1
00:00:00,048 --> 00:00:01,932
Previously
on The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:02,030 --> 00:00:05,031
My brother-- he's got
a big crush on Bernadette.
3
00:00:06,471 --> 00:00:09,505
You're moving
back to India?
4
00:00:15,762 --> 00:00:17,096
What's going on?
5
00:00:17,098 --> 00:00:18,547
(laughs)
6
00:00:18,549 --> 00:00:21,434
It's-It's not
what it looks like.
7
00:00:24,555 --> 00:00:27,073
What does it look like?
8
00:00:29,076 --> 00:00:32,778
It's not what it looks like.
9
00:00:33,630 --> 00:00:37,617
It's not what it looks like.
10
00:00:37,619 --> 00:00:39,285
What are you grinding about?
11
00:00:39,287 --> 00:00:42,505
Penny's brain teaser
this morning.
12
00:00:42,507 --> 00:00:44,123
She and Koothrappali
13
00:00:44,125 --> 00:00:46,342
emerge from your bedroom.
14
00:00:46,344 --> 00:00:49,879
She is disheveled, and Raj
is dressed only in a sheet.
15
00:00:49,881 --> 00:00:55,101
The sole clue:
"It's not what it looks like."
16
00:00:55,103 --> 00:00:57,803
Just let it go, Sheldon.
17
00:00:57,805 --> 00:01:01,607
If I could, I would,
but I can't, so I shan't.
18
00:01:01,609 --> 00:01:03,809
Now, knowing Penny,
19
00:01:03,811 --> 00:01:06,979
the obvious answer is,
they engaged in coitus.
20
00:01:06,981 --> 00:01:08,531
But...
21
00:01:08,533 --> 00:01:10,266
since that's
what it looked like,
22
00:01:10,268 --> 00:01:13,519
we can rule that out.
23
00:01:13,521 --> 00:01:14,620
Let's put on
24
00:01:14,622 --> 00:01:17,623
our thinking cap, shall we?
25
00:01:21,778 --> 00:01:25,047
Raj is from India,
a tropical country.
26
00:01:25,049 --> 00:01:26,749
Third World hygiene.
27
00:01:26,751 --> 00:01:30,119
Parasitic infections are common,
such as pinworms.
28
00:01:30,121 --> 00:01:31,721
Mm-hmm.
The procedure
29
00:01:31,723 --> 00:01:33,472
for diagnosing pinworms
is to wait
30
00:01:33,474 --> 00:01:35,341
until the subject is asleep,
31
00:01:35,343 --> 00:01:37,944
and the worms crawl out
of the rectum for air.
32
00:01:43,967 --> 00:01:46,269
Yes, just like that.
33
00:01:47,454 --> 00:01:49,238
Penny could have been
34
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,741
inspecting Raj's anal region
for parasites.
35
00:01:51,743 --> 00:01:53,276
Oh, boy.
36
00:01:53,278 --> 00:01:55,328
That's a true blue friend.
37
00:01:55,330 --> 00:01:59,332
They slept together, Sherlock.
38
00:01:59,334 --> 00:02:01,367
No, you weren't listening.
39
00:02:01,369 --> 00:02:04,787
She said
it's not what it looks like.
40
00:02:04,789 --> 00:02:07,206
She lied.
41
00:02:10,077 --> 00:02:12,295
Oh.
42
00:02:13,463 --> 00:02:16,849
Don't I look silly
sitting here wearing this?
43
00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:21,887
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
44
00:02:21,889 --> 00:02:25,224
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
45
00:02:25,226 --> 00:02:26,926
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
46
00:02:26,928 --> 00:02:29,362
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
47
00:02:29,364 --> 00:02:32,064
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
48
00:02:32,066 --> 00:02:34,717
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
49
00:02:34,719 --> 00:02:36,652
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
50
00:02:36,654 --> 00:02:38,621
♪ Bang! ♪
51
00:02:38,646 --> 00:02:42,146
The Big Bang Theory 5x01
The Skank Reflex Analysis
Original Air Date on September 22, 2011
52
00:02:42,171 --> 00:02:45,671
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
53
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,000
Hey.
54
00:02:53,002 --> 00:02:53,834
Hey.
55
00:02:53,836 --> 00:02:55,836
Hey.
56
00:02:57,301 --> 00:02:59,770
Hey.
57
00:03:06,415 --> 00:03:08,366
Leonard, is it awkward for you
58
00:03:08,368 --> 00:03:11,202
knowing that one of your dear
friends had sexual intercourse
59
00:03:11,204 --> 00:03:13,070
with a woman you used to love
60
00:03:13,072 --> 00:03:15,706
in the very place
you lay your head?
