1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:03,702
So two years later,
there's a knock on the door.

2
00:00:03,769 --> 00:00:05,902
Guy opens it, and there
on his porch is the snail,

3
00:00:05,969 --> 00:00:07,936
who says, "What the heck
was all that about?"

4
00:00:08,002 --> 00:00:10,002
(both laughing)

5
00:00:11,335 --> 00:00:13,235
I don't really get it.

6
00:00:13,302 --> 00:00:16,535
Well, see, it took two
years for the snail to...

7
00:00:20,402 --> 00:00:22,835
Not important.

8
00:00:22,835 --> 00:00:25,535
Can I ask you a question?
Sure.

9
00:00:25,535 --> 00:00:27,402
Where do you think
this is going?

10
00:00:28,835 --> 00:00:31,802
To be honest, I was hoping
at least second base.

11
00:00:33,202 --> 00:00:34,802
You're so funny.

12
00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:38,235
You're like
a stand-up comedian.

13
00:00:38,235 --> 00:00:41,268
A Jewish stand-up comedian,
that'd be new.

14
00:00:42,169 --> 00:00:46,302
Actually, I think a lot
of them are Jewish.

15
00:00:46,302 --> 00:00:50,302
No, I was just...
Never mind.

16
00:00:50,302 --> 00:00:53,136
Look, Howard,
this is our third date

17
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,169
and we both know
what that means.

18
00:00:55,169 --> 00:00:58,136
We do?
Sex.

19
00:01:00,335 --> 00:01:02,302
You're kidding.

20
00:01:02,302 --> 00:01:05,002
But I need to know
whether you're looking

21
00:01:05,002 --> 00:01:07,869
for a relationship
or a one-night stand.

22
00:01:07,869 --> 00:01:09,702
Okay, just to be clear:

23
00:01:09,702 --> 00:01:12,702
there's only one
correct answer, right?

24
00:01:12,702 --> 00:01:15,502
It's not like "chicken
or fish" on an airplane?

25
00:01:15,502 --> 00:01:17,735
Maybe you need to think
about it a little.

26
00:01:17,735 --> 00:01:19,869
You know,
it's not unheard of

27
00:01:19,869 --> 00:01:22,969
for a one-night stand to turn
into a relationship.

28
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:28,302
Call me when you figure it out.

29
00:01:30,569 --> 00:01:34,102
Three dates means sex?

30
00:01:37,835 --> 00:01:40,235
Who knew?

31
00:01:42,835 --> 00:01:44,702
Greetings, homies.

32
00:01:45,635 --> 00:01:46,936
Homette.

33
00:01:46,936 --> 00:01:49,468
Why are you back from
your date so early?

34
00:01:49,468 --> 00:01:52,268
In romance,
as in show business,

35
00:01:52,268 --> 00:01:54,769
always leave them wanting more.

36
00:01:56,102 --> 00:01:58,468
What exactly
does that mean?

37
00:01:58,468 --> 00:02:00,502
He struck out.

38
00:02:00,502 --> 00:02:04,136
# Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state #

39
00:02:04,136 --> 00:02:07,468
# Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! #

40
00:02:07,468 --> 00:02:09,102
# The Earth began to cool #

41
00:02:09,102 --> 00:02:11,635
# The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools #

42
00:02:11,635 --> 00:02:14,302
# We built the Wall #
#We built the pyramids#

43
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:16,969
# Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery #

44
00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:18,869
# That all started
with a big bang #

45
00:02:18,869 --> 00:02:20,835
#Bang!#

46
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:27,443
Hey, did either
of you guys know

47
00:02:27,443 --> 00:02:29,050
that three dates
with the same woman

48
00:02:29,051 --> 00:02:30,961
is the threshold for sex?

49
00:02:30,961 --> 00:02:34,078
Actually, I've never
had three dates with
the same woman.

50
00:02:34,917 --> 00:02:37,632
With Penny and me,
it took two years.

51
00:02:37,632 --> 00:02:41,520
Now that I think about it,
that was three dates.

