1
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Resynch: Travis for forom.com
Transcript: Chocolate for english.yyets.net

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Wow. That's quite something.
Quite an honour.

3
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I know.

4
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They must be
impressed with you.

5
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I didn't even know they had
an employee of the month.

6
00:00:38,290 --> 00:00:40,080
Really? I thought
you won it once.

7
00:00:40,090 --> 00:00:42,240
No, that was...
everyone thought I was dead.

8
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,600
A-ha.

9
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:45,560
Hmm, employee...

10
00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:46,840
..of the month.

11
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Yeah, it's,
it's a valued title.

12
00:00:49,334 --> 00:00:50,569
Have you ever won it?

13
00:00:50,576 --> 00:00:51,080
Er, no.

14
00:00:51,099 --> 00:00:52,163
No.

15
00:00:52,175 --> 00:00:54,722
I haven't.
I don't know, Jen, sometimes I think

16
00:00:54,738 --> 00:00:57,123
it's because I just want it,
so damn much!

17
00:00:58,207 --> 00:01:00,680
I am the employee of the month.

18
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And yet, to a casual observer,

19
00:01:02,135 --> 00:01:04,642
it'd appear that you do
very little around here.

20
00:01:04,657 --> 00:01:07,880
Yeah, they must have
seen through that.

21
00:01:07,898 --> 00:01:12,161
I think someone up there must
have sensed something in me.

22
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Something I've always
known was there, er...

23
00:01:15,257 --> 00:01:17,160
a greatness?

24
00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:21,762
No, I'm not saying
that, but...something...

25
00:01:21,776 --> 00:01:24,441
Yeah, yeah,
I'm sensing something.

26
00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:28,281
Don't worry,
I won't let it go to my head.

27
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:30,563
Moss, guess who's won
employee of the month?

28
00:01:30,576 --> 00:01:31,083
Roy.

29
00:01:31,098 --> 00:01:32,682
No.

30
00:01:32,696 --> 00:01:34,123
Richmond. No.

31
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Harry.

32
00:01:34,857 --> 00:01:36,001
Who's Harry?

33
00:01:36,015 --> 00:01:37,602
The postman. No.

34
00:01:37,618 --> 00:01:38,280
Me.

35
00:01:38,296 --> 00:01:39,443
No.

36
00:01:39,456 --> 00:01:40,962
I said Roy, right? Richmond?

37
00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:42,000
Me!

38
00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:44,480
Oh, about time!

39
00:01:46,325 --> 00:01:48,483
Whatever happened to Richmond?

40
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He got scurvy.

41
00:01:54,326 --> 00:01:56,043
Can you be more specific?

42
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I'm trying to picture your
role in Reynholm Industries.

43
00:01:59,017 --> 00:02:04,723
Well, I'm the boss, head honcho,
numero uno, Mr Big,

44
00:02:04,738 --> 00:02:11,640
The Godfather, Lord Of The Rings,
the Bourne Identity, er...

45
00:02:11,657 --> 00:02:13,602
Taxi Driver, Jaws.

46
00:02:14,686 --> 00:02:17,722
I forgot the question,
quite a while back. Who are you again?

47
00:02:17,736 --> 00:02:19,560
I'm April Shepherd.

48
00:02:19,577 --> 00:02:22,882
You're Richest magazine's Man Of
The Year. I'm doing the profile.

49
00:02:22,898 --> 00:02:24,120
Oh yes, that's right.

50
00:02:24,135 --> 00:02:26,241
I know you're the boss,
but what does that entail?

51
00:02:26,255 --> 00:02:28,203
Oh, many things.

52
00:02:28,218 --> 00:02:30,040
Like this morning,
for instance.

53
00:02:30,055 --> 00:02:33,000
I had to choose the Employee
Of The Month, from the box.

54
00:02:35,726 --> 00:02:38,120
May I ask,
what are you doing on that pad?

55
00:02:38,137 --> 00:02:40,723
One of my little
hobbies is caricature.