61
00:03:17,793 --> 00:03:19,894
No, I'm fine with it.
62
00:03:19,896 --> 00:03:22,046
That sounds like sarcasm,
63
00:03:22,048 --> 00:03:24,081
but I'm going to disregard it,
64
00:03:24,083 --> 00:03:26,801
because I have an agenda--
paintball.
65
00:03:26,803 --> 00:03:28,252
Specifically,
the interdepartmental
66
00:03:28,254 --> 00:03:29,687
tournament this weekend.
67
00:03:29,689 --> 00:03:32,756
In order to function better
as a fighting unit,
68
00:03:32,758 --> 00:03:35,592
I thought we should establish
a chain of command.
69
00:03:35,594 --> 00:03:37,061
Now, it goes
without saying
70
00:03:37,063 --> 00:03:39,013
that I would outrank
the three of you,
71
00:03:39,015 --> 00:03:41,983
but the question remains,
by how much?
72
00:03:41,985 --> 00:03:43,234
Now,
73
00:03:43,236 --> 00:03:45,870
I don't see me
as some four-star general,
74
00:03:45,872 --> 00:03:47,788
back at HQ riding a desk
75
00:03:47,790 --> 00:03:49,907
and playing golf
with the Secretary of Defense.
76
00:03:49,909 --> 00:03:51,959
But I also can't be
Sergeant Cooper,
77
00:03:51,961 --> 00:03:53,377
because that might lead you
78
00:03:53,379 --> 00:03:55,746
to think of me
as just a regular Joe.
79
00:03:55,748 --> 00:03:58,282
This might take some thought.
As you were.
80
00:03:58,284 --> 00:04:00,051
What the hell is wrong with you?
81
00:04:00,053 --> 00:04:01,719
Yeah, how could
you do that?
82
00:04:01,721 --> 00:04:04,255
- What is it to you?
- I got his back.
83
00:04:04,257 --> 00:04:06,123
Yeah, right. You're just jealous
because it turns out
84
00:04:06,125 --> 00:04:07,624
I'm Penny's
number two choice after Leonard.
85
00:04:07,626 --> 00:04:11,479
Hey, if I wasn't engaged
to Bernadette,
86
00:04:11,481 --> 00:04:13,097
that totally could have been me.
87
00:04:14,016 --> 00:04:16,100
Please. Sheldon would have been
before you,
88
00:04:16,102 --> 00:04:19,153
and he might not even
have genitals!
89
00:04:19,155 --> 00:04:20,521
Why do you care so much?
90
00:04:20,523 --> 00:04:21,806
You're dating my sister,
91
00:04:21,808 --> 00:04:23,574
and Penny and I are in love.
92
00:04:23,576 --> 00:04:24,909
BOTH:
What?!
93
00:04:24,911 --> 00:04:28,162
Gentlemen,
if I may interject,
94
00:04:28,164 --> 00:04:30,481
I've decided my rank
will be captain.
95
00:04:30,483 --> 00:04:33,334
If it's good enough for
Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo,
96
00:04:33,336 --> 00:04:35,503
it's good enough for me.
97
00:04:35,505 --> 00:04:37,738
You're not in love with Penny.
98
00:04:37,740 --> 00:04:39,123
Yes, I am.
99
00:04:39,125 --> 00:04:43,044
The god Kamadeva has shot us
with his flowery arrows of love.
100
00:04:43,046 --> 00:04:44,178
Who?
101
00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:45,563
He's the Hindu version of Cupid,
102
00:04:45,565 --> 00:04:49,016
but way better,
because he rides a giant parrot.
103
00:04:49,018 --> 00:04:53,104
Raj, come on. You fall in love
with any girl who smiles at you.
104
00:04:53,106 --> 00:04:56,357
A month ago, you were writing
poems about his fiancée.
105
00:04:57,342 --> 00:04:59,443
I'm sorry. What?!
106
00:04:59,445 --> 00:05:02,480
Rubbish. He's talking rubbish.
107
00:05:02,482 --> 00:05:05,682
"Oh, Bernadette,
please play my clarinet."
108
00:05:07,018 --> 00:05:10,371
That could have been
about anyone.
109
00:05:11,289 --> 00:05:12,689
Besides, you have nothing
to worry about,
110
00:05:12,691 --> 00:05:16,527
because now I'm the dusky half
of Koothrapenny.
111
00:05:17,329 --> 00:05:19,630
For the record,
I do have genitals.
112
00:05:20,865 --> 00:05:23,784
They're functional
and aesthetically pleasing.
113
00:05:31,810 --> 00:05:33,961
(groans)
114
00:05:34,763 --> 00:05:37,047
Well.