52
00:02:41,521 --> 00:02:44,336
Okay, well, before you
and Penny hooked up,

53
00:02:44,336 --> 00:02:46,816
did she ask for any
kind of commitment?

54
00:02:46,817 --> 00:02:48,961
No, she was pretty clear about

55
00:02:48,962 --> 00:02:51,777
wanting to keep
her options open.

56
00:02:51,777 --> 00:02:54,122
I have something to announce,

57
00:02:54,123 --> 00:02:56,603
but out of respect
for convention, I
will wait for you

58
00:02:56,604 --> 00:02:58,447
to finish your
current conversation.

59
00:02:58,447 --> 00:03:00,089
What are you
talking about?

60
00:03:00,089 --> 00:03:02,268
The cultural paradigm
in which people have sex

61
00:03:02,268 --> 00:03:03,575
after three dates.

62
00:03:03,576 --> 00:03:04,917
I see.

63
00:03:04,917 --> 00:03:07,128
Now, are we talking "date,"
the social interaction,

64
00:03:07,128 --> 00:03:09,608
or "date,"
the dried fruit?

65
00:03:11,788 --> 00:03:14,401
Never mind,
what's your announcement?

66
00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,883
Oh, good, my turn.
Well, this is very exciting

67
00:03:16,883 --> 00:03:18,960
and I wanted you to be
among the first to know...

68
00:03:18,961 --> 00:03:20,134
KRIPKE:
Hey, Cooper.

69
00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:21,507
I hear you're going to be
on the radio

70
00:03:21,508 --> 00:03:23,151
with Ira Flatow
fromScience Fridaynext week.

71
00:03:23,151 --> 00:03:26,837
Thank you, Kripke, for depriving
me of the opportunity

72
00:03:26,837 --> 00:03:29,050
to sharemynews
withmyfriends.

73
00:03:29,051 --> 00:03:31,027
My pleasure.

74
00:03:31,028 --> 00:03:32,838
My "thank you"
was not sincere.

75
00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:35,251
But "my pleasure" is.

76
00:03:35,251 --> 00:03:36,927
Let me ask you

77
00:03:36,927 --> 00:03:40,311
a question: At what point
did National Public Radio

78
00:03:40,312 --> 00:03:42,256
have to start scraping
the bottom of the barrel

79
00:03:42,257 --> 00:03:43,932
for its guests?

80
00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:46,781
Don't answer.
It's rhetorical.

81
00:03:46,782 --> 00:03:49,932
Why are you such a stupid head?

82
00:03:50,704 --> 00:03:53,686
That is also rhetorical.

83
00:03:54,726 --> 00:03:57,172
I'm sorry you had to hear that.

84
00:03:57,172 --> 00:03:59,283
Are you really
going to be on NPR?

85
00:03:59,284 --> 00:04:02,234
Yes, they're interviewing me
by phone from my office,

86
00:04:02,234 --> 00:04:04,278
regarding the recent so-called
"discovery"

87
00:04:04,279 --> 00:04:06,658
of magnetic monopoles
in spin-ices.

88
00:04:06,658 --> 00:04:09,407
It's pledge week and they're
trying to goose the ratings

89
00:04:09,407 --> 00:04:11,183
with a little controversy.

90
00:04:11,987 --> 00:04:13,629
Very cool,
congratulations.

91
00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:15,875
Thank you.
My mother is very excited.

92
00:04:15,876 --> 00:04:18,792
She's convening herBiblestudy
group to listen in,

93
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:21,272
and then pray for my soul.

94
00:04:22,211 --> 00:04:23,618
I was on the radio once.

95
00:04:23,619 --> 00:04:25,931
I called in
to Fever 104 FM New Delhi

96
00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:28,378
and was the fourth person
to say the phrase that pays:

97
00:04:28,379 --> 00:04:32,098
"Fever 104,aajke naye
acchha sangeetka ghar."

98
00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:36,557
That means: "Fever 104,

99
00:04:36,557 --> 00:04:39,104
home of the really
good current music."

