01 00:00:33,449 --> 00:00:39,519 You wouldn't steal a handbag, 02 00:00:40,346 --> 00:00:43,306 you wouldn't steal a car, 03 00:00:43,705 --> 00:00:45,205 you wouldn't steal a baby... 04 00:00:45,401 --> 00:00:48,491 ...you wouldn't shoot a policeman... 05 00:00:48,907 --> 00:00:51,267 and then steal his helmet. 06 00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:54,605 You wouldn't go to the toilet in his helmet... 07 00:00:55,016 --> 00:00:59,356 ...and then send it to the policeman's grieving widow 08 00:00:59,944 --> 00:01:01,514 and then steal it again! 09 00:01:01,724 --> 00:01:07,414 Downloading films is stealing. 10 00:01:08,191 --> 00:01:11,201 If you do it you WILL face the consequences. 11 00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:18,983 Man, these anti-piracy ads are getting really mean. 12 00:01:19,994 --> 00:01:21,814 I think we're sitting too close to the screen. 13 00:01:22,054 --> 00:01:23,454 The floor's all sticky over here. 14 00:01:23,642 --> 00:01:25,432 All right. OK, let's move back then. 15 00:01:25,678 --> 00:01:33,178 Ahhh. 16 00:01:34,203 --> 00:01:35,593 I still think we're too close. 17 00:01:35,783 --> 00:01:37,313 Well, then sit in the sink. 18 00:01:37,513 --> 00:01:39,503 I'm not sitting in the sink again. 19 00:01:39,772 --> 00:01:41,372 OK, princess. 20 00:01:41,583 --> 00:01:44,143 Your flat is way too small for this telly 21 00:01:44,494 --> 00:01:45,334 That's fantastic. 22 00:01:45,441 --> 00:01:48,411 Ahhh. 23 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:49,957 What's wrong now? 24 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,260 I need to go to the toilet. 25 00:01:51,410 --> 00:01:53,210 Well, then go. 26 00:01:53,451 --> 00:01:58,951 I'll hold it in. 27 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:02,663 PHONE RINGS 28 00:02:03,061 --> 00:02:03,991 Hello? 29 00:02:04,108 --> 00:02:04,988 Hello, Roy. 30 00:02:04,108 --> 00:02:06,468 Hello, Roy. Hello Jeff 31 00:02:06,785 --> 00:02:08,845 Now, you know I changed my name by deed poll... 32 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,759 I'm not calling you Dominator, Jeff. 33 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:12,129 I'm not calling you Dominator,Jeff. But I am Dominator 34 00:02:12,535 --> 00:02:13,785 Whatever. I won't call you it. 35 00:02:13,947 --> 00:02:15,707 Forget it. Um now... listen, 36 00:02:15,944 --> 00:02:18,624 I was just wondering, have you seen the new Tarantino film? 37 00:02:18,983 --> 00:02:20,493 I'm just about to watch it now, Jeff. 38 00:02:20,697 --> 00:02:22,207 I have already seen it. 39 00:02:22,408 --> 00:02:26,178 At the end there's a very unusual twist. 40 00:02:26,697 --> 00:02:28,047 Aw! 41 00:02:28,228 --> 00:02:32,138 Ah no. Oh, now I know there's a twist. 42 00:02:32,666 --> 00:02:34,996 I'm gonna spend the whole film guessing what it is. 43 00:02:35,309 --> 00:02:36,509 Damn you, Dominator. 44 00:02:36,670 --> 00:02:38,210 Try and forget there's a twist. 45 00:02:38,422 --> 00:02:40,582 Oh, how can you forget there's a twist? 46 00:02:40,875 --> 00:02:42,765 Oh, what's wrong with it now? 47 00:02:43,022 --> 00:02:45,802 Oh, come on. If I don't see this film today then 48 00:02:46,180 --> 00:02:49,350 Jeff'll find out some way of telling me what the twist is, I know he will. 49 00:02:49,785 --> 00:02:51,575 Come on! Work! 50 00:02:51,815 --> 00:02:56,185 Oh, look, I have to go. 51 00:02:56,783 --> 00:02:58,693 Moss. 52 00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:01,335 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What's up with you? 53 00:03:01,656 --> 00:03:02,826 I can't do this any more. 54 00:03:02,985 --> 00:03:06,075 Do what? Moss, what are you talking about? Here, let me help... 55 00:03:06,491 --> 00:03:09,081 We're just watching the film, Moss. 56 00:03:09,434 --> 00:03:10,574 Come on Roy, can't you see it? 57 00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:11,594 See what, Moss? 58 00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:14,544 See what, Moss? We go to a film, sometimes the pub, maybe get some dinner 59 00:03:15,068 --> 00:03:18,348 but it just goes on and on, year in, year out. We're stagnating. 