56
00:02:42,246 --> 00:02:44,882
Sometimes, I like to sketch
someone as I'm talking to them.

57
00:02:45,927 --> 00:02:46,603
May I?

58
00:02:46,618 --> 00:02:48,322
Well, I'm not very good.

59
00:02:48,337 --> 00:02:49,880
I'm no Truman Capote.

60
00:02:56,207 --> 00:02:58,920
Great, OK. Um...

61
00:02:58,935 --> 00:03:02,043
I'll tell you what,
let's just do some quick-fire questions.

62
00:03:02,055 --> 00:03:04,802
Maybe they'll give me an
insight into the real you.

63
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:05,963
OK.

64
00:03:05,975 --> 00:03:08,243
Tell me, who's your favourite
person from history?

65
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:09,800
Sherlock Holmes.

66
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:11,880
Well, he's fictional.

67
00:03:11,896 --> 00:03:16,123
Whoa! I think you'd better
check your facts there.

68
00:03:16,135 --> 00:03:17,201
Fictional?

69
00:03:17,215 --> 00:03:19,643
Who took care of the
business with the giant dog

70
00:03:19,656 --> 00:03:21,161
that was eating everybody?

71
00:03:21,178 --> 00:03:23,240
Well, it wasn't Watson.

72
00:03:23,258 --> 00:03:26,123
Don't tell me,
I suppose he was fictional too.

73
00:03:26,138 --> 00:03:28,603
Maybe there was no giant dog.

74
00:03:30,206 --> 00:03:34,803
No, no, I think you're playing
games with me, young lady.

75
00:03:35,727 --> 00:03:38,002
OK, then,
favourite fictional character.

76
00:03:38,017 --> 00:03:40,560
Oh, ha-ha, ha!
The Elephant Man.

77
00:03:40,577 --> 00:03:43,002
Tell you what,
let me widen the question out.

78
00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,442
Favourite popular figure?

79
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,321
Churchill.

80
00:03:46,335 --> 00:03:48,123
Well, what is it
you like about him?

81
00:03:48,138 --> 00:03:50,320
I love the way he says,

82
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"Oh, yes. Oh, yes."

83
00:03:55,286 --> 00:03:58,802
I think, perhaps it's you
who's playing games with me.

84
00:03:58,816 --> 00:04:01,200
You're a very surprising man,
Mr Reynholm.

85
00:04:01,216 --> 00:04:02,163
Yes.

86
00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:05,921
I am a surprising man.

87
00:04:07,005 --> 00:04:09,442
April, may I take
you to dinner?

88
00:04:09,455 --> 00:04:11,562
Oh, I don't think I could..

89
00:04:11,578 --> 00:04:13,003
In Paris.

90
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:15,243
Paris?

91
00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:18,402
Paris, yes. It's the name of
a new restaurant in Hull.

92
00:04:18,415 --> 00:04:20,481
That's right,
we're going to Hull!

93
00:04:22,567 --> 00:04:26,482
Hey, Roy, come over here.
Look at this.

94
00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:31,122
"The biggest adventure
you can ever take

95
00:04:31,136 --> 00:04:35,643
"is to live the life of your dreams" -
Oprah Winfrey.

96
00:04:35,655 --> 00:04:38,403
I suppose that is the
biggest adventure.

97
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:40,722
Guys, come on in.

98
00:04:41,846 --> 00:04:43,323
Sit down.

99
00:04:43,336 --> 00:04:44,643
Is this a new desk?

100
00:04:44,658 --> 00:04:47,363
Yeah, I thought I needed
some new furniture.

101
00:04:47,375 --> 00:04:49,961
So, I got some stuff from upstairs.
Sit down, please.

102
00:04:56,365 --> 00:05:00,763
I just thought, what with all
this extra attention on us...

103
00:05:00,775 --> 00:05:04,480
on me, it might be worth
looking at ourselves and saying,

104
00:05:04,496 --> 00:05:08,600
"Hey, am I really giving
it 110 per cent?"