115
00:05:38,216 --> 00:05:39,266
(knocking)
116
00:05:39,268 --> 00:05:41,635
Oh. Coming.
117
00:05:41,637 --> 00:05:43,137
Yup, that's good.
118
00:05:43,139 --> 00:05:45,489
Wine glasses
should have handles.
119
00:05:47,242 --> 00:05:50,277
Keeping accurate track
of your alcohol intake.
120
00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:52,530
Smart idea considering
how trampy you get
121
00:05:52,532 --> 00:05:54,231
when you've had a few.
122
00:05:54,233 --> 00:05:56,016
You heard what I did?
123
00:05:56,018 --> 00:05:57,752
Well, I heard who you did.
124
00:05:57,754 --> 00:05:59,003
(grunts)
125
00:05:59,005 --> 00:06:01,705
Oh, my God,
126
00:06:01,707 --> 00:06:03,407
I screwed up everything.
127
00:06:03,409 --> 00:06:05,009
I hurt Leonard.
128
00:06:05,011 --> 00:06:06,210
I hurt Raj.
129
00:06:06,212 --> 00:06:08,012
I mean, what is wrong with me?
130
00:06:08,014 --> 00:06:10,080
I feel like
two totally different people--
131
00:06:10,082 --> 00:06:13,300
Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Whore.
132
00:06:13,302 --> 00:06:15,636
Don't be so hard on yourself.
133
00:06:15,638 --> 00:06:18,472
Do you know the story
of Catherine the Great?
134
00:06:18,474 --> 00:06:19,440
No.
135
00:06:19,442 --> 00:06:20,757
She ruled Russia
136
00:06:20,759 --> 00:06:22,443
in the late 1700s,
and one night,
137
00:06:22,445 --> 00:06:24,261
when she was feeling
particularly randy,
138
00:06:24,263 --> 00:06:26,113
she used an intricate
system of pulleys
139
00:06:26,115 --> 00:06:29,083
to have intimate
relations with a horse.
140
00:06:29,085 --> 00:06:31,652
I'm... I'm sorry.
141
00:06:31,654 --> 00:06:33,370
What does this have
to do with me?
142
00:06:33,372 --> 00:06:36,407
She engaged in
interspecies hanky-panky,
143
00:06:36,409 --> 00:06:38,959
and people still
call her "Great."
144
00:06:38,961 --> 00:06:40,444
I'm sure your
reputation can survive
145
00:06:40,446 --> 00:06:42,963
you shagging a
little Indian boy.
146
00:06:46,802 --> 00:06:48,803
(knocking)
147
00:06:48,805 --> 00:06:50,337
(sighs)
148
00:06:52,174 --> 00:06:54,091
You jerk face!
149
00:06:55,427 --> 00:06:56,577
What did you tell Howard?!
150
00:06:56,579 --> 00:06:58,846
Did you say there was something
going on between us?
151
00:06:58,848 --> 00:07:00,047
Because he thinks there is!
152
00:07:00,049 --> 00:07:02,516
He's completely freaking out!
153
00:07:02,518 --> 00:07:05,269
Please, come in.
154
00:07:05,271 --> 00:07:07,638
- What the hell is wrong with you?!
- Well...
155
00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:10,741
You were always so nice to me,
I thought maybe you liked me.
156
00:07:10,743 --> 00:07:14,512
I'm nice to everyone!
157
00:07:14,514 --> 00:07:16,413
I'm sorry.
158
00:07:16,415 --> 00:07:18,365
Damn right, you're sorry!
159
00:07:18,367 --> 00:07:21,952
And you tell Howard there's
never been anything between us!
160
00:07:21,954 --> 00:07:24,922
- I will. Hey, Bernadette?
- What?!
161
00:07:24,924 --> 00:07:27,007
Do you think
I have a shot with Penny?
162
00:07:27,009 --> 00:07:29,159
Of course you do.
You're a cutie pie!
163
00:07:29,161 --> 00:07:32,162
Any girl would be lucky
to have you!
164
00:07:35,333 --> 00:07:37,501
You know, I've
done this before.
165
00:07:37,503 --> 00:07:39,019
In kindergarten,
166
00:07:39,021 --> 00:07:40,971
I was supposed to marry
Jason Sorensen at recess,
167
00:07:40,973 --> 00:07:42,773
but by the time
my class got out there,
168
00:07:42,775 --> 00:07:45,059
he was already engaged
to Chelsea Himmelfarb.
169
00:07:46,194 --> 00:07:47,344
So what did I do?
170
00:07:47,346 --> 00:07:48,979
Hung upside down
from the monkey bars,
171
00:07:48,981 --> 00:07:52,449
let all the boys see
my underpants.