100
00:04:41,785 --> 00:04:43,462
It's much catchier
in Hindi.

101
00:04:45,607 --> 00:04:49,092
All right. These are
the talking points

102
00:04:49,093 --> 00:04:51,740
for my NPR
interview tomorrow.

103
00:04:51,740 --> 00:04:53,751
I need to make sure
that they're simple enough

104
00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:57,002
for the less educated in
the audience to understand.

105
00:04:57,003 --> 00:05:00,657
Howard, look this over
and tell me what's
unclear to you.

106
00:05:00,658 --> 00:05:03,271
Excuse me, I have a master's
degree in engineering

107
00:05:03,271 --> 00:05:05,382
from the Massachusetts Institute
of Technology.

108
00:05:05,383 --> 00:05:08,098
It required the completion
of 144 units of grad work

109
00:05:08,098 --> 00:05:09,539
andan original thesis.

110
00:05:09,540 --> 00:05:12,154
Yes.

111
00:05:12,154 --> 00:05:14,701
Look this over
and tell me what's
unclear to you.

112
00:05:16,612 --> 00:05:18,388
You know, when Sheldon
gives you homework,

113
00:05:18,389 --> 00:05:20,299
you don't have to do it.

114
00:05:20,299 --> 00:05:22,007
In fact, it's better
if you don't,

115
00:05:22,008 --> 00:05:24,254
otherwise it makes
the rest of us look bad.

116
00:05:25,461 --> 00:05:27,874
Hi, guys.
Hey.
Hello.

117
00:05:27,874 --> 00:05:29,382
Yo, Raj, talk to me.

118
00:05:37,595 --> 00:05:39,471
I'm sorry,
just screwing with you.

119
00:05:42,153 --> 00:05:44,801
Hey, Howard, why haven't
you called Bernadette?

120
00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:46,309
Did she say something?

121
00:05:46,309 --> 00:05:48,018
Yeah, she said she hasn't
heard from you in a week.

122
00:05:48,019 --> 00:05:49,192
I thought you liked her?

123
00:05:49,192 --> 00:05:51,605
I do, but she wants a commitment

124
00:05:51,606 --> 00:05:54,019
and I'm not sure she's my type.

125
00:05:54,019 --> 00:05:55,661
She agreed to go out
with you for free.

126
00:05:55,661 --> 00:05:57,337
What more do you need?

127
00:05:57,337 --> 00:05:59,750
Look, Bernadette is really nice.

128
00:05:59,751 --> 00:06:02,030
I just always thought
when I finally settle down

129
00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:04,174
into a relationship,
it would be with someone,

130
00:06:04,175 --> 00:06:05,985
you know, different.

131
00:06:05,985 --> 00:06:07,493
Different how?

132
00:06:07,494 --> 00:06:11,717
Well, you know, more like
Megan Fox fromTransformers.

133
00:06:12,488 --> 00:06:13,795
Or Katee Sackhoff

134
00:06:13,795 --> 00:06:15,738
fromBattlestar Galactica.

135
00:06:15,739 --> 00:06:18,152
Are you high?

136
00:06:19,158 --> 00:06:20,733
You'd have a better shot
with the three-breasted

137
00:06:20,734 --> 00:06:23,213
Martian hooker
fromTotal Recall.

138
00:06:24,453 --> 00:06:27,169
Okay, now you're just
being unrealistic.

139
00:06:28,074 --> 00:06:29,716
Anyway, that movie
was like 20 years ago.

140
00:06:29,717 --> 00:06:32,397
Imagine how saggy
those thing would be.

141
00:06:35,750 --> 00:06:38,900
Howard, you're going
to throw away a great
girl like Bernadette

142
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:41,581
because you're holding out
for some ridiculous fantasy?

143
00:06:41,582 --> 00:06:45,536
Hey, just because you settled
doesn't mean I have to.

144
00:06:46,945 --> 00:06:49,391
Excuse me,
I'm sitting here.

145
00:06:50,197 --> 00:06:52,475
Hey, I did not
settle for Leonard.