105
00:05:08,618 --> 00:05:11,282
And if not, "Why not?
What the heck is wrong with me?

106
00:05:11,298 --> 00:05:13,202
"Am I mentally
ill or something?"

107
00:05:13,216 --> 00:05:16,801
Roy, let's start with you.

108
00:05:16,815 --> 00:05:19,641
When you're upstairs,
fiddling about with computers...

109
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:23,480
..would it hurt to smile?

110
00:05:23,495 --> 00:05:26,240
Don't you realise what a
difference that would make?

111
00:05:26,257 --> 00:05:29,320
Eh? Come on,
let's see a smile now, come on.

112
00:05:33,687 --> 00:05:35,603
No, more warmth, warmer.

113
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You're just showing more teeth,
that's not warmth.

114
00:05:39,857 --> 00:05:43,281
I would say that's more of a
threatening look, actually.

115
00:05:43,296 --> 00:05:47,200
I'll tell you what, Roy, keep at it.
That's your homework. Moss.

116
00:05:47,218 --> 00:05:49,323
So, what's your speech
going to be about?

117
00:05:49,338 --> 00:05:50,840
What speech?

118
00:05:50,855 --> 00:05:52,962
Every employee of the
month has to give a speech

119
00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:54,923
in their area of expertise.

120
00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:57,723
Which for you is computers.

121
00:06:00,368 --> 00:06:02,003
Where do I have to...?

122
00:06:02,016 --> 00:06:04,400
At the monthly
shareholders meeting.

123
00:06:05,725 --> 00:06:06,841
When do I have to...?

124
00:06:06,855 --> 00:06:08,441
Friday.

125
00:06:08,457 --> 00:06:10,360
What time...?

126
00:06:10,375 --> 00:06:11,641
Morning.

127
00:06:13,767 --> 00:06:15,361
How's that?

128
00:06:42,526 --> 00:06:43,562
What's up, guys?

129
00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:44,842
All right, Jen?

130
00:06:44,855 --> 00:06:46,882
Urgh!

131
00:06:47,925 --> 00:06:51,281
God! Just writing a speech.

132
00:06:51,296 --> 00:06:53,721
Oh, yeah, that's right.
How's that going?

133
00:06:53,736 --> 00:06:55,443
Good, good, good, good...

134
00:06:57,047 --> 00:07:00,040
You know, I was thinking, er...

135
00:07:00,056 --> 00:07:02,523
if there's anything
you guys wanna say,

136
00:07:02,538 --> 00:07:04,163
I can put it in,
it's no problem.

137
00:07:04,178 --> 00:07:07,561
Oh, oh, yeah, oh,
mm, interesting.

138
00:07:07,578 --> 00:07:10,961
Um, is there anything you'd like
to say to the shareholders, Moss?

139
00:07:10,978 --> 00:07:13,081
Just say, "Hi."

140
00:07:13,098 --> 00:07:14,360
Say, "Hi," from us.

141
00:07:15,927 --> 00:07:16,920
OK.

142
00:07:18,508 --> 00:07:19,882
I love this.

143
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:22,120
I wonder how many more
times she's gonna come in.

144
00:07:22,133 --> 00:07:25,329
I think, it'd be a good idea if
you two contributed to this, I do.

145
00:07:25,334 --> 00:07:27,129
Oh, yeah. Why?

146
00:07:27,136 --> 00:07:29,640
Hmm. I think,
I think it would give you experience

147
00:07:29,659 --> 00:07:31,601
in writing a speech
for a public figure.

148
00:07:31,615 --> 00:07:34,640
Well, obviously,
in our line of work that would be handy.

149
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:38,683
But, you know what, Jen,
I'm actually, I'm snowed under here.

150
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:48,842
Wait a second! Wait a second!
Oh, oh, what are we doing?

151
00:07:48,855 --> 00:07:49,881
Eh?

152
00:07:49,895 --> 00:07:51,280
We should write that speech!

153
00:07:51,297 --> 00:07:52,320
What? Why?