172
00:07:52,451 --> 00:07:53,734
You can't blame yourself.
173
00:07:53,736 --> 00:07:56,353
When your prefrontal cortex
fails to make you happy,
174
00:07:56,355 --> 00:07:59,022
promiscuity rewards you with
the needed flood of dopamine.
175
00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:03,527
We neurobiologists refer
to this as the "skank reflex."
176
00:08:03,529 --> 00:08:04,962
You know what?
177
00:08:04,964 --> 00:08:06,547
Let's get out of here.
178
00:08:06,549 --> 00:08:07,831
Where are we going?
179
00:08:07,833 --> 00:08:09,700
Somewhere where no
one's seen me naked.
180
00:08:09,702 --> 00:08:11,552
We may have to
drive awhile.
181
00:08:11,554 --> 00:08:13,420
(clears throat)
182
00:08:19,261 --> 00:08:22,680
Subtlety isn't
her strong suit, is it?
183
00:08:22,682 --> 00:08:25,015
Can I stay at your
place for a few nights?
184
00:08:25,017 --> 00:08:26,150
Really?
185
00:08:26,152 --> 00:08:29,339
A best friend sleepover? Yay.
186
00:08:30,573 --> 00:08:32,740
Yeah, sure. Yay!
187
00:08:32,742 --> 00:08:34,608
We'll make popcorn,
stay up all night
188
00:08:34,610 --> 00:08:37,578
and I'll teach you
my secret language, Op.
189
00:08:37,580 --> 00:08:39,663
- Sounds great.
- Nope.
190
00:08:39,665 --> 00:08:42,666
Sounds "Gop Rop E A Top."
191
00:08:42,668 --> 00:08:45,536
- Yeah, I'm gonna go pack a bag.
- No, you're not.
192
00:08:45,538 --> 00:08:50,174
You're gonna
"Pop A Cop Kop A Bop A Gop."
193
00:08:55,764 --> 00:08:58,215
Do we really have
to wear this camouflage crap
194
00:08:58,217 --> 00:09:00,267
to play paintball?
195
00:09:00,269 --> 00:09:01,552
Who said that?
196
00:09:01,554 --> 00:09:03,771
Leonard, I can
hear your voice,
197
00:09:03,773 --> 00:09:05,723
but I can't see you.
198
00:09:05,725 --> 00:09:09,276
I'm not in the mood, Sheldon.
199
00:09:09,278 --> 00:09:11,145
Oh, there you are!
200
00:09:11,147 --> 00:09:13,096
Leonard,
201
00:09:13,098 --> 00:09:16,450
I know you're upset
about recent events, and
202
00:09:16,452 --> 00:09:17,952
I have someone
here to help.
203
00:09:17,954 --> 00:09:19,620
I don't want
to talk to Amy.
204
00:09:19,622 --> 00:09:22,606
No, it's not Amy.
205
00:09:22,608 --> 00:09:24,575
Hello, dear.
206
00:09:24,577 --> 00:09:26,577
You called my mother?
207
00:09:26,579 --> 00:09:27,795
Oh, Leonard,
208
00:09:27,797 --> 00:09:30,748
is it really necessary
to caption the obvious?
209
00:09:30,750 --> 00:09:34,068
He's been like that
since he was a toddler.
210
00:09:34,070 --> 00:09:36,053
"Look, Mommy-- a butterfly."
211
00:09:36,055 --> 00:09:38,439
Maddening.
212
00:09:39,791 --> 00:09:41,558
What's going on?
What do you want?
213
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:42,843
Sheldon informed me
214
00:09:42,845 --> 00:09:45,062
that you're experiencing
an emotional upheaval,
215
00:09:45,064 --> 00:09:46,497
and I'm here to help.
216
00:09:46,499 --> 00:09:48,999
That's so nice.
217
00:09:49,001 --> 00:09:51,452
And we're back to the obvious.
218
00:09:52,654 --> 00:09:54,188
Now, what's up?
219
00:09:54,190 --> 00:09:57,691
Well, uh... okay.
220
00:09:57,693 --> 00:09:59,743
Um...
221
00:09:59,745 --> 00:10:01,996
I don't want to get
back together with Penny.
222
00:10:01,998 --> 00:10:05,282
We tried it, it was crazy,
it didn't work,
223
00:10:05,284 --> 00:10:06,784
but I can't deal with the fact
224
00:10:06,786 --> 00:10:08,869
that she slept
with my friend Raj.
225
00:10:08,871 --> 00:10:11,154
And then I find out
that Raj's sister Priya,
226
00:10:11,156 --> 00:10:13,624
who I've been going out with
for eight months,
227
00:10:13,626 --> 00:10:15,092
is moving back to India.