60 00:03:18,793 --> 00:03:20,583 You make it sound like we're an old married couple. 61 00:03:18,793 --> 00:03:21,783 You make it sound like we're an old married couple. But we are. Can't you see? 62 00:03:22,184 --> 00:03:25,004 You're my wife, Roy, you're my wife. You're my wife. 63 00:03:25,392 --> 00:03:28,732 We should be married to ladies but we're married to each other. You're my wife. 64 00:03:29,181 --> 00:03:30,211 Could you stop calling me your wife? 65 00:03:29,181 --> 00:03:32,981 Could you stop calling me your wife? You're my wife Roy, and I can't take it anymore 66 00:03:33,498 --> 00:03:40,488 If anything, I'm the husband 67 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:33,339 Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's this? What's this? 68 00:04:33,824 --> 00:04:35,084 Oh, come on. 69 00:04:35,255 --> 00:04:36,215 We don't even have ventilation here. 70 00:04:35,255 --> 00:04:36,995 We don't even have ventilation here. I'll stand over here 71 00:04:35,255 --> 00:04:39,455 We don't even have ventilation here. I'll stand over here I don't care. No. 72 00:04:40,026 --> 00:04:42,456 I don't wanna go out on the street. It's too... 73 00:04:42,784 --> 00:04:44,424 Soviet out there. 74 00:04:44,648 --> 00:04:46,008 Soviet? 75 00:04:46,194 --> 00:04:48,974 Yes. It's cold, everyone looks oppressed. 76 00:04:49,352 --> 00:04:51,282 You know, I remember when smoking was fun. 77 00:04:51,546 --> 00:04:53,146 All the cool kids were doing it. 78 00:04:53,357 --> 00:04:56,117 Every time I want a cigarette now I have to go to Gorky Park. 79 00:04:56,492 --> 00:04:57,422 PHONE RINGS 80 00:04:57,545 --> 00:04:58,105 Don't answer that. 81 00:04:57,545 --> 00:04:59,115 Don't answer that. Why not? 82 00:04:59,324 --> 00:05:02,584 That's a man called Dominator who wants to tell me the twist in a film 83 00:05:03,030 --> 00:05:04,420 that I've been waiting to see for ages. Don't answer it. 84 00:05:04,611 --> 00:05:05,721 Dominator? 85 00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:07,383 His real name is Jeff Hawthorne. 86 00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:08,373 His real name is Jeff Hawthorne. We have to answer the phone 87 00:05:08,715 --> 00:05:11,105 No, we don't. No, look... he'll give up in a second. 88 00:05:11,427 --> 00:05:14,957 I know Jeff. He'll need to go to the toilet in about another two rings. 89 00:05:15,432 --> 00:05:17,422 PHONE RINGS 90 00:05:17,691 --> 00:05:19,711 PHONE RINGS AGAIN 91 00:05:19,985 --> 00:05:22,415 PHONE STOPS RINGING 92 00:05:22,744 --> 00:05:23,944 We're answering the phones. 93 00:05:24,109 --> 00:05:26,099 We are not answering the phones. 94 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:33,488 You all right, Moss? 95 00:05:34,463 --> 00:05:36,093 I've got the blues, Jen. 96 00:05:36,308 --> 00:05:37,788 Why? 97 00:05:37,987 --> 00:05:40,977 Well, Roy and I are becoming like an old married couple. 98 00:05:41,379 --> 00:05:43,419 Oh, will you please stop saying that? 99 00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:45,231 And I'm the husband! 100 00:05:45,433 --> 00:05:48,113 We just seem to do the same thing day in, day out. 101 00:05:48,475 --> 00:05:51,405 I'm stagnating, Jen, like a packet of crisps on the roof. 102 00:05:51,801 --> 00:05:54,741 It seems to me the problem is that you spend too much time together. 103 00:05:55,142 --> 00:05:57,272 You should get out there and meet other people. 104 00:05:57,554 --> 00:05:59,614 Other people? 105 00:05:59,895 --> 00:06:01,305 Yes. 106 00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:05,241 You mean people other than Roy? 107 00:06:05,748 --> 00:06:06,948 Well, yes. 108 00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:10,450 And these "other people", where do they congregate? 109 00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,920 You could do an evening class or something. 110 00:06:13,193 --> 00:06:15,433 Hold on a second. What exactly am I supposed to do 111 00:06:15,733 --> 00:06:18,243 while she's out gallivanting at her night classes and what not? 112 00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,279 You could meet other people as well. 113 00:06:20,509 --> 00:06:23,109 Yeah. I don't like people. 