154
00:07:52,338 --> 00:07:53,403
Offer to write the speech.

155
00:07:53,417 --> 00:07:54,683
No.

156
00:07:54,696 --> 00:07:56,003
You have to! I can't!

157
00:07:56,016 --> 00:07:57,843
She'll know something's
up if I do it!

158
00:07:57,857 --> 00:07:59,240
Why would I do that?

159
00:07:59,256 --> 00:08:00,843
Moss, do you trust me?

160
00:08:00,857 --> 00:08:02,681
No.

161
00:08:02,698 --> 00:08:03,323
Do you trust me?

162
00:08:03,337 --> 00:08:04,400
No.

163
00:08:04,416 --> 00:08:06,923
If you trust me,
then offer to write that speech!

164
00:08:06,936 --> 00:08:09,080
I. Don't. Trust. You.

165
00:08:10,325 --> 00:08:11,401
Hello.

166
00:08:11,415 --> 00:08:14,642
'I feel really bad having all
the fun writing this speech.'

167
00:08:15,725 --> 00:08:16,961
Offer, offer, offer.

168
00:08:16,975 --> 00:08:22,042
Well, I suppose we could write
the speech so that, you know,

169
00:08:22,056 --> 00:08:24,282
you look like you know
what you're talking about.

170
00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:26,842
Thanks, I'm off for lunch.
Leave it on my desk.

171
00:08:29,567 --> 00:08:31,563
My God.

172
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,280
I know.

173
00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:35,003
That's brilliant.

174
00:08:35,018 --> 00:08:38,682
So, now you understand why we have
to write that speech for Jen.

175
00:08:38,696 --> 00:08:41,723
She will say anything
we tell her to.

176
00:08:41,737 --> 00:08:44,403
She will say anything
we tell her to.

177
00:08:44,415 --> 00:08:49,040
We can put any old bollocks in that
speech and she shall repeat it.

178
00:08:49,056 --> 00:08:51,280
It's going to be hilarious.

179
00:08:51,296 --> 00:08:54,323
Sometimes I could
kiss your mind, Roy.

180
00:08:55,366 --> 00:08:56,961
OK, so let's just, um...

181
00:08:56,976 --> 00:08:59,440
I don't know,
let's just throw around a few ideas.

182
00:08:59,458 --> 00:09:00,762
OK. OK.

183
00:09:00,778 --> 00:09:03,960
Ah...oh, could we tell her...

184
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:07,361
that there's an apple
inside every Apple Mac?

185
00:09:09,245 --> 00:09:10,201
It's good. Yeah.

186
00:09:11,368 --> 00:09:14,242
We could say that Bill
Gates is called Bill Gates,

187
00:09:14,255 --> 00:09:16,002
because he owns a lot of gates.

188
00:09:16,015 --> 00:09:19,280
Hmmm. That's good,
but it's not quite punchy enough,

189
00:09:19,295 --> 00:09:24,481
and it's probably true now anyway.
I'll bet he does own a lot of gates.

190
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:27,121
He probably does.

191
00:09:30,005 --> 00:09:31,802
It's got to be something big!

192
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,281
I think I may have it.

193
00:09:36,246 --> 00:09:37,363
What?

194
00:09:37,378 --> 00:09:40,522
You best put seatbelts
on your ears, Roy,

195
00:09:40,536 --> 00:09:43,880
cos I'm gonna take them for
the ride of their lives!

196
00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:55,682
Delightful.

197
00:09:55,697 --> 00:09:58,443
Oh, no, no, no. You're silly.

198
00:09:58,457 --> 00:10:02,120
Do you know, I've never been so
enchanted by a woman in all my life.

199
00:10:03,208 --> 00:10:05,360
What's your name again?
I know you told me.

200
00:10:07,208 --> 00:10:08,240
April.

201
00:10:08,257 --> 00:10:10,120
Ah, what a charming name.

202
00:10:10,137 --> 00:10:12,762
Always been one
of my favourites.

