00:03:45,844 --> 00:03:47,111 In this case, leonard. 89 00:03:47,112 --> 00:03:49,480 So much for count one. But... 90 00:03:49,481 --> 00:03:51,749 There's no buts, sheldon; that's how the law works. 91 00:03:51,750 --> 00:03:53,484 Schooled! 92 00:03:58,023 --> 00:03:59,824 As for the shower capacity issue, 93 00:03:59,825 --> 00:04:01,659 I cite addendum j. 94 00:04:01,660 --> 00:04:04,162 "when sheldon showers second, any and all measures 95 00:04:04,163 --> 00:04:07,165 Shall be taken to ensure an adequate supply of hot water." 96 00:04:07,166 --> 00:04:10,268 I believe this supercedes the occupancy issue. 97 00:04:10,269 --> 00:04:13,337 Superceded! 98 00:04:16,875 --> 00:04:18,943 This isn't over. 99 00:04:21,647 --> 00:04:24,182 No offense, but shower sex with you 100 00:04:24,183 --> 00:04:26,684 Is now the second best thing that's happened today. 101 00:04:29,454 --> 00:04:32,757 Mmm, greek food on pizza night? 102 00:04:32,758 --> 00:04:35,393 This is the most delightfully cruel thing we've done to sheldon 103 00:04:35,394 --> 00:04:37,528 Since we left that fake message from stephen hawking 104 00:04:37,529 --> 00:04:39,197 On his voice mail. (laughs) 105 00:04:39,198 --> 00:04:41,299 Seriously? 106 00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:44,769 (imitating mechanical voice): I wish to discuss your theories of black holes. 107 00:04:44,770 --> 00:04:46,304 (laughter) 108 00:04:46,305 --> 00:04:51,108 Meet me at the randy's donut by the airport at 2:00 a.M. 109 00:04:54,413 --> 00:04:56,414 What is that you're eating? 110 00:04:56,415 --> 00:04:58,149 Tonight is pizza night. 111 00:04:58,150 --> 00:05:01,419 I'd like to refer that to my attorney. 112 00:05:02,487 --> 00:05:04,388 According to what I see here, 113 00:05:04,389 --> 00:05:06,490 Thursday nights are franconi's pizza night. 114 00:05:06,491 --> 00:05:09,026 Yes, and when franconi's went out of business, 115 00:05:09,027 --> 00:05:11,095 We switched to graziano's. 116 00:05:11,096 --> 00:05:12,396 That's interesting. 117 00:05:12,397 --> 00:05:16,167 Can you just switch restaurants like that, priya? 118 00:05:17,603 --> 00:05:19,470 A good question, howard. 119 00:05:20,305 --> 00:05:21,839 Turns out you can't. 120 00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:23,174 According to the document 121 00:05:23,175 --> 00:05:25,042 You drew up, sheldon, the selection 122 00:05:25,043 --> 00:05:27,478 Of a new takeout restaurant requires public hearings 123 00:05:27,479 --> 00:05:29,580 And a 60-day comment period. 124 00:05:29,581 --> 00:05:31,616 Were those criteria met? 125 00:05:38,056 --> 00:05:40,258 No. 126 00:05:40,959 --> 00:05:43,094 Opa! Opa! Opa! 127 00:05:44,596 --> 00:05:46,631 This is greek food? 128 00:05:46,632 --> 00:05:48,699 Leonard, you hate greek food. 129 00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:51,269 Not as much as you. 130 00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:59,110 Fine. I'm nothing if not adaptable. 131 00:05:59,911 --> 00:06:03,347 I got you the lamb kabob. 132 00:06:03,348 --> 00:06:05,383 Thank you. 133 00:06:25,671 --> 00:06:27,305 If you think about it, 134 00:06:27,306 --> 00:06:30,041 Greek food isn't that far from italian food. 135 00:06:30,042 --> 00:06:32,576 They share a spice palette. 136 00:06:37,949 --> 00:06:41,452 And what a civilization is the greeks'! 137 00:06:46,692 --> 00:06:50,428 They gave us science, democracy, 138 00:06:50,429 --> 00:06:54,332 And little cubes of charred meat that taste like sweat. 139 00:06:57,536 --> 00:06:59,837 Penny? Penny? 140 00:06:59,838 --> 00:07:01,372 Penny? 141 00:07:02,274 --> 00:07:03,507 Hey. What's up? 142 00:07:03,508 --> 00:07:07,411 The mean indian lady tried to make me eat lamb. 143 00:07:09,614 --> 00:07:12,683 Congratulations. Pizza night will now be at your apartment. 