146
00:06:52,476 --> 00:06:56,666
I mean, obviously,
he isn't the kind of guy
I usually go out with...

147
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:59,079
you know, physically.

148
00:06:59,079 --> 00:07:01,391
Again, I'm right here.

149
00:07:02,364 --> 00:07:04,508
My point is, I do not
judge a book by its cover.

150
00:07:04,509 --> 00:07:06,185
I am interested
in the person underneath.

151
00:07:06,185 --> 00:07:08,597
I am here, right?
You see me.

152
00:07:13,828 --> 00:07:18,017
Hey, I'm interested
in what's inside people, too,

153
00:07:18,017 --> 00:07:21,268
but why is it wrong to want
those insides wrapped up in,

154
00:07:21,269 --> 00:07:24,955
say, the delicious caramel
that is Halle Berry?

155
00:07:26,129 --> 00:07:29,380
Yes, you're delicious
caramel, too.

156
00:07:34,676 --> 00:07:36,016
All right, you know what,
I will tell you

157
00:07:36,016 --> 00:07:37,658
why it's wrong...
Excuse me,
may I interject?

158
00:07:37,659 --> 00:07:38,664
What?

159
00:07:38,664 --> 00:07:40,542
Biologically speaking,

160
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:43,592
Howard is perfectly justified
in seeking out the optimum mate

161
00:07:43,592 --> 00:07:46,272
for the propagation
of his genetic line.

162
00:07:46,273 --> 00:07:48,486
Thank you, Sheldon.
Now, whether that

163
00:07:48,486 --> 00:07:50,664
propagation is in the interest
of humanity is, of course,

164
00:07:50,665 --> 00:07:52,509
an entirely different question.

165
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,066
(on radio):
This is Ira Flatow
and you're listening

166
00:07:57,067 --> 00:08:00,016
to NPR'sScience Friday.

167
00:08:00,016 --> 00:08:01,491
Joining us today by phone
(helium hissing)

168
00:08:01,491 --> 00:08:03,970
from his office
in Pasadena, California

169
00:08:03,971 --> 00:08:06,015
is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

170
00:08:06,016 --> 00:08:08,765
Oh, this is going to be a riot.

171
00:08:11,279 --> 00:08:13,323
FLATOW:
Thanks for being
with us today, Dr. Cooper.

172
00:08:13,323 --> 00:08:16,004
My pleasure, Ira.

173
00:08:16,005 --> 00:08:18,987
Now, let's talk about
magnetic monopoles.

174
00:08:18,987 --> 00:08:23,043
Can you explain to our audience
just what a monopole is?

175
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,217
Of course.

176
00:08:24,217 --> 00:08:28,641
First, consider an ordinary
magnet which has,

177
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,284
(pitch raises):
as even the most uneducated

178
00:08:30,284 --> 00:08:33,065
in your audience
must know, two poles.

179
00:08:33,065 --> 00:08:35,009
(clears throat)

180
00:08:35,010 --> 00:08:38,160
(pitch raises):
A north and south pole.

181
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,680
If you cut that in half,
you have two smaller magnets,

182
00:08:41,681 --> 00:08:44,429
each with its own
north and south pole.

183
00:08:44,429 --> 00:08:47,445
Uh, Dr. Cooper,
I think there might be

184
00:08:47,446 --> 00:08:48,954
something wrong
with our connection.

185
00:08:48,954 --> 00:08:52,338
(higher pitch):
No, I hear you fine.

186
00:08:52,339 --> 00:08:56,496
As I was saying, an ordinary
magnet has two poles.

187
00:08:56,496 --> 00:08:59,076
The primary characteristic
of a monopole

188
00:08:59,076 --> 00:09:02,696
is that it has only one pole,
hence, monopole.

189
00:09:04,205 --> 00:09:06,316
SHELDON (over radio):
A requirement for string theory,

190
00:09:06,316 --> 00:09:08,259
or M-theory, if you will,

191
00:09:08,260 --> 00:09:11,043
is the existence
of such monopoles.