203
00:10:12,776 --> 00:10:17,083
April, after dinner,
would you do me the honour

204
00:10:17,095 --> 00:10:18,803
of accompanying me to my bed?

205
00:10:21,168 --> 00:10:22,403
Oh, erm...

206
00:10:22,415 --> 00:10:24,561
No, I've said too much!

207
00:10:24,578 --> 00:10:28,961
I've let my heart overpower my head,
which is my wont.

208
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:31,960
But I don't care.

209
00:10:31,975 --> 00:10:33,120
I find you enchanting.

210
00:10:34,527 --> 00:10:36,483
And there's a condom
machine in the toilet.

211
00:10:42,365 --> 00:10:44,843
I'm very flattered,
Douglas but, erm,

212
00:10:44,856 --> 00:10:48,202
- There's a problem. There's
something I should tell you. 
- Go on.

213
00:10:48,216 --> 00:10:52,001
Erm, I... I have a secret.

214
00:10:52,017 --> 00:10:53,842
I could dance
around the subject,

215
00:10:53,857 --> 00:10:57,003
but I like you, Douglas.
I want to be straight with you. Oh?

216
00:11:00,246 --> 00:11:01,963
I used to be a man, Douglas.

217
00:11:03,528 --> 00:11:05,681
I used to be a man.

218
00:11:05,696 --> 00:11:08,003
I wish there was an easier
way of saying that,

219
00:11:08,017 --> 00:11:10,043
but, believe me, there's not.

220
00:11:10,058 --> 00:11:14,281
I've had a lot of hormone therapy
and a number of operations.

221
00:11:14,297 --> 00:11:16,041
I'm really sorry.

222
00:11:16,058 --> 00:11:18,440
I hope you don't
feel I deceived you.

223
00:11:18,458 --> 00:11:21,042
I understand if you
would rather I left.

224
00:11:22,208 --> 00:11:23,641
I don't care.

225
00:11:26,567 --> 00:11:27,521
What?

226
00:11:28,567 --> 00:11:30,400
Doesn't bother me.

227
00:11:31,486 --> 00:11:33,161
Doesn't bother you at all?

228
00:11:33,177 --> 00:11:36,280
It takes all sorts
to make a world.

229
00:11:36,297 --> 00:11:39,121
Wow, it bothers most men.

230
00:11:39,138 --> 00:11:42,683
I am not most men and
the offer still stands.

231
00:11:42,696 --> 00:11:44,443
Are you up for it?

232
00:11:53,885 --> 00:11:56,842
Amazing, just amazing.

233
00:11:56,856 --> 00:11:58,001
You liked it?

234
00:11:58,015 --> 00:12:01,041
You really know your
way around that area.

235
00:12:02,928 --> 00:12:04,160
Well...

236
00:12:04,176 --> 00:12:07,642
Tell me, what are you doing
tomorrow night, April?

237
00:12:07,658 --> 00:12:10,483
I was thinking of staying
in and watching the darts.

238
00:12:10,498 --> 00:12:11,641
You've read my mind.

239
00:12:13,088 --> 00:12:17,040
# '60s Swing music

240
00:12:58,926 --> 00:13:00,963
What is it?

241
00:13:00,977 --> 00:13:03,080
This, Jen,

242
00:13:03,095 --> 00:13:06,602
is the internet.

243
00:13:12,687 --> 00:13:13,680
What?

244
00:13:13,695 --> 00:13:15,080
That's right.

245
00:13:15,097 --> 00:13:16,520
This is the internet?

246
00:13:18,288 --> 00:13:20,442
The whole internet?

247
00:13:20,457 --> 00:13:21,563
Yep.

248
00:13:21,578 --> 00:13:25,240
I asked for a loan of it,
so that you could use it in your speech.

249
00:13:26,325 --> 00:13:28,122
It's so small.

250
00:13:28,137 --> 00:13:30,760
That's one of the
surprising things about it.

251
00:13:30,778 --> 00:13:34,000
Hang on,
it doesn't have any wires or anything.