144 00:07:12,684 --> 00:07:14,452 Order one. 145 00:07:14,453 --> 00:07:17,555 Oh, I'm sorry, honey, I'm meeting amy and bernadette for dinner. 146 00:07:17,556 --> 00:07:19,557 But you're welcome to tag along. 147 00:07:19,558 --> 00:07:20,825 A girls' night? 148 00:07:20,826 --> 00:07:22,893 Oh, I don't know if I'm up for an evening 149 00:07:22,894 --> 00:07:26,197 Talking about rainbows, unicorns and menstrual cramps. 150 00:07:26,198 --> 00:07:28,532 Okay, suit yourself. 151 00:07:28,533 --> 00:07:31,102 We'll probably be trashing priya a little. 152 00:07:31,103 --> 00:07:33,771 Shotgun. 153 00:07:34,906 --> 00:07:36,741 Okay, I'd like to propose a toast 154 00:07:36,742 --> 00:07:38,576 To a wonderful girls' night out. 155 00:07:39,378 --> 00:07:43,013 Fair warning-- we can get ca-razy. 156 00:07:43,014 --> 00:07:47,084 Yeah. Last week we smoked cigars and pretended to be dragons. 157 00:07:47,953 --> 00:07:49,720 Really, amy? 158 00:07:49,721 --> 00:07:51,155 Tobacco and alcohol? 159 00:07:51,156 --> 00:07:54,325 Need I remind you not a lot of scientific discoveries were made 160 00:07:54,326 --> 00:07:56,894 By people having a good time? 161 00:07:58,964 --> 00:08:00,531 Why did you bring him? 162 00:08:00,532 --> 00:08:02,233 He's harshing my buzz. 163 00:08:02,234 --> 00:08:04,402 I felt sorry for him. 164 00:08:04,403 --> 00:08:06,437 Priya's giving him a hard time. 165 00:08:06,438 --> 00:08:09,940 Ooh, the priya bashing's starting early. Yay! 166 00:08:10,842 --> 00:08:14,545 Okay, what's up with those pantsuits? 167 00:08:14,546 --> 00:08:16,380 I need some context. 168 00:08:16,381 --> 00:08:17,681 Pantsuits suck. 169 00:08:17,682 --> 00:08:19,116 And that opens her up 170 00:08:19,117 --> 00:08:21,152 To justifiable ridicule for wearing them. 171 00:08:21,153 --> 00:08:22,586 Good one, bernadette. 172 00:08:23,488 --> 00:08:26,690 See? Ca-razy. 173 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,548 Whee...! 174 00:08:34,549 --> 00:08:36,450 (laughing) 175 00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:40,688 You smell like baby powder. 176 00:08:40,689 --> 00:08:42,289 It's talc. 177 00:08:42,290 --> 00:08:45,359 But as that's a primary ingredient of baby powder, 178 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,828 I understand your confusion. 179 00:08:47,829 --> 00:08:51,398 Oh, I'm not confused at all. 180 00:08:51,399 --> 00:08:54,601 You're like a sexy toddler. 181 00:08:55,470 --> 00:08:58,439 I don't know how to process that. 182 00:08:59,441 --> 00:09:00,808 I do. 183 00:09:01,810 --> 00:09:04,912 ¶ amy and sheldon sitting in a tree ¶ 184 00:09:04,913 --> 00:09:08,816 ¶ k-I-s-s-s-s-I-n-g. ¶ 185 00:09:08,817 --> 00:09:11,919 That's too many s's for "kissing." 186 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:15,222 Not if they're doing it for a long time. 187 00:09:16,958 --> 00:09:20,160 Sheldon... Have you ever kissed a girl? 188 00:09:20,161 --> 00:09:23,897 Other than my mother, my sister and my mee-maw, no. 189 00:09:23,898 --> 00:09:25,632 But in the interest of full disclosure, 190 00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:27,468 I was once on a bus 191 00:09:27,469 --> 00:09:29,570 And had to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation 192 00:09:29,571 --> 00:09:33,173 To an elderly nun who passed out from heat exhaustion. 193 00:09:34,109 --> 00:09:36,210 Every year I get a christmas card from her, 194 00:09:36,211 --> 00:09:39,747 Signed with far too many x's and o's. 195 00:09:39,748 --> 00:09:41,615 That doesn't count. 196 00:09:41,616 --> 00:09:43,784 Aren't you even a little curious? 