192
00:09:11,043 --> 00:09:13,287
I, myself, led an expedition

193
00:09:13,288 --> 00:09:15,399
to the Arctic Circle
in search of said particles.

194
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:18,048
Kripke, I found the nozzle!
I'm going to kill you!

195
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,309
So nice you could
join me this evening.

196
00:09:26,309 --> 00:09:28,518
You're looking lovely as always.

197
00:09:29,992 --> 00:09:31,263
Thanks, Howard.

198
00:09:31,264 --> 00:09:34,077
Always nice to be part
of your masturbatory fantasies.

199
00:09:36,187 --> 00:09:37,424
Come on, Katee.

200
00:09:37,426 --> 00:09:39,132
Don't make it sound so cheap.

201
00:09:39,134 --> 00:09:41,577
I'm sorry, fiddling
with yourself in the bathtub

202
00:09:41,579 --> 00:09:43,420
is a real class act.

203
00:09:45,529 --> 00:09:47,137
Thank you.

204
00:09:47,137 --> 00:09:50,016
So, shall we get started?

205
00:09:51,122 --> 00:09:52,996
Sure.

206
00:09:52,997 --> 00:09:54,872
But can I ask you
a question first?

207
00:09:54,873 --> 00:09:57,316
Do you want to play
Cylon and colonist?

208
00:09:57,316 --> 00:09:58,689
No.

209
00:09:58,690 --> 00:10:00,531
I want to know why you're
playing make-believe with me

210
00:10:00,531 --> 00:10:02,438
when you could be out
with a real woman tonight.

211
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,549
You mean, Bernadette?

212
00:10:04,550 --> 00:10:06,759
No, I mean Princess Leia.

213
00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:08,400
Of course
I mean Bernadette.

214
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,580
She's a wonderful girl
and she really likes you.

215
00:10:11,582 --> 00:10:14,394
I know, but she's not you.

216
00:10:14,395 --> 00:10:16,670
I'm not me.

217
00:10:17,609 --> 00:10:18,713
The real me is in Beverly Hills

218
00:10:18,714 --> 00:10:20,420
going out with a tall,
handsome, rich guy.

219
00:10:20,421 --> 00:10:21,692
Really? Tall?

220
00:10:21,694 --> 00:10:24,373
Six-four.
Ouch.

221
00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:27,018
The point is, you've got
a wonderful girl in your life,

222
00:10:27,019 --> 00:10:28,959
and you're ignoring her
in order to spend your nights

223
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:32,175
in the bathtub with a mental
image and a wash cloth.

224
00:10:34,586 --> 00:10:36,259
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Howard!

225
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:38,503
What are you
doing in there?

226
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:40,445
I'm taking a bath!

227
00:10:40,447 --> 00:10:42,488
I hope that's all
you're doing!

228
00:10:42,489 --> 00:10:44,664
We share that tub!

229
00:10:47,010 --> 00:10:49,219
Don't remind me!

230
00:10:51,864 --> 00:10:53,537
Oh, man.

231
00:10:53,539 --> 00:10:57,323
All soaped up
and no place to go.

232
00:11:01,207 --> 00:11:03,082
(knocking at door)

233
00:11:04,857 --> 00:11:06,196
How ya doin', buddy?

234
00:11:06,197 --> 00:11:08,774
I was humiliated
on national radio.

235
00:11:08,774 --> 00:11:09,946
How do you think I'm doing?

236
00:11:09,947 --> 00:11:11,754
Come on, it wasn't
that bad.

237
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:13,496
(sighs):
What do you want?

238
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,673
(munchkin voice):
We represent
the Lollipop Guild,

239
00:11:15,673 --> 00:11:17,848
and we want you.

240
00:11:22,505 --> 00:11:25,618
Okay, so Kripke
played a joke on you.

241
00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:26,924
It wasn't funny.

242
00:11:26,924 --> 00:11:29,033
I thought it was funny.
Raj.

243
00:11:29,034 --> 00:11:30,339
You laughed.

244
00:11:31,780 --> 00:11:33,186
Did you laugh?