252
00:13:34,017 --> 00:13:35,921
It's wireless.

253
00:13:35,938 --> 00:13:39,390
Oh, yes,
everything's wireless nowadays, yeah.

254
00:13:39,458 --> 00:13:41,963
I can use it in my speech?
What if someone needs it?

255
00:13:41,978 --> 00:13:43,521
Oh, no, no, people will

256
00:13:43,537 --> 00:13:45,882
still be able to go online.
It will still work.

257
00:13:45,895 --> 00:13:47,402
Oh, good. Good.

258
00:13:47,417 --> 00:13:50,442
I tell you,
you present this to the shareholders

259
00:13:50,457 --> 00:13:53,243
and you will get
quite a response.

260
00:13:53,255 --> 00:13:54,603
Can I touch it?

261
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,442
Ooh, it's so light.

262
00:14:00,457 --> 00:14:04,083
Of course it is, Jen.
The internet doesn't weigh anything.

263
00:14:04,098 --> 00:14:06,883
Ha-ha. No, of course it doesn't.
Ha-ha. Ha-ha.

264
00:14:09,086 --> 00:14:12,200
Hey! What is Jen doing
with the internet?

265
00:14:14,127 --> 00:14:16,401
Moss said I could
use it for my speech.

266
00:14:16,416 --> 00:14:18,841
Are you insane?
What if she drops it?

267
00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:21,042
I won't drop it,
I'll look after it.

268
00:14:21,058 --> 00:14:26,403
No. No, no, no, no, Jen. No, this
needs to go straight back to Big Ben.

269
00:14:26,415 --> 00:14:28,081
Big Ben?

270
00:14:28,098 --> 00:14:31,400
It goes on top of Big Ben.
That's where you get the best reception.

271
00:14:32,328 --> 00:14:34,680
I promise I won't let
anything happen to it.

272
00:14:34,696 --> 00:14:38,961
No, Jen, I'm sorry. The elders of the
internet would never stand for it.

273
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:42,921
No, no, Roy. I spoke to the elders
of the internet, not one hour ago.

274
00:14:42,936 --> 00:14:45,240
I told them Jen had won
employee of the month

275
00:14:45,257 --> 00:14:49,201
and they were so impressed that they wanted
to do whatever they could to help.

276
00:14:50,366 --> 00:14:54,163
Wait a minute,
the elders of the internet?

277
00:14:54,176 --> 00:15:00,042
The elders of the internet know who
I am? You've got to let me have it!

278
00:15:01,205 --> 00:15:03,283
No, Jen, I'm sorry,
it's just too risky.

279
00:15:03,298 --> 00:15:05,683
Oh, please, Roy.

280
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:10,322
Well, Moss,
has it been completely demagnetised?

281
00:15:11,366 --> 00:15:13,960
By Stephen Hawking himself.

282
00:15:13,977 --> 00:15:15,963
He sends his congratulations.

283
00:15:17,368 --> 00:15:20,721
Well, if it's OK with the Hawk.

284
00:15:21,808 --> 00:15:22,883
So, can I have it?

285
00:15:23,968 --> 00:15:24,923
You can.

286
00:15:34,127 --> 00:15:35,681
Oh, don't forget your speech.

287
00:15:35,696 --> 00:15:36,643
Oh, thank you.

288
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:43,040
Slowly.

289
00:15:53,326 --> 00:15:56,763
April, these past few days
have been like a dream.

290
00:15:56,778 --> 00:16:02,080
Usually, I can't wait to get away
from a woman once I've ejaculated,

291
00:16:03,607 --> 00:16:04,560
but with you,

292
00:16:06,208 --> 00:16:09,003
I don't know, I feel alive.

293
00:16:09,015 --> 00:16:10,880
April, I love you.

294
00:16:11,966 --> 00:16:13,120
What?

295
00:16:13,135 --> 00:16:16,283
That's right,
I totally love the bloody arse off you.

296
00:16:18,088 --> 00:16:20,082
Oh, Douglas, I love you too.