228
00:10:15,094 --> 00:10:18,495
So I'm just completely confused
and alone.
229
00:10:18,497 --> 00:10:20,014
I understand.
230
00:10:20,016 --> 00:10:21,665
Got any advice?
231
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:23,851
Yes. Buck up.
232
00:10:25,270 --> 00:10:26,970
Excuse me.
233
00:10:26,972 --> 00:10:28,555
You're a world-renowned expert
234
00:10:28,557 --> 00:10:30,307
in parenting
and child development,
235
00:10:30,309 --> 00:10:32,342
and all you've got is "Buck up"?
236
00:10:32,344 --> 00:10:34,144
Sorry.
237
00:10:34,146 --> 00:10:35,863
Buck up, sissy pants.
238
00:10:37,532 --> 00:10:39,316
Thanks, Mother.
I feel much better.
239
00:10:39,318 --> 00:10:41,285
If you need any more help
from me,
240
00:10:41,287 --> 00:10:43,704
my books are available
on Amazon.
241
00:10:43,706 --> 00:10:45,906
Logging off.
242
00:10:50,649 --> 00:10:55,302
...ninety-nine,
one hundred.
243
00:10:55,303 --> 00:10:59,522
It's like a waterfall
of liquid gold.
244
00:10:59,524 --> 00:11:00,957
My turn.
245
00:11:05,863 --> 00:11:08,181
(sighs) You know,
I don't even know what the point
246
00:11:08,183 --> 00:11:09,616
of me staying in L.A. is.
247
00:11:09,618 --> 00:11:12,369
I haven't gotten a single acting
job since I moved out here.
248
00:11:12,371 --> 00:11:14,320
The closest I came
was last month,
249
00:11:14,322 --> 00:11:16,856
I got a callback
for a hemorrhoid commercial.
250
00:11:16,858 --> 00:11:21,111
Oh, I could so see you being
the face of hemorrhoids.
251
00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:23,830
I know, right?
252
00:11:23,832 --> 00:11:24,864
(sighs)
253
00:11:24,866 --> 00:11:27,033
Maybe I should just
move back to Nebraska.
254
00:11:27,035 --> 00:11:29,135
No, I can't let
you do that.
255
00:11:29,137 --> 00:11:30,203
Why not?
256
00:11:30,205 --> 00:11:31,204
(knock on door)
257
00:11:31,206 --> 00:11:32,655
For the first
time ever,
258
00:11:32,657 --> 00:11:34,090
I have a thriving
social life.
259
00:11:34,092 --> 00:11:35,058
And no pressure,
260
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:38,311
but it kind of
lives and dies with you.
261
00:11:40,214 --> 00:11:41,214
Hi, Amy.
262
00:11:41,216 --> 00:11:42,432
Can I talk to Penny?
263
00:11:42,434 --> 00:11:44,851
A guest in my trundle bed
and a boy at my door?
264
00:11:44,853 --> 00:11:49,355
I wish I could tell 13-year-old
me "it does get better."
265
00:11:49,357 --> 00:11:51,274
How did you know I was here?
266
00:11:51,276 --> 00:11:53,559
It's all over her
Facebook page.
267
00:11:57,397 --> 00:11:58,948
I'll take your stuff
to the bedroom
268
00:11:58,950 --> 00:12:00,583
and clear out a drawer.
Thanks.
269
00:12:00,585 --> 00:12:03,503
No problem. Try and keep it
in your pants, okay?
270
00:12:06,590 --> 00:12:08,407
So, hi.
271
00:12:08,409 --> 00:12:09,509
What's up?
272
00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:11,594
I was wondering if
you're free Friday.
273
00:12:11,596 --> 00:12:13,680
They're having a Totally
'80s Night at the Greek.
274
00:12:13,682 --> 00:12:15,515
Hall & Oates,
Katrina and the Waves
275
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:17,684
and three-fifths of Kajagoogoo.
276
00:12:17,686 --> 00:12:19,552
(chuckles):
Oh.
277
00:12:19,554 --> 00:12:21,604
Gee, that's really sweet,
but the thing is...
278
00:12:21,606 --> 00:12:23,590
Aw, there's a thing.
279
00:12:23,592 --> 00:12:25,725
Look, honey, I was really drunk
280
00:12:25,727 --> 00:12:27,444
and made a huge mistake
last night.
281
00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:29,112
We should've never
slept together.
282
00:12:29,114 --> 00:12:30,897
It's what ruins friendships.
283
00:12:30,899 --> 00:12:33,149
You can't ruin a friendship
with sex.