245
00:11:34,593 --> 00:11:36,601
I fell on the floor.

246
00:11:37,907 --> 00:11:39,580
All right, he got you.

247
00:11:39,582 --> 00:11:40,988
You can get him back.

248
00:11:40,988 --> 00:11:43,230
I refuse to sink to his level.

249
00:11:43,232 --> 00:11:45,408
You can't sink.
With all that helium in you,

250
00:11:45,409 --> 00:11:47,618
you're lucky you don't
(high pitched): float away.

251
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,775
Are you really
admitting defeat?

252
00:11:52,776 --> 00:11:54,247
I never admit defeat.

253
00:11:54,248 --> 00:11:55,420
Good.

254
00:11:55,421 --> 00:11:56,658
However, on an unrelated topic,

255
00:11:56,659 --> 00:11:59,571
I am never getting out
of this bed again.

256
00:11:59,573 --> 00:12:01,682
What if you could
make Kripke

257
00:12:01,682 --> 00:12:03,589
look even sillier
than he made you look?

258
00:12:03,591 --> 00:12:04,763
I don't think
that's possible, dude.

259
00:12:04,763 --> 00:12:06,201
You're not helping.

260
00:12:06,203 --> 00:12:09,283
I didn't come to help,
I came to mock.

261
00:12:10,523 --> 00:12:12,900
Sheldon, what you need to do
is figure out a way

262
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:15,745
to exact vengeance on Kripke,
like, uh,

263
00:12:15,746 --> 00:12:19,227
like, how the Joker got back
at Batman for putting him

264
00:12:19,229 --> 00:12:22,242
in the Arkham Asylum
for the Criminally Insane.
That's true.

265
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,949
He didn't just stay there
and talk about his feelings

266
00:12:23,951 --> 00:12:25,357
with the other
psychotic villains.

267
00:12:25,357 --> 00:12:28,805
He, he broke out and poisoned
Gotham's water supply.

268
00:12:30,849 --> 00:12:32,655
Well...

269
00:12:32,656 --> 00:12:34,832
I suppose I could poison Kripke.
No!

270
00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:36,339
No.
It's a simple matter.

271
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:37,846
There are several toxic
chemicals

272
00:12:37,847 --> 00:12:40,860
that'd be untraceable
in an autopsy.

273
00:12:41,865 --> 00:12:44,275
Okay, uh, that's the spirit,

274
00:12:44,276 --> 00:12:46,653
but, um, let's dial it back

275
00:12:46,654 --> 00:12:49,800
to a non-lethal form
of vengeance.

276
00:12:49,801 --> 00:12:52,177
Oh!

277
00:12:52,178 --> 00:12:55,291
How about we whoopee cushion
on his office chair?

278
00:12:56,431 --> 00:12:57,703
He'll sit down,
it'll sound like

279
00:12:57,704 --> 00:13:00,147
he's flatulent,
even though he's not.

280
00:13:01,991 --> 00:13:03,631
Let's keep thinking.

281
00:13:08,084 --> 00:13:09,926
Oh, gee,
you're too late.

282
00:13:09,927 --> 00:13:12,303
Scarlett Johansson and
Wonder Woman were just in here

283
00:13:12,304 --> 00:13:15,183
trolling around for
neurotic, little weasels.

284
00:13:15,184 --> 00:13:18,063
I came to talk to Bernadette.
She's working today, right?

285
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:20,573
Yes, but I don't think
she wants to see you.

286
00:13:20,574 --> 00:13:21,612
Why not?

287
00:13:21,614 --> 00:13:23,319
Come on, Howard.
You hurt her feelings

288
00:13:23,319 --> 00:13:24,758
by not calling her all week.

289
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:28,174
Plus, I've kind of been
talkin' some smack about ya.

290
00:13:29,014 --> 00:13:30,185
Hello, Howard.

291
00:13:30,186 --> 00:13:32,328
Wait, Bernadette,
I need to talk to you.

292
00:13:32,328 --> 00:13:33,465
I can't now, I'm working.