114 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:26,526 Ah, well, now that's not fair, Roy. Have you met all of them? 115 00:06:26,941 --> 00:06:28,891 I've met enough of them. 116 00:06:29,151 --> 00:06:32,601 People! What a bunch of bastards. 117 00:06:33,074 --> 00:06:34,644 PHONE RINGS 118 00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:38,102 Stephanie. ...Yes, hello. 119 00:06:38,542 --> 00:06:41,792 Oh, of course. ..OK. Bye. Ohh...! 120 00:06:42,232 --> 00:06:44,142 I'm off. Douglas is coming down. 121 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:45,350 Douglas, why? 122 00:06:45,474 --> 00:06:48,554 Well, to be honest with you, he's been making advances. 123 00:06:48,968 --> 00:06:50,368 You know, little things like 124 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,600 asking me if I wanna go for a ride in his helicopter. 125 00:06:52,873 --> 00:06:54,553 I'd like to go for a ride in a helicopter. 126 00:06:54,783 --> 00:06:57,463 Well, grow a pair of tits. 127 00:06:57,825 --> 00:07:00,275 Tell you what, if I did have tits, I wouldn't mind 128 00:07:00,602 --> 00:07:03,662 letting someone have a go on them for a ride in a helicopter. 129 00:07:04,077 --> 00:07:06,707 Look who it is, everyone. 130 00:07:07,066 --> 00:07:08,606 It's only me. 131 00:07:08,814 --> 00:07:10,734 Jen, do you have a moment? 132 00:07:10,990 --> 00:07:14,150 No, I don't I'm very busy. I don't wanna go for a ride in a helicopter. 133 00:07:14,580 --> 00:07:16,270 That wasn't what I was gonna ask. 134 00:07:16,494 --> 00:07:17,664 What d'you want, then? 135 00:07:17,821 --> 00:07:19,301 Um... 136 00:07:19,502 --> 00:07:21,482 something work-related? 137 00:07:21,746 --> 00:07:23,706 What department is this? 138 00:07:23,975 --> 00:07:25,675 Sorry? 139 00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:28,710 If it's work-related, obviously you'll know what department this is. 140 00:07:29,092 --> 00:07:32,732 What department is this? 141 00:07:33,231 --> 00:07:35,431 Some sort of, er homosexual department? 142 00:07:35,734 --> 00:07:36,874 IT, it's IT. 143 00:07:37,020 --> 00:07:39,350 IT. I knew that, yes. 144 00:07:39,663 --> 00:07:41,263 That's what I wanted, actually. 145 00:07:41,474 --> 00:07:45,264 You see, my computer's broken and I need someone to fix it. 146 00:07:45,782 --> 00:07:47,352 Roy's your man. 147 00:07:47,561 --> 00:07:49,291 Ergh. 148 00:07:49,521 --> 00:07:53,091 How do you fellas get any work done with a hot piece 149 00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:56,054 of finger licking chicken like that? 150 00:07:56,385 --> 00:07:57,825 Me... 151 00:07:58,014 --> 00:08:00,254 I'd be a 24-hour tripod. 152 00:08:00,558 --> 00:08:02,488 Watch this, it looks good. 153 00:08:02,753 --> 00:08:06,233 Um, yeah, I've actually been really looking forward to seeing this. 154 00:08:06,707 --> 00:08:09,097 You wanna come round to mine? We can watch it there. 155 00:08:09,419 --> 00:08:11,319 I gotta pretty nifty home cinema system. 156 00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:14,648 Um, well, mine is broken but I think that maybe I'll just watch it... 157 00:08:15,069 --> 00:08:17,499 Excellent, that's settled! Seven o'clock tonight. 158 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:20,490 I'll get my PA to phone you with my name and address. 159 00:08:20,854 --> 00:08:22,914 Ciao. 160 00:08:23,197 --> 00:08:25,777 Whoa, there. That's not my office. 161 00:08:26,124 --> 00:08:27,574 Ciao. 162 00:08:27,769 --> 00:08:31,819 Well, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. 163 00:08:32,374 --> 00:08:34,104 And I'm the gander! 164 00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:44,043 I hear the ballet in Prague is excellent this season. 165 00:08:45,373 --> 00:08:46,893 Hello, Yorg. 166 00:08:47,099 --> 00:08:49,179 Hello, Jen. 167 00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:52,522 Terrible isn't it? Every year it gets worse. 