284
00:12:33,151 --> 00:12:37,170
That's like trying to ruin ice
cream with chocolate sprinkles.
285
00:12:38,706 --> 00:12:39,706
Come here.
286
00:12:39,708 --> 00:12:42,041
Just listen to me.
287
00:12:42,043 --> 00:12:44,661
I want to go back
to the way we were before.
288
00:12:44,663 --> 00:12:46,329
You know, friends.
289
00:12:46,331 --> 00:12:48,465
No sprinkles.
290
00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:53,036
Oh.
291
00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:54,137
All right.
292
00:12:54,139 --> 00:12:56,506
Thank you.
293
00:12:56,508 --> 00:12:58,624
(sighs)
294
00:12:58,626 --> 00:13:00,593
Well, uh...
(clears throat)
295
00:13:00,595 --> 00:13:05,482
as your friend, you might
like to know that, um...
296
00:13:09,236 --> 00:13:14,190
we didn't have sex in
the conventional sense.
297
00:13:17,628 --> 00:13:19,662
Oh, God.
298
00:13:19,664 --> 00:13:23,082
Did you pull some weird
Indian crap on me?
299
00:13:23,084 --> 00:13:25,585
No, no.
300
00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:29,822
After we got undressed
and jumped in bed,
301
00:13:29,824 --> 00:13:32,375
you-you asked if
I had protection.
302
00:13:32,377 --> 00:13:33,760
Oh, you did, didn't you?
303
00:13:33,762 --> 00:13:35,678
Of course. I'm
always packing.
304
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,714
Anyway,
305
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:40,666
um, I had trouble
putting it on
306
00:13:40,668 --> 00:13:43,937
and you tried
to help and...
307
00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:49,792
that was all
she wrote.
308
00:13:54,665 --> 00:13:56,482
So, we didn't actually...
309
00:13:56,484 --> 00:13:57,483
I did.
310
00:13:57,485 --> 00:13:59,502
It was beautiful.
311
00:14:03,523 --> 00:14:04,741
Oh!
312
00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:06,192
Penny, please,
please promise me
313
00:14:06,194 --> 00:14:07,660
you won't tell
anybody about this.
314
00:14:07,662 --> 00:14:09,195
Of course I won't.
No, I won't.
315
00:14:09,197 --> 00:14:11,164
Oh, good.
(exhales)
316
00:14:11,166 --> 00:14:12,932
Um, can I tell
people that our love
317
00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:14,217
burned too bright
and too quickly?
318
00:14:14,219 --> 00:14:17,036
Kind of a "Candle
in the Wind" deal?
319
00:14:17,038 --> 00:14:18,087
Sure.
320
00:14:18,089 --> 00:14:19,806
Cool. Can I say
it fell apart
321
00:14:19,808 --> 00:14:21,874
because you were all, "I
want to have your babies""
322
00:14:21,876 --> 00:14:25,028
and I was like, "I'm too rock
and roll to be tied down"?
323
00:14:26,547 --> 00:14:27,597
No.
324
00:14:27,599 --> 00:14:31,568
Can I say I ruined
you for white men?
325
00:14:33,404 --> 00:14:36,189
Also no.
326
00:14:36,191 --> 00:14:37,407
Okay, just the
candle thing.
327
00:14:37,409 --> 00:14:39,558
Yeah.
328
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,277
Cool.
329
00:14:41,279 --> 00:14:43,413
All right... friend.
330
00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:44,614
Hmm.
331
00:14:44,616 --> 00:14:46,899
I'll see you around.
332
00:14:46,901 --> 00:14:47,784
Okay.
333
00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:51,721
Raj, wait.
334
00:14:55,742 --> 00:14:58,878
Thank you for being my friend.
335
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,746
Penny?
336
00:15:00,748 --> 00:15:01,931
Mm-hmm?
337
00:15:01,933 --> 00:15:03,383
It's getting
beautiful again.
338
00:15:07,087 --> 00:15:09,555
All right, this is
a Google Earth view
339
00:15:09,557 --> 00:15:11,441
of the field
of battle.
340
00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:12,692
I don't see anything.
341
00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:14,811
Give it a
second to load.
342
00:15:14,813 --> 00:15:16,595
Whenever you're
ready, AT&T!
343
00:15:16,597 --> 00:15:19,449
Okay, here we go.
344
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:22,035
This is us here.
To the south is Professor Loomis
345
00:15:22,037 --> 00:15:23,403
and the Geology Department.
346
00:15:23,405 --> 00:15:26,239
According to their Twitter feed,
they're out of sunblock,
347
00:15:26,241 --> 00:15:30,660
which means they'll have to hug
the tree line or risk melanoma.