293
00:13:33,466 --> 00:13:35,006
This will only take a second.

294
00:13:35,007 --> 00:13:36,781
You asked me
to think about where

295
00:13:36,782 --> 00:13:39,727
our relationship
was going, and I did.

296
00:13:40,633 --> 00:13:42,507
Bernadette?

297
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:48,836
Will you marry me?

298
00:13:50,544 --> 00:13:53,892
Is this more comedy
that I don't understand?

299
00:13:53,893 --> 00:13:56,873
No. I'm serious.

300
00:13:56,874 --> 00:13:59,484
I'm never going to find
another girl like you

301
00:13:59,485 --> 00:14:03,403
who likes me and is,
you know, real.

302
00:14:05,446 --> 00:14:06,852
So, this isn't a joke?

303
00:14:06,852 --> 00:14:09,597
No.
Then you're insane.

304
00:14:10,770 --> 00:14:14,252
I prefer to think
of myself as quirky.

305
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:16,629
Howard, we've only
been on three dates.

306
00:14:16,630 --> 00:14:18,739
We haven't even had sex yet.

307
00:14:18,739 --> 00:14:19,943
Fair enough.

308
00:14:19,945 --> 00:14:22,054
When's your break?

309
00:14:22,054 --> 00:14:24,230
Wow.

310
00:14:26,642 --> 00:14:30,056
Don't you just hate
when this happens?

311
00:14:30,057 --> 00:14:32,534
Wow.

312
00:14:35,349 --> 00:14:39,500
All right,
how's this for revenge?

313
00:14:39,501 --> 00:14:41,978
A solution of
hydrogen peroxide,

314
00:14:41,979 --> 00:14:45,561
and one of saturated
potassium iodide.

315
00:14:45,562 --> 00:14:46,733
What's this?

316
00:14:46,733 --> 00:14:48,942
Mountain Dew.

317
00:14:51,121 --> 00:14:53,230
Ahh, refreshing.

318
00:14:53,230 --> 00:14:55,339
Now, we're going to
combine these chemicals

319
00:14:55,340 --> 00:14:56,712
with ordinary dish soap,

320
00:14:56,712 --> 00:15:01,232
creating alittleexothermic
release of oxygen.

321
00:15:04,716 --> 00:15:06,858
(all exclaiming)

322
00:15:12,651 --> 00:15:14,157
Foamy vengeance.

323
00:15:14,158 --> 00:15:15,395
Yes, exactly.

324
00:15:15,397 --> 00:15:17,573
This is brilliant, Sheldon.

325
00:15:17,574 --> 00:15:19,616
How are we going to deploy it
in Kripke's office?

326
00:15:19,617 --> 00:15:21,491
Already taken care of.

327
00:15:21,491 --> 00:15:23,767
Observe.
(typing)

328
00:15:23,769 --> 00:15:27,618
This is a live shot
of Kripke's lab via a mini

329
00:15:27,619 --> 00:15:30,364
webcam I was able to install,
thanks to a dollar bill

330
00:15:30,365 --> 00:15:32,676
discreetly placed in the night
janitor's shirt pocket.

331
00:15:32,676 --> 00:15:34,048
At the same time,

332
00:15:34,048 --> 00:15:36,123
I also secured large quantities

333
00:15:36,124 --> 00:15:39,204
of these chemicals above
the tiles in the drop ceiling.

334
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:40,846
Oh, Sheldon,

335
00:15:40,847 --> 00:15:42,688
you remind me
of a young Lex Luthor.

336
00:15:42,688 --> 00:15:44,060
(chuckles)

337
00:15:45,735 --> 00:15:47,844
You flatter me, sir.

338
00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:50,121
Let me guess:
motion sensors?
Yes.

339
00:15:50,122 --> 00:15:51,996
The reaction will be triggered

340
00:15:51,996 --> 00:15:54,105
when Kripke reaches
the center of the room.

341
00:15:54,106 --> 00:15:56,316
Mwah, ha, ha.

342
00:15:58,861 --> 00:16:01,673
I gotta say,
I am really impressed.