168 00:08:52,937 --> 00:08:56,887 First they take away our smoking room, then they push us outside. 169 00:08:57,425 --> 00:09:00,165 I wonder when they will decide just to get it over with and kill us. 170 00:09:00,533 --> 00:09:02,453 Oh,Yorg... 171 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,868 such a pessimist! 172 00:09:05,154 --> 00:09:07,744 Has he gone? 173 00:09:08,094 --> 00:09:08,774 Has who gone? 174 00:09:08,094 --> 00:09:09,734 Has who gone? Bruce Wayne 175 00:09:09,958 --> 00:09:13,648 Oh, he's long gone, although Roy's got a man date with him. 176 00:09:14,145 --> 00:09:16,575 It is not a man date. 177 00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:20,504 I am not a man-woman, we are not married, I am not your wife! 178 00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:23,453 You'd willingly spend time with Douglas? 179 00:09:23,786 --> 00:09:25,686 I really have to see this film soon. 180 00:09:25,946 --> 00:09:27,716 PHONE RINGS 181 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:31,280 Oh, by the way I took your advice about those evening classes. 182 00:09:31,733 --> 00:09:33,723 I'm going to learn how to cook. 183 00:09:33,994 --> 00:09:37,784 Oh, I'm so pleased, Moss! And I have to say women do love a cook. 184 00:09:38,298 --> 00:09:40,008 Well, I answered an ad online. 185 00:09:40,242 --> 00:09:44,382 This time next month, when you want German cuisine, I'm your man. 186 00:09:44,945 --> 00:09:46,075 German cuisine? 187 00:09:46,227 --> 00:09:48,157 Is German cuisine not good? 188 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,221 No. Sounds fine. 189 00:09:50,466 --> 00:09:52,766 There's nothing more romantic than a glass of wine 190 00:09:53,074 --> 00:09:55,604 and some Schweinefleicsh. 191 00:09:55,950 --> 00:09:59,680 Good, because usually when I try something new it ends up a disaster. 192 00:10:00,189 --> 00:10:04,369 (GERMAN ACCENT) Oh...! I got a reply to my advertisement. 193 00:10:04,942 --> 00:10:06,892 Maurice Moss. 194 00:10:07,155 --> 00:10:09,805 Mmm, he sounds delicious! 195 00:10:10,162 --> 00:10:13,642 (CACKLES) 196 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,780 Oh! 197 00:10:27,079 --> 00:10:35,539 Ahh! Guten Abend. I mean hello. 198 00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:37,410 Hello. I'm Moss. 199 00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:40,210 Hello. I'm Moss. Yes, yes, yes. I'm Johan Come in, come in. 200 00:10:40,693 --> 00:10:42,643 Oh. Nice TV. 201 00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:43,313 Ah. 202 00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,643 Ah. Good distance from the sofa 203 00:10:44,882 --> 00:10:49,062 Would you... Would you like a drink? 204 00:10:49,633 --> 00:10:51,113 Ah yeah, white Russian, please. 205 00:10:51,311 --> 00:10:52,471 I don't know that. How d'you make that? 206 00:10:51,311 --> 00:10:56,121 I don't know that. How d'you make that? I don't know. We might as well get to it. 207 00:10:56,782 --> 00:10:57,762 Really? Gosh. 208 00:10:57,897 --> 00:10:59,877 So eager, so brave. 209 00:11:00,141 --> 00:11:03,531 Well, you know, once I've made up my mind to do something, that's it. 210 00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,286 Oh, that's very admirable. 211 00:11:05,455 --> 00:11:07,965 So just do whatever you want with me. I'm ready for anything. 212 00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:11,170 Ah! Well, right, I will I suppose, um... 213 00:11:11,557 --> 00:11:13,597 take your clothes off and we'll get started. 214 00:11:13,875 --> 00:11:15,165 Right. 215 00:11:15,332 --> 00:11:18,742 So how long does this course last? 216 00:11:15,332 --> 00:11:19,882 So how long does this course last? Er, sorry? 217 00:11:20,503 --> 00:11:21,833 How long does this course last? 218 00:11:20,503 --> 00:11:22,893 How long does this course last? Course, what course? 