348
00:15:31,378 --> 00:15:32,629
That's our edge.
349
00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:35,281
All we have to do is move
quickly over this ridge,
350
00:15:35,283 --> 00:15:36,666
the rock-worshipping
pasty-faced bastards
351
00:15:36,668 --> 00:15:37,950
won't know what hit them!
352
00:15:37,952 --> 00:15:40,136
All right, let's move out.
353
00:15:40,971 --> 00:15:43,056
Hang on, Sheldon.
354
00:15:43,058 --> 00:15:46,926
How could you not tell me your
sister was moving back to India?
355
00:15:46,928 --> 00:15:49,345
Maybe he was too busy
writing clumsy penis metaphors
356
00:15:49,347 --> 00:15:51,347
about my fiancée.
357
00:15:51,349 --> 00:15:52,482
Screw you.
358
00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:55,618
That was a beautifully written
penis metaphor.
359
00:15:58,656 --> 00:16:01,524
You know what, guys, I'm not
in the mood for paintball.
360
00:16:01,526 --> 00:16:03,326
What do you say
we just bag it?
361
00:16:03,328 --> 00:16:05,078
- Fine with me.
- Sure, whatever.
362
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,479
You can't quit.
363
00:16:06,481 --> 00:16:08,231
That's a court-
martial offense.
364
00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:10,700
That's punishable by...
365
00:16:10,702 --> 00:16:12,618
You can't quit.
366
00:16:12,620 --> 00:16:16,339
Sorry, Sheldon, it's just not
a good time for playing games.
367
00:16:16,341 --> 00:16:18,657
This is a game to you?
368
00:16:18,659 --> 00:16:21,928
Uh, was the Battle of Antietam
a game?
369
00:16:21,930 --> 00:16:25,048
Huh? Was the sack
of Rome a game?
370
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:28,667
Yes, no and no.
371
00:16:28,669 --> 00:16:29,969
Wait.
372
00:16:31,055 --> 00:16:34,774
I just want you all to know
that I forgive you.
373
00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:37,393
This mutiny
isn't your fault,
374
00:16:37,395 --> 00:16:39,345
it's mine.
375
00:16:39,347 --> 00:16:41,531
I haven't earned these bars.
376
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:49,906
Although what I lack
in leadership,
377
00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:53,326
apparently I more than
make up for in sewing.
378
00:16:53,328 --> 00:16:55,361
Let it go, Sheldon.
379
00:16:55,363 --> 00:16:57,714
I'll get you a Jamba Juice
on the way home.
380
00:16:57,716 --> 00:16:58,715
No.
381
00:16:58,717 --> 00:17:02,051
Jamba Juice is for heroes.
382
00:17:04,088 --> 00:17:06,372
And that's what
we're going to be.
383
00:17:08,092 --> 00:17:09,425
What are you doing?
384
00:17:09,427 --> 00:17:14,713
Following in the footsteps
of Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo.
385
00:17:19,570 --> 00:17:21,771
(people shouting in distance)
386
00:17:27,244 --> 00:17:31,280
Geology isn't a real science!
387
00:17:31,282 --> 00:17:34,617
(paintball guns popping)
388
00:17:45,012 --> 00:17:46,512
(popping ceases)
389
00:17:47,914 --> 00:17:51,384
Damn those sons
of bitches!
390
00:17:51,386 --> 00:17:52,935
Let's get 'em!
391
00:17:52,937 --> 00:17:54,753
Eat paint!
392
00:17:54,755 --> 00:17:57,390
(yelling)
393
00:17:59,926 --> 00:18:01,944
If there's ever
a Church of Sheldon,
394
00:18:01,946 --> 00:18:04,597
this will be when it started.
395
00:18:04,599 --> 00:18:05,565
(paintball guns popping)
396
00:18:05,567 --> 00:18:08,251
Ow!
397
00:18:09,369 --> 00:18:11,103
I'd like to
propose a toast
398
00:18:11,105 --> 00:18:14,707
to the man whose noble
sacrifice inspired our victory,
399
00:18:14,709 --> 00:18:16,459
Captain Sheldon Cooper.
400
00:18:16,461 --> 00:18:17,994
Hear, hear.
Hear, hear.
401
00:18:17,996 --> 00:18:20,830
Excuse me.
It's Major Sheldon Cooper.
402
00:18:21,498 --> 00:18:22,948
With my last breath,
403
00:18:22,950 --> 00:18:26,252
I awarded myself
a battlefield promotion.
404
00:18:26,854 --> 00:18:28,387
It's kind of a big deal.
405
00:18:28,389 --> 00:18:30,173
(knock on door)
406
00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:33,142
Hi. You guys have a minute?