297
00:16:21,126 --> 00:16:22,403
Oh, poppet,

298
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:27,080
to think when we met, you were so
worried that you came from Iran.

299
00:16:35,165 --> 00:16:36,240
What?

300
00:16:36,258 --> 00:16:38,562
When we met. As if I'd be

301
00:16:38,575 --> 00:16:42,042
worried about something like that.
I don't care where you're from.

302
00:16:42,055 --> 00:16:45,121
Iran, France, doesn't bother me.
I'm very modern.

303
00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:46,842
I'm not from Iran.

304
00:16:48,847 --> 00:16:51,203
Well, you said something
along those lines.

305
00:16:51,215 --> 00:16:53,522
No, not Iran, a man.

306
00:16:53,537 --> 00:16:56,841
I said I used to be a man!

307
00:16:56,856 --> 00:16:59,402
You used to be a man?

308
00:17:01,007 --> 00:17:03,923
Yes!

309
00:17:03,936 --> 00:17:05,363
Oh, God!

310
00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:44,482
Well, we have a very interesting
talk lined up for today.

311
00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:47,960
Our employee of the month,
and computer expert, Jen Barber,

312
00:17:47,976 --> 00:17:52,600
has kindly agreed to say a few words
about her role in the IT department.

313
00:17:52,615 --> 00:17:57,360
Now, speaking as someone who doesn't
know the difference between a laptop

314
00:17:57,376 --> 00:18:00,041
and, erm, the larger one,

315
00:18:00,057 --> 00:18:03,203
I'm certainly looking forward
to hearing what she has to say.

316
00:18:13,806 --> 00:18:15,922
Good morning.

317
00:18:15,937 --> 00:18:19,242
When I was asked
to give a speech

318
00:18:19,255 --> 00:18:23,803
about what it is I do and everything,
I was very excited.

319
00:18:23,817 --> 00:18:26,480
At last, I thought,

320
00:18:26,495 --> 00:18:32,803
a chance to explain the wonders
of technology to ordinary folk.

321
00:18:34,448 --> 00:18:40,402
But then I thought, "Who wants to
listen to a boring old speech?"

322
00:18:42,486 --> 00:18:44,000
Wouldn't it be better

323
00:18:44,016 --> 00:18:47,960
if I could actually bring one of
these wonders in to show you it?

324
00:18:47,975 --> 00:18:51,883
Say, oh, I don't know,
the internet!

325
00:18:51,895 --> 00:18:54,321
I think it would - and I have.

326
00:18:54,337 --> 00:18:58,682
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to present to you the internet!

327
00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:02,922
No flash photography,
you'll harm it.

328
00:19:07,287 --> 00:19:08,760
Ladies and gentlemen...

329
00:19:08,777 --> 00:19:10,000
Why's no-one laughing?

330
00:19:10,017 --> 00:19:12,921
If anything were to
happen to this box,

331
00:19:12,937 --> 00:19:17,002
the world as we know it
would fall into chaos.

332
00:19:17,018 --> 00:19:19,960
Planes would drop from the sky,
like tables.

333
00:19:19,976 --> 00:19:24,962
Society would tear itself apart
like an angry child with a napkin.

334
00:19:26,008 --> 00:19:27,761
Man's primeval instinct

335
00:19:27,775 --> 00:19:31,200
to survive at any cost,
would lead to terrible violence,

336
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,360
so, please,
no flash photography.

337
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:42,161
I must say this is all
very impressive, Douglas.

338
00:19:42,176 --> 00:19:43,961
What exactly are
you working on?

339
00:19:43,977 --> 00:19:45,202
I dunno.

340
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:49,882
April, we need to talk.

341
00:19:49,896 --> 00:19:51,880
Darling, couldn't
we do this at home?

342
00:19:51,895 --> 00:19:54,442
I was hoping we'd get
shit-faced and watch telly.

343
00:19:54,456 --> 00:19:58,240
There'll be no more getting
shit-faced and watching telly.