219 00:11:23,211 --> 00:11:25,761 Hang on, take my clothes off? 220 00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:27,453 Yes. 221 00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:29,343 Sorry I'm confused 222 00:11:29,578 --> 00:11:31,028 Well, so am I. 223 00:11:31,223 --> 00:11:32,743 What did you think this was? 224 00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:35,340 Well, I was going to eat you. 225 00:11:35,666 --> 00:11:40,846 I may have misheard you there. 226 00:11:41,553 --> 00:11:44,633 Did you just say that you were going to eat me? 227 00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:46,622 Yes. 228 00:11:46,832 --> 00:11:48,342 Right, you did say that. Yes. 229 00:11:48,544 --> 00:11:50,024 Yeah, no, I'm here for the cookery. 230 00:11:48,544 --> 00:11:51,604 Yeah, no, I'm here for the cookery. No, no, no, this is the cookery. 231 00:11:52,019 --> 00:11:54,919 Look, I've got your advert here... 232 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:55,975 Yes. 233 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,185 Yes. I printed it out. 234 00:11:57,435 --> 00:11:59,155 Yes. 235 00:11:59,391 --> 00:12:00,841 I want to cook with you. 236 00:12:01,032 --> 00:12:03,782 Ah no, no, my English is not so good, um... 237 00:12:04,151 --> 00:12:05,821 Ohhhh! 238 00:12:06,046 --> 00:12:08,716 You want to cook with me, using me, you mean. 239 00:12:09,078 --> 00:12:10,288 Ah yes! Yes. You see. 240 00:12:10,453 --> 00:12:12,193 Oh, yes, yes. 241 00:12:12,429 --> 00:12:14,959 I see where the confusion was. I thought this was a cookery course. 242 00:12:12,429 --> 00:12:17,079 I see where the confusion was. I thought this was a cookery course. Hahaha. No, no. 243 00:12:17,716 --> 00:12:20,806 But you wanted someone who would agree to let you kill and eat them. 244 00:12:21,222 --> 00:12:23,082 Ja,ja. You see? 245 00:12:21,222 --> 00:12:25,422 Ja,ja. You see? That is funny 246 00:12:25,993 --> 00:12:27,253 Ehh. 247 00:12:27,423 --> 00:12:30,453 So you're not interested? 248 00:12:30,865 --> 00:12:32,185 Oh, no, thanks, it's not for me. 249 00:12:32,361 --> 00:12:41,321 How disappointing. 250 00:12:42,549 --> 00:12:45,349 I'm sorry, Johan, this must be such a let down. 251 00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:49,804 Had my tonsils out last month, I could have kept them. 252 00:12:50,363 --> 00:12:51,643 Ahh. 253 00:12:51,808 --> 00:12:56,828 I feel like such a turnip. 254 00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,520 Do you want to watch a film? 255 00:12:59,796 --> 00:13:00,846 OK. 256 00:13:00,985 --> 00:13:02,185 I have Oceans Eleven. 257 00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:05,026 Original or remake? 258 00:13:05,388 --> 00:13:09,368 Well, yeah, you could come over here, we could put on some music, 259 00:13:09,911 --> 00:13:12,591 I could give you a back rub, see what happens. 260 00:13:12,953 --> 00:13:16,013 Oh, no, wait, I've got this guy coming over to watch a DVD. 261 00:13:16,425 --> 00:13:17,905 Another time, maybe. OK. 262 00:13:18,104 --> 00:13:20,184 Oh, and some chicken wings, please. Thank you. 263 00:13:20,464 --> 00:13:22,604 DOORBELL 264 00:13:22,891 --> 00:13:24,211 Ah! 265 00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:28,207 # There's somebody at the door, there's somebody at the door 266 00:13:28,726 --> 00:13:30,486 # There's somebody at the door. # 267 00:13:30,721 --> 00:13:35,501 Hey, it's my G. 268 00:13:36,153 --> 00:13:39,663 Um, I'm really sorry I was late. It was... 269 00:13:40,146 --> 00:13:44,066 It's cool. Hey, you know, we should do this sort of thing more often. 270 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,000 I hate the whole boss/employee thing, don't you? 271 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,467 Yeah. 272 00:13:48,624 --> 00:13:51,574 You wanna seal the deal with a high five? 273 00:13:48,624 --> 00:13:52,804 You wanna seal the deal with a high five? Yes. 274 00:13:53,376 --> 00:13:54,946 (LAUGHS) 275 00:13:55,156 --> 00:13:57,836 So, what are we watching? 