407
00:18:34,728 --> 00:18:36,962
Uh, yeah, sure.
408
00:18:36,964 --> 00:18:38,598
Okay.
409
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,233
Um...
(clears throat)
410
00:18:40,235 --> 00:18:42,735
Well, I already talked to Raj,
but I wanted to apologize
411
00:18:42,737 --> 00:18:44,020
to the rest of you for,
412
00:18:44,022 --> 00:18:46,906
you know, everything.
413
00:18:46,908 --> 00:18:48,574
Please, Penny, let me.
(clears throat)
414
00:18:48,576 --> 00:18:53,362
We've decided to let our crazy,
wonderful night together
415
00:18:53,364 --> 00:18:56,082
be just one of those
memories you have
416
00:18:56,084 --> 00:18:58,201
and can call to mind
when you're feeling blue
417
00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:00,303
or you're in the shower.
418
00:19:02,155 --> 00:19:04,340
Hey, what you doing,
Quick Draw?
419
00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:11,714
Sorry. Go on.
420
00:19:11,716 --> 00:19:13,349
(clears throat)
421
00:19:13,351 --> 00:19:16,135
Anyways, I wanted you guys all
to know that I've been taking
422
00:19:16,137 --> 00:19:19,105
a really hard look at things
and come to the conclusion
423
00:19:19,107 --> 00:19:21,023
I have to stop kidding myself.
424
00:19:21,025 --> 00:19:23,109
I suck at acting.
425
00:19:23,111 --> 00:19:25,778
It's time for me
to move back to Nebraska.
426
00:19:25,780 --> 00:19:27,680
You're leaving?
427
00:19:27,682 --> 00:19:28,981
Yeah.
428
00:19:28,983 --> 00:19:30,950
What are you
going to do in Nebraska?
429
00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:33,819
I don't know,
maybe teach acting.
430
00:19:33,821 --> 00:19:34,871
(cell phone ringing)
431
00:19:34,873 --> 00:19:36,789
Oh, sorry. Hold on.
432
00:19:36,791 --> 00:19:38,241
Hello?
433
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:41,026
Penny, listen, I hope you're not
doing this 'cause of you and me,
434
00:19:41,028 --> 00:19:43,362
because I have a girlfriend,
and you're a single woman...
435
00:19:43,364 --> 00:19:44,530
Shh! It's my agent,
it's my agent.
436
00:19:44,532 --> 00:19:45,831
You're kidding.
437
00:19:45,833 --> 00:19:46,799
Oh, my gosh.
438
00:19:46,801 --> 00:19:48,634
I can't believe it!
Really?!
439
00:19:48,636 --> 00:19:49,702
Oh, I'm so excited!
440
00:19:49,704 --> 00:19:50,670
Thank you!
441
00:19:50,672 --> 00:19:51,888
Thank you so much.
442
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:53,172
Okay, bye.
443
00:19:53,174 --> 00:19:54,674
I got the hemorrhoid commercial!
444
00:19:54,676 --> 00:19:55,858
I start Monday!
445
00:19:57,895 --> 00:19:59,595
What about Nebraska?
446
00:19:59,597 --> 00:20:00,596
Oh, hell with Nebraska.
447
00:20:00,598 --> 00:20:02,732
I'm gonna be a star!
448
00:20:02,734 --> 00:20:03,799
(door closes)
449
00:20:03,801 --> 00:20:06,235
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
450
00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:13,359
Have you ever thought
of teaching physics?
451
00:20:23,752 --> 00:20:25,536
Ready to ride?
452
00:20:25,537 --> 00:20:27,287
I don't think
so, Mom.
453
00:20:27,289 --> 00:20:29,005
Not today.
454
00:20:29,007 --> 00:20:30,257
Oh, sweetie.
455
00:20:30,259 --> 00:20:32,592
Hemorrhoids acting up again?
456
00:20:32,594 --> 00:20:34,744
You don't know the half of it.
457
00:20:34,746 --> 00:20:36,913
Oh, yes, I do.
458
00:20:36,915 --> 00:20:39,382
Try a dab of this.
459
00:20:40,918 --> 00:20:44,804
"Rose-scented
Preparation-H for women?"
460
00:20:44,806 --> 00:20:49,075
Now, the "H" is for "her."
461
00:20:52,864 --> 00:20:54,581
I'm proud of you.
462
00:20:54,583 --> 00:20:55,515
Shh!
463
00:20:55,517 --> 00:20:56,683
Here comes
my joke.
464
00:20:56,685 --> 00:20:58,652
How you doing?
465
00:20:58,654 --> 00:21:02,272
Sittin' pretty.