197 00:09:43,785 --> 00:09:47,654 Yeah, you're a scientist-- where is the curiosity? 198 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,224 I'm available for experimentation. 199 00:09:53,728 --> 00:09:55,529 Thank you. 200 00:09:55,530 --> 00:09:56,730 Not necessary. 201 00:09:56,731 --> 00:09:59,032 We know everything there is to know about kissing. 202 00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:02,903 It requires 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles. 203 00:10:02,904 --> 00:10:04,071 Oh, blah, blah, blah. 204 00:10:04,072 --> 00:10:06,140 Give me some sugar, bestie. 205 00:10:06,141 --> 00:10:08,242 (laughs) 206 00:10:09,310 --> 00:10:11,645 I'm certainly glad no one said they were curious 207 00:10:11,646 --> 00:10:14,782 About aztec human sacrifice. 208 00:10:14,783 --> 00:10:17,651 Hey, I know-- let's take sheldon dancing. 209 00:10:17,652 --> 00:10:19,853 Ooh, I totally want to see sheldon dance. 210 00:10:19,854 --> 00:10:23,090 I bet he looks like a spider on a hot plate. 211 00:10:24,192 --> 00:10:26,326 No, thank you, but for the record, 212 00:10:26,327 --> 00:10:27,561 I'm an excellent dancer. 213 00:10:27,562 --> 00:10:30,264 Proficient in the rumba, waltz and cha-cha. 214 00:10:30,265 --> 00:10:31,331 Really? 215 00:10:31,332 --> 00:10:33,033 I don't see why that's surprising. 216 00:10:33,034 --> 00:10:34,768 I excel at so many things. 217 00:10:34,769 --> 00:10:37,271 You've had my sourdough bread. 218 00:10:37,272 --> 00:10:39,740 Did you take dance lessons? 219 00:10:39,741 --> 00:10:41,108 Against my will. 220 00:10:41,109 --> 00:10:43,210 In the south, preadolescent children 221 00:10:43,211 --> 00:10:45,679 Are forced through a process called cotillion, 222 00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,048 Which indoctrinates them with all the social graces 223 00:10:48,049 --> 00:10:52,886 And dance skills needed to function in 18th century vienna. 224 00:10:52,887 --> 00:10:56,990 Oh, we are so taking you dancing. 225 00:10:56,991 --> 00:10:59,359 No, you most certainly are not. 226 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,029 Well, what does your cotillion training say is expected 227 00:11:02,030 --> 00:11:04,231 Of a gentleman when three ladies ask him 228 00:11:04,232 --> 00:11:06,266 To escort them to a dance soiree? 229 00:11:09,337 --> 00:11:11,605 I saved a nun's life. 230 00:11:11,606 --> 00:11:13,841 Why am I being punished? 231 00:11:17,278 --> 00:11:20,013 (sheldon grunts, penny squeals) 232 00:11:20,815 --> 00:11:22,749 Take us someplace we can waltz. 233 00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:23,984 Where you can what? 234 00:11:23,985 --> 00:11:26,720 Waltz. It's a social dance from austria 235 00:11:26,721 --> 00:11:29,756 Choreographed to a three-four time signature. 236 00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:32,626 (hums "the blue danube") 237 00:11:32,627 --> 00:11:35,696 (speaks korean) 238 00:11:37,265 --> 00:11:38,866 (dispatcher replies in korean) 239 00:11:38,867 --> 00:11:42,302 (speaks korean, hums "the blue danube") 240 00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:46,006 Oh, waltz. 241 00:11:46,007 --> 00:11:48,242 (dispatcher speaks korean) 242 00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:51,144 Here we go. 243 00:11:53,414 --> 00:11:57,284 ¶ I kissed a girl and I liked it ¶ 244 00:11:57,285 --> 00:11:59,519 ¶ I hope my boyfriend don't mind... ¶ 245 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,388 What happened to you? 246 00:12:04,592 --> 00:12:07,327 (waltz playing) 247 00:12:21,009 --> 00:12:23,610 Shake it baby, shake it! 248 00:12:23,611 --> 00:12:26,480 Muy caliente, sheldon! 249 00:12:26,481 --> 00:12:28,548 Care to dance? 