276 00:13:55,156 --> 00:14:02,406 So, what are we watching? It's a Tarantino production south Korea zombie movie 277 00:14:03,402 --> 00:14:04,402 Wow! 278 00:14:04,532 --> 00:14:07,002 I didn't know there was a south Korea. OK, put it on. 279 00:14:07,339 --> 00:14:10,649 I've ordered pizza and chicken wings 280 00:14:11,097 --> 00:14:13,217 and there's a cooler beside you, so help yourself to beer. 281 00:14:11,097 --> 00:14:15,387 and there's a cooler beside you, so help yourself to beer. Don't mind if I do. 282 00:14:15,971 --> 00:14:19,131 FILM STARTS 283 00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:28,009 Oh, I've heard of this flick. There's a twist in it, isn't there? 284 00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:30,732 Yeah. 285 00:14:30,945 --> 00:14:33,195 Just... just try and 286 00:14:33,494 --> 00:14:37,704 Forget that and hopefully we'll still be able to enjoy it. 287 00:14:38,276 --> 00:14:41,616 I bet he's a woman, that bloke. No, you think it's the future, 288 00:14:42,065 --> 00:14:43,885 but it's actually set in the past. 289 00:14:44,126 --> 00:14:45,646 It's not Earth. 290 00:14:45,855 --> 00:14:47,105 It's all a dream. 291 00:14:47,267 --> 00:14:50,197 Oh, could you not... could you... could you not try and 292 00:14:50,592 --> 00:14:54,582 guess what the twist is? It's just that might get a little annoying. 293 00:14:55,126 --> 00:14:58,146 But isn't that half the fun, trying to guess the twist? 294 00:14:58,553 --> 00:15:01,073 Er, personally, I think it... 295 00:15:01,414 --> 00:15:04,324 it kind of, it ruins the fun. 296 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,250 Well, I think it makes it more fun. 297 00:15:06,451 --> 00:15:08,371 It's just I don't. 298 00:15:08,626 --> 00:15:12,396 Well, I do and I'm the boss. 299 00:15:12,914 --> 00:15:16,074 I'm your boss. 300 00:15:16,505 --> 00:15:18,425 (IMITATES GUNSHOT) 301 00:15:18,683 --> 00:15:25,583 They're all clones. He's his own brother. 302 00:15:26,531 --> 00:15:28,491 Everyone's a ghost. 303 00:15:28,757 --> 00:15:29,947 Have you still not seen the film yet? 304 00:15:28,757 --> 00:15:31,097 Have you still not seen the film yet? No. 305 00:15:31,415 --> 00:15:33,905 What's that? 306 00:15:34,248 --> 00:15:35,778 What? 307 00:15:35,987 --> 00:15:39,077 It's cold and I'm going out for a cigarette. 308 00:15:39,494 --> 00:15:41,634 Morning. Oh, you must be Jen's mother. 309 00:15:41,921 --> 00:15:44,831 What a night I had last night. 310 00:15:45,231 --> 00:15:46,841 Oh, yes, the cookery, how was it? 311 00:15:47,057 --> 00:15:51,247 I am so embarrassed, I cannot tell you. 312 00:15:51,814 --> 00:15:52,984 What happened? 313 00:15:53,141 --> 00:15:55,391 It wasn't a cookery class at all. 314 00:15:55,699 --> 00:15:57,079 What was it? 315 00:15:57,265 --> 00:15:59,125 He wrote it down wrong, cos his English isn't very good. 316 00:15:57,265 --> 00:16:00,755 He wrote it down wrong, cos his English isn't very good. Always the way. 317 00:16:01,236 --> 00:16:04,076 And it turns out he didn't want to teach me how to cook... 318 00:16:01,236 --> 00:16:05,596 And it turns out he didn't want to teach me how to cook... (THEY GIGGLE) 319 00:16:06,191 --> 00:16:07,851 He wanted to cook me. 320 00:16:08,074 --> 00:16:10,164 THEY LAUGH 321 00:16:10,445 --> 00:16:13,655 THEY STOP LAUGHING 322 00:16:14,093 --> 00:16:15,873 What? 323 00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:18,118 He wanted to eat me. 324 00:16:18,390 --> 00:16:22,490 I know - egg and my face were in alignment. 325 00:16:23,046 --> 00:16:26,326 He wanted to eat you? 326 00:16:26,771 --> 00:16:27,771 Yes. 327 00:16:27,899 --> 00:16:29,129 Oh! 328 00:16:29,295 --> 00:16:30,955 He's one of those German cannibals 329 00:16:31,174 --> 00:16:34,584 He is and he was such a nice man. 330 00:16:35,048 --> 00:16:36,048 Oh, was he? 331 00:16:36,177 --> 00:16:38,767 Yeah. He was a fine young cannibal. 332 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:43,740 Hang on, hang on, he... he... he wanted to eat you. 333 00:16:44,375 --> 00:16:46,235 Yeah, keep up Jen. 334 00:16:46,491 --> 00:16:48,961 So we had a laugh about it and in the end I didn't 335 00:16:49,295 --> 00:16:52,535 really feel like being eaten, so we just watched Ocean's Eleven. 336 00:16:52,974 --> 00:16:53,934 Ah. Original or remake? 337 00:16:52,974 --> 00:16:56,404 Ah. Original or remake? Is that really the most important question? 