344
00:19:58,256 --> 00:20:01,363
There'll be no more
Steven Seagal marathons,

345
00:20:01,377 --> 00:20:04,040
and there'll be no more
paintballing weekends.

346
00:20:04,056 --> 00:20:08,080
I'm afraid our adventure
has come to an end.

347
00:20:08,096 --> 00:20:10,440
What? But... But why?

348
00:20:10,456 --> 00:20:12,482
It's not you, it's me.

349
00:20:12,495 --> 00:20:14,363
No, actually it's not me,
it is you.

350
00:20:14,376 --> 00:20:15,720
I'm sorry.

351
00:20:15,737 --> 00:20:17,842
You don't think of me as a woman,
do you?

352
00:20:17,856 --> 00:20:19,763
What? Of course I do!

353
00:20:19,775 --> 00:20:21,843
It bothers you that
I used to be a man.

354
00:20:21,855 --> 00:20:25,601
No, I love that you used to be a man.
It's your thing.

355
00:20:26,966 --> 00:20:28,762
I love thinking
about that operation.

356
00:20:29,808 --> 00:20:32,080
Oh, please, look at me.

357
00:20:32,096 --> 00:20:36,043
I am a woman.
This is a woman in front of you.

358
00:20:36,056 --> 00:20:37,401
Excuse me.

359
00:20:37,418 --> 00:20:39,523
I am a woman!

360
00:20:42,167 --> 00:20:44,000
You're tearing me apart.

361
00:20:44,016 --> 00:20:47,042
Please, Douglas...

362
00:20:47,056 --> 00:20:49,801
I'm sorry,
it's beyond my control.

363
00:20:49,817 --> 00:20:52,360
Please, Douglas, please!

364
00:20:52,378 --> 00:20:53,962
Just go.

365
00:20:53,976 --> 00:20:56,042
You're making this
harder for me.

366
00:20:58,888 --> 00:21:03,242
How could you do this?
How could you do this to me?!

367
00:21:09,886 --> 00:21:11,480
You bastard.

368
00:22:02,647 --> 00:22:04,680
And that's what the
flashing light's for.

369
00:22:04,696 --> 00:22:06,280
Any more?

370
00:22:06,295 --> 00:22:07,480
Is it heavy?

371
00:22:07,498 --> 00:22:10,283
Is it heavy?
That's a bit of a silly question.

372
00:22:10,297 --> 00:22:12,240
The internet doesn't
weigh anything.

373
00:22:14,526 --> 00:22:17,283
OK, guys,
I guess I should wrap it up.

374
00:22:18,568 --> 00:22:19,600
No, no.

375
00:22:19,615 --> 00:22:22,040
I really have to finish up.

376
00:22:22,058 --> 00:22:25,283
More! More! More! More!

377
00:22:25,295 --> 00:22:27,563
Guys! Oh, my God,
you really like me.

378
00:22:27,576 --> 00:22:29,243
This really isn't that funny.

379
00:22:29,255 --> 00:22:30,840
I know, it's terrible.

380
00:22:30,855 --> 00:22:33,242
I thought at least we'd
get a good story out it.

381
00:22:33,257 --> 00:22:34,561
Something we'd remember.

382
00:22:40,327 --> 00:22:41,841
It's over, April.

383
00:22:45,048 --> 00:22:47,200
Oh, Jesus.

384
00:22:47,217 --> 00:22:48,280
The internet!

385
00:22:50,645 --> 00:22:51,723
Argh!

386
00:22:52,128 --> 00:22:53,440
We're all gonna die!

387
00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:00,363
Everybody, stay calm!

388
00:23:28,686 --> 00:23:30,321
'He needs to hold his nerve...

389
00:23:35,248 --> 00:23:36,360
'He's done it!'

390
00:23:38,205 --> 00:23:41,243
But it's not the same.

391
00:23:46,526 --> 00:23:48,122
Oh, April.

392
00:23:53,127 --> 00:23:58,123
Resynch: Travis for forom.com
Transcript: Chocolate for english.yyets.net