250 00:12:28,549 --> 00:12:31,385 Oh, I'm sorry, I'm engaged. 251 00:12:31,386 --> 00:12:33,387 How about you? 252 00:12:33,388 --> 00:12:36,657 Oh, what the hell. (chuckles) 253 00:12:36,658 --> 00:12:38,592 Ooh! 254 00:12:55,243 --> 00:12:57,544 How come if we're the smart people, 255 00:12:57,545 --> 00:12:59,880 We don't do this every night? 256 00:12:59,881 --> 00:13:02,482 What's 16 times 14? 257 00:13:02,483 --> 00:13:06,019 My burps taste like cranberry juice. 258 00:13:07,822 --> 00:13:10,490 And there's your answer. 259 00:13:10,491 --> 00:13:13,393 Would you like to come in for a nightcap? 260 00:13:13,394 --> 00:13:15,228 If you're referring to the beverage, 261 00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:16,763 You know I don't drink. 262 00:13:16,764 --> 00:13:18,265 If you're referring to the hat you don 263 00:13:18,266 --> 00:13:22,569 While wearing a nightshirt and holding a candle, I have one. 264 00:13:23,604 --> 00:13:24,938 I have yoo-hoo. 265 00:13:24,939 --> 00:13:27,441 It's hard to say no to yoo-hoo. 266 00:13:28,543 --> 00:13:30,711 The name literally beckons. 267 00:13:34,482 --> 00:13:35,983 Make yourself comfortable. 268 00:13:35,984 --> 00:13:37,217 Thank you. 269 00:13:38,786 --> 00:13:40,620 Is someone smoking? 270 00:13:40,621 --> 00:13:42,556 Oh, that's just ricky. 271 00:13:47,662 --> 00:13:49,663 You own a smoking monkey? 272 00:13:49,664 --> 00:13:51,631 Don't be silly. He's one of the animals 273 00:13:51,632 --> 00:13:53,767 In my department's nicotine addiction study. 274 00:13:55,503 --> 00:13:57,270 What's he doing here? 275 00:13:57,271 --> 00:13:58,572 I'm giving him emphysema. 276 00:13:58,573 --> 00:14:01,742 The least I can do is let him hang out and watch cable. 277 00:14:02,577 --> 00:14:05,012 Remarkable. 278 00:14:06,047 --> 00:14:08,048 Aren't you worried about secondhand smoke? 279 00:14:08,049 --> 00:14:10,450 A little. The real danger is him biting 280 00:14:10,451 --> 00:14:12,252 My face off while I'm sleeping. 281 00:14:15,590 --> 00:14:18,658 (coughs) is he deliberately blowing smoke at me? 282 00:14:18,659 --> 00:14:21,728 Yeah. He's kind of an ass. 283 00:14:25,166 --> 00:14:26,633 Thank you. 284 00:14:27,702 --> 00:14:29,436 May I share something with you 285 00:14:29,437 --> 00:14:30,904 That's troubling me? 286 00:14:30,905 --> 00:14:32,339 Of course. 287 00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:34,408 What's rattling around that big bulbous head of yours? 288 00:14:34,409 --> 00:14:37,244 Priya has essentially nullified 289 00:14:37,245 --> 00:14:39,146 My roommate agreement with leonard, 290 00:14:39,147 --> 00:14:42,916 Making life in the apartment very uncomfortable for me. 291 00:14:42,917 --> 00:14:46,286 And you want me to kill her? Done. 292 00:14:46,287 --> 00:14:48,155 No, of course not. 293 00:14:48,156 --> 00:14:49,156 I trained ricky how to smoke. 294 00:14:49,157 --> 00:14:50,624 I can train him to shoot a poison dart. 295 00:14:50,625 --> 00:14:53,960 No jury would convict us 'cause people love monkeys. 296 00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:56,797 I understand 297 00:14:56,798 --> 00:14:59,032 The alcohol has stirred up whatever it is 298 00:14:59,033 --> 00:15:01,101 That makes girls go wild... 299 00:15:01,102 --> 00:15:05,072 But I really need to talk to smart amy now. 300 00:15:05,073 --> 00:15:06,206 (chattering) 301 00:15:06,207 --> 00:15:08,141 Excuse me. 302 00:15:09,077 --> 00:15:10,777 Have you considered that your intelligence 303 00:15:10,778 --> 00:15:15,048 Might be the very thing causing your dilemma? 304 00:15:19,854 --> 00:15:21,021 No. 305 00:15:21,022 --> 00:15:22,322 What do you think ricky over here would do 306 00:15:22,323 --> 00:15:24,958 If an interloper encroached on his territory? 