338 00:16:56,872 --> 00:16:59,852 I... I...hang on, you watched a... you watched a film with him? Yes. 339 00:17:00,262 --> 00:17:01,392 With the man that wanted to eat you? 340 00:17:00,262 --> 00:17:02,732 With the man that wanted to eat you? Who else? 341 00:17:03,071 --> 00:17:04,331 Why didn't you call the police? 342 00:17:03,071 --> 00:17:05,721 Why didn't you call the police? Why would I call the police? 343 00:17:06,084 --> 00:17:07,644 He wanted to eat you! 344 00:17:07,858 --> 00:17:11,038 Only with my consent and, believe me, my consent was not forthcoming. 345 00:17:11,466 --> 00:17:12,626 Good for you, Moss. 346 00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:15,760 But, eh... eating people is illegal. 347 00:17:16,170 --> 00:17:17,730 Only without their consent. 348 00:17:17,934 --> 00:17:19,184 No, Moss, no, no, no. 349 00:17:19,345 --> 00:17:20,755 It's a grey area, give me that. 350 00:17:20,942 --> 00:17:23,052 I knew something was askew. 351 00:17:23,336 --> 00:17:24,906 Whoever heard of German food?! 352 00:17:25,112 --> 00:17:27,732 But you should see his place, it's incredible. 353 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:30,078 He's got a great system, 50 inch TV. 354 00:17:30,348 --> 00:17:31,638 Really? 355 00:17:31,813 --> 00:17:36,323 Maybe we could watch the film at his place! 356 00:17:31,813 --> 00:17:37,403 Maybe we could watch the film at his place! Oh, I don't know Roy, 357 00:17:38,162 --> 00:17:40,722 he's only really interested in people he can eventually eat. 358 00:17:38,162 --> 00:17:42,782 he's only really interested in people he can eventually eat. Ahh. Tell him he can eat me! 359 00:17:43,416 --> 00:17:46,206 Are... are you insane? You've got to call the police. 360 00:17:46,589 --> 00:17:50,029 Oh, Jen, don't be such an old fuddy-duddy. 361 00:17:50,499 --> 00:17:52,279 The world has changed. 362 00:17:52,523 --> 00:17:56,193 If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes 363 00:17:56,697 --> 00:17:59,597 in order to watch a film about zombies then maybe 364 00:17:59,988 --> 00:18:02,838 we should all just move to Iran. 365 00:18:03,230 --> 00:18:06,570 I don't know, Roy, it does seem a little immoral to mislead him. 366 00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:09,069 But then, as Jen pointed out earlier, 367 00:18:09,347 --> 00:18:12,377 being a cannibal's a little immoral too. 368 00:18:12,785 --> 00:18:15,645 I'm in an ethical pickle. 369 00:18:16,029 --> 00:18:18,859 Turns out meeting new people is a lot more complicated than 370 00:18:19,245 --> 00:18:20,905 I'd originally thought. 371 00:18:21,132 --> 00:18:27,142 Psst, Jen. 372 00:18:27,963 --> 00:18:29,313 Yorg. 373 00:18:29,495 --> 00:18:32,595 You cannot smoke here. They are moving us to a new smoking area. 374 00:18:33,015 --> 00:18:34,545 Oh, so the rumours were true. 375 00:18:34,746 --> 00:18:36,076 Quickly, before they see you. 376 00:19:24,865 --> 00:19:31,225 Jen, what are you doing? 377 00:19:32,092 --> 00:19:33,812 It's over, Yorg. 378 00:19:34,041 --> 00:19:36,131 We must fight them Jen 379 00:19:36,415 --> 00:19:39,765 We must all fight them. We must keep smoking until the bitter end. 380 00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:43,310 Yorg. Yorg, such fire. 381 00:19:43,727 --> 00:19:47,827 I am too tired for revolution. 382 00:19:48,380 --> 00:19:51,500 And we've walked (BLEEP) miles. 383 00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:55,094 Goodbye, Yorg. 384 00:19:55,530 --> 00:20:01,990 Taxi! 385 00:20:02,877 --> 00:20:04,807 Let's not fight again. 386 00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:08,741 No. And look, we're out, we're meeting people. 387 00:20:09,244 --> 00:20:10,874 Yes. 388 00:20:11,088 --> 00:20:12,368 Ah? 389 00:20:12,535 --> 00:20:16,475 You were a bit wonky. 390 00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:18,797 Thanks, dear. 391 00:20:19,034 --> 00:20:21,154 Hello! Hello! 392 00:20:21,445 --> 00:20:23,275 Hello! How wonderful! 393 00:20:23,521 --> 00:20:25,341 Johan, this is Roy. Roy, this is Johan. 394 00:20:25,584 --> 00:20:27,724 Hello Johan. I... I brought dessert. 