307 00:15:24,959 --> 00:15:29,796 Well, when challenged, monkeys generally assert their dominance 308 00:15:29,797 --> 00:15:35,202 Through chasing, assault and a stylized penile display. 309 00:15:35,203 --> 00:15:37,637 That's a little outside my comfort zone. 310 00:15:37,638 --> 00:15:39,139 You're being too literal. 311 00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:42,476 My point is, he would not meekly surrender to the rules, 312 00:15:42,477 --> 00:15:44,211 And neither should you. 313 00:15:44,212 --> 00:15:47,147 Are you suggesting I play dirty? 314 00:15:47,148 --> 00:15:49,483 Yes, dirty. 315 00:15:49,484 --> 00:15:53,920 Dirty... Dirty... Dirty. 316 00:15:56,424 --> 00:15:59,192 Which brings me to our next order of business. 317 00:16:03,064 --> 00:16:05,799 Fascinating. 318 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,034 I hope you don't take what I'm about to do 319 00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:10,070 As a comment on what we just did. 320 00:16:15,309 --> 00:16:16,943 (amy retching) 321 00:16:17,979 --> 00:16:21,581 (retching continues) 322 00:16:24,318 --> 00:16:27,654 Who's to say you shouldn't be dissecting our brains? 323 00:16:29,390 --> 00:16:31,791 You really are an ass. 324 00:16:31,792 --> 00:16:33,727 (retching continues) 325 00:16:34,896 --> 00:16:36,730 Morning, sheldon. 326 00:16:36,731 --> 00:16:38,465 Oh, good, you're up. 327 00:16:38,466 --> 00:16:40,600 I've written a new and improved 328 00:16:40,601 --> 00:16:43,303 Roommate agreement that benefits me greatly. 329 00:16:43,304 --> 00:16:45,338 I'd like you to sign it. 330 00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:48,208 Why would I want to do that? 331 00:16:48,209 --> 00:16:49,976 Excellent question. 332 00:16:49,977 --> 00:16:52,913 Do you remember what happened to the alien, 333 00:16:52,914 --> 00:16:55,682 Played by talented character actor frank gorshin, 334 00:16:55,683 --> 00:16:59,786 In the star trek episode "let that be your last battlefield"? 335 00:16:59,787 --> 00:17:03,723 Uh, captain kirk activated the self-destruct sequence 336 00:17:03,724 --> 00:17:05,959 And threatened to blow up the enterprise 337 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,195 And kill them both unless he gave in? 338 00:17:08,196 --> 00:17:09,462 Affirmative. 339 00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:13,500 Computer, this is dr. Sheldon cooper. 340 00:17:13,501 --> 00:17:14,968 (computer beeps) 341 00:17:14,969 --> 00:17:17,003 Activate self-destruct sequence. 342 00:17:17,004 --> 00:17:19,606 Code 1-1-a-2-b. 343 00:17:19,607 --> 00:17:22,275 Female computer voice: Self-destruct sequence activated. 344 00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:28,315 What are you gonna do, sheldon, 345 00:17:28,316 --> 00:17:29,716 Blow up the apartment? 346 00:17:29,717 --> 00:17:34,154 That was my first thought, but all my cool stuff is here. 347 00:17:34,155 --> 00:17:36,723 So what happens when it counts down? 348 00:17:36,724 --> 00:17:38,959 Unless leonard signs the new agreement 349 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,027 In the next 41 seconds, 350 00:17:41,028 --> 00:17:44,965 This computer will send an e-mail to your parents in india 351 00:17:44,966 --> 00:17:47,200 Saying that you're in a secret relationship 352 00:17:47,201 --> 00:17:49,569 With the whiter-than-marshmallow-fluff 353 00:17:49,570 --> 00:17:51,238 Leonard hofstadter. 354 00:17:51,239 --> 00:17:54,074 Oh, my god. 355 00:17:54,075 --> 00:17:55,175 What's the big deal? 356 00:17:55,176 --> 00:17:56,743 Trust me, it's a big deal. 357 00:17:56,744 --> 00:17:58,845 They're gonna find out about me eventually, right? 358 00:17:58,846 --> 00:18:00,347 Yeah, of course, just not today. 359 00:18:00,348 --> 00:18:01,915 20 seconds. 360 00:18:01,916 --> 00:18:03,083 Are you ashamed of me? 361 00:18:03,084 --> 00:18:04,284 Of course not. 362 00:18:04,285 --> 00:18:05,919 Then why can't we tell your parents? 363 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,254 Please, don't push this. 364 00:18:07,255 --> 00:18:09,489 He does that all the time, doesn't he? 15. 365 00:18:09,490 --> 00:18:11,558 Okay, fine, sheldon, you win. Turn it off. 366 00:18:11,559 --> 00:18:12,626 No, he's bluffing. 367 00:18:12,627 --> 00:18:14,961 I never bluff. Ten. It's blackmail! 368 00:18:14,962 --> 00:18:16,029 Nine. We give up. 369 00:18:16,030 --> 00:18:18,064 Eight. This is ridiculous. 370 00:18:18,065 --> 00:18:19,833 It's a laptop with a full charge. 371 00:18:19,834 --> 00:18:21,368 Honestly, what do you see in him? 372 00:18:21,369 --> 00:18:23,303 Give him what he wants or we're done. 373 00:18:23,304 --> 00:18:24,271 Three. Really? 374 00:18:24,272 --> 00:18:25,839 Two. Okay, I'll sign it! 375 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:30,510 Female computer voice: Self-destruct sequence aborted. 376 00:18:33,948 --> 00:18:35,682 You may have gone to cambridge, 377 00:18:35,683 --> 00:18:38,752 But I'm an honorary graduate of starfleet academy. 378 00:18:45,935 --> 00:18:49,204 (skype alert rings) 379 00:18:52,075 --> 00:18:54,243 Good morning, amy. 380 00:18:56,613 --> 00:19:00,349 It most assuredly is not. 381 00:19:00,350 --> 00:19:03,785 Are you experiencing dehydration, headache, 382 00:19:03,786 --> 00:19:06,955 Nausea and shame? 383 00:19:06,956 --> 00:19:08,824 Yes. 384 00:19:08,825 --> 00:19:11,093 I also found a korean man's business card 385 00:19:11,094 --> 00:19:13,495 Tucked into my cleavage. 386 00:19:13,496 --> 00:19:15,797 What happened last night? 387 00:19:15,798 --> 00:19:17,699 Ah, memory impairment; 388 00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:22,304 The free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle. 389 00:19:22,305 --> 00:19:23,438 Sheldon? 390 00:19:23,439 --> 00:19:24,573 All right. 391 00:19:24,574 --> 00:19:28,176 Last night you gave me some excellent advice 392 00:19:28,177 --> 00:19:29,544 Regarding my problem here at home, 393 00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:33,982 You kissed me and then vomited on and off for 40 minutes, 394 00:19:33,983 --> 00:19:37,786 Following which you passed out on your bathroom floor. 395 00:19:37,787 --> 00:19:40,889 I then folded a towel under your head as a pillow, 396 00:19:40,890 --> 00:19:42,824 Set your oven clock to the correct time 397 00:19:42,825 --> 00:19:45,294 Because it was driving me crazy... 398 00:19:46,162 --> 00:19:47,796 ...And I left. 399 00:19:47,797 --> 00:19:50,966 Okay. 400 00:19:50,967 --> 00:19:54,536 Don't really know where we go from here. 401 00:19:55,371 --> 00:19:57,205 I suggest we treat our relationship 402 00:19:57,206 --> 00:19:59,374 As if it were a crashed computer 403 00:19:59,375 --> 00:20:02,978 And restore it to the last point we both agree it worked. 404 00:20:02,979 --> 00:20:05,347 Terrific. Thank you. 405 00:20:05,348 --> 00:20:06,915 (monkey chittering) 406 00:20:06,916 --> 00:20:08,650 They were out of menthols! 407 00:20:08,651 --> 00:20:10,452 Get off my back! 408 00:20:13,656 --> 00:20:16,792 Not easy living with a temperamental little primate. 409 00:20:16,793 --> 00:20:19,227 Leonard: Come on, priya, just admit I embarrass you! 410 00:20:19,228 --> 00:20:20,529 You're preaching to the choir, sister. 411 00:20:20,530 --> 00:20:22,464 Captioning sponsored by cbs, warner bros. Television 412 00:20:23,464 --> 00:20:26,464 Subs straight from CC