395 00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:31,359 Ahh! Come in. Come in. Ja. 396 00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:33,755 Oh, this is lovely... 397 00:20:34,012 --> 00:20:36,232 Yes. Yes. Lovely. 398 00:20:36,537 --> 00:20:39,887 Oh, isn't this nice. 399 00:20:40,345 --> 00:20:43,955 OK, so we'll watch the film, then I'll tell him I changed my mind. 400 00:20:44,450 --> 00:20:45,520 Ahh! 401 00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:49,742 Lovely and... Oh, wow, now that's a guitar. 402 00:20:50,299 --> 00:20:53,019 So, Roy, ha... 403 00:20:53,391 --> 00:20:56,641 has Moss explained to you my, um... desires. 404 00:20:57,082 --> 00:20:58,192 He has indeed. 405 00:20:58,344 --> 00:20:59,604 And are you interested? 406 00:20:59,775 --> 00:21:01,175 I'm very interested. 407 00:21:01,362 --> 00:21:02,762 Ah, splendid! 408 00:21:02,951 --> 00:21:06,391 Yes. Moss, if you will excuse us. Do you eat in here? 409 00:21:06,855 --> 00:21:07,865 Yes, this way please. 410 00:21:06,855 --> 00:21:09,375 Yes, this way please. Ahh 411 00:21:09,714 --> 00:21:12,414 But, Roy, didn't you want to watch this film that I have here? 412 00:21:12,775 --> 00:21:16,565 Ooh, I'd completely forgotten. 413 00:21:17,079 --> 00:21:20,429 There was that film that I wanted to watch before Johan ate me. 414 00:21:20,887 --> 00:21:22,487 That's right. 415 00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:24,218 There it is there now. 416 00:21:24,425 --> 00:21:25,275 Yes. 417 00:21:24,425 --> 00:21:26,595 Yes. So you want to watch a film? 418 00:21:26,887 --> 00:21:27,907 Yes, thanks. 419 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,190 Is that OK? 420 00:21:29,345 --> 00:21:31,275 Er... Yes, yes, of course. 421 00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:32,800 I'll put it on. 422 00:21:32,970 --> 00:21:38,350 Is it very long? 423 00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:40,219 Two hours, 20. 424 00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:41,187 Ohhh. 425 00:21:41,298 --> 00:21:46,778 Mmm, no, I'll wait. 426 00:21:47,532 --> 00:21:50,572 TV: 'You wouldn't steal a handbag...' 427 00:21:50,988 --> 00:21:52,348 Oh, these piracy warnings... 428 00:21:50,988 --> 00:21:54,088 Oh, these piracy warnings... Tell me about it. 429 00:21:50,988 --> 00:21:55,028 Oh,these piracy warnings... Tell me about it. DOORBELL 430 00:21:55,577 --> 00:21:57,287 Ah, what now? 431 00:21:57,521 --> 00:22:03,561 'You wouldn't shoot a policeman, then steal his helmet...' 432 00:22:04,387 --> 00:22:05,297 Hello, there. 433 00:22:05,418 --> 00:22:06,688 Yes, can I help you? 434 00:22:06,862 --> 00:22:07,822 Police! Don't move! 435 00:22:07,944 --> 00:22:08,844 Ah, ah. Don't move! 436 00:22:08,959 --> 00:22:15,879 If my mouther thinks I'm a cannibal, I'll be for the high jump 437 00:22:08,959 --> 00:22:18,229 If my mouther thinks I'm a cannibal, I'll be for the high jump For once, can we please not bring your mother into it. 438 00:22:19,497 --> 00:22:20,377 Oh, here we go again. 439 00:22:19,497 --> 00:22:21,207 Oh, here we go again. DOOR SLAMS 440 00:22:21,442 --> 00:22:28,972 Well, boys, 441 00:22:30,001 --> 00:22:32,871 we're in a bit of a sticky situation, aren't we? 442 00:22:33,266 --> 00:22:38,946 Where d'you get this film? 443 00:22:39,727 --> 00:22:44,497 This is an illegal copy of a film. 444 00:22:45,144 --> 00:22:49,124 Ohh, um... 445 00:22:49,666 --> 00:22:51,916 Are you not worried that we might be cannibals? 446 00:22:52,225 --> 00:22:53,795 Cannibals? 447 00:22:54,005 --> 00:22:58,115 The man who was with us is a cannibal. 448 00:22:58,674 --> 00:23:00,154 He was going to eat me. 449 00:23:00,353 --> 00:23:03,883 Well, it's not really my area. I do copyright violation, that sort 450 00:23:04,358 --> 00:23:07,048 of thing, but I'll let someone know. Thanks. Anyway... 451 00:23:07,418 --> 00:23:08,958 Where d'you get this? 452 00:23:09,164 --> 00:23:14,994 Interesting film. 453 00:23:15,796 --> 00:23:18,696 Who'd have thought at the end that bloke turned out to be the... 454 00:23:35,210 --> 00:23:50,320