343
00:16:01,674 --> 00:16:04,519
This is truly the Sheldon Cooper
way to get even.

344
00:16:04,521 --> 00:16:06,697
(whoopee cushion expels)

345
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:12,087
It may be low-tech,

346
00:16:12,088 --> 00:16:14,834
but I still maintain the whoopee
cushion has comic validity.

347
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,048
Here comes Kripke!

348
00:16:18,049 --> 00:16:19,755
LEONARD:
Who is that with him?

349
00:16:19,757 --> 00:16:22,636
KOOTHRAPPALI:
I believe that's
the president of the university.

350
00:16:22,636 --> 00:16:24,409
And the board
of directors.
Abort! Abort!

351
00:16:24,411 --> 00:16:25,549
There is no "abort."

352
00:16:25,550 --> 00:16:27,122
How could you not put in
an "abort?"

353
00:16:27,124 --> 00:16:29,534
I made a boo-boo, all right?

354
00:16:29,535 --> 00:16:31,410
KRIPKE:
I think the board
will really appreciate

355
00:16:31,410 --> 00:16:34,355
how well we're using that
NSA grant, President Seibert.

356
00:16:34,356 --> 00:16:36,632
Right here we have
a micro-controlled plasma...

357
00:16:44,101 --> 00:16:47,046
Wow. Looks like the
Ganges on laundry day.

358
00:16:49,928 --> 00:16:51,734
At least they don't know
it was you.

359
00:16:51,735 --> 00:16:53,241
(chiming)

360
00:16:53,242 --> 00:16:54,815
SHELDON (on computer):
Hello, Kripke.

361
00:16:54,816 --> 00:16:57,193
This classic prank
comes to you

362
00:16:57,194 --> 00:17:01,077
from the malevolent mind
of Sheldon Cooper.

363
00:17:01,079 --> 00:17:02,885
If you'd like to see the look

364
00:17:02,885 --> 00:17:05,529
on your stupid face,
this video is being

365
00:17:05,531 --> 00:17:08,076
instantly uploaded to YouTube.

366
00:17:08,077 --> 00:17:10,922
Oh, and a hat tip
to Leonard Hofstadter

367
00:17:10,923 --> 00:17:14,138
and Raj Koothrappali
for their support

368
00:17:14,138 --> 00:17:16,748
and encouragement
in this enterprise.

369
00:17:19,161 --> 00:17:20,498
Well, I'm going back to India.

370
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:22,040
What's your plan?

371
00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:27,972
Hey, here's your tip
from table seven.

372
00:17:27,972 --> 00:17:29,337
Oh, thanks.
Mm-hmm.

373
00:17:29,338 --> 00:17:30,568
WOLOWITZ:
Testing. Check.

374
00:17:30,568 --> 00:17:31,932
Check two.

375
00:17:33,129 --> 00:17:34,699
Oh, now what?

376
00:17:34,701 --> 00:17:36,509
You want me
to throw him out?

377
00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:37,705
No, that's okay.

378
00:17:37,706 --> 00:17:40,232
Are you sure? He's small.

379
00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:42,828
I bet I can get a nice,
tight spiral on him.

380
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,244
I want to dedicate this number

381
00:17:46,244 --> 00:17:49,181
to a great gal
who I've done wrong.

382
00:17:51,061 --> 00:17:54,576
(plays The Four Tops'
"Bernadette")
# Bernadette #

383
00:17:54,577 --> 00:17:57,514
# I am so sorry for #

384
00:17:57,514 --> 00:17:59,972
# Trying to propose to you #

385
00:17:59,974 --> 00:18:02,262
# Bernadette #

386
00:18:02,262 --> 00:18:04,754
# You found it creepy #

387
00:18:04,756 --> 00:18:08,785
# But that's just
the kind of thing I do #

388
00:18:08,786 --> 00:18:11,005
# Ahh... #

389
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:15,035
# I know now it was too soon
to talk of love #

390
00:18:15,036 --> 00:18:19,407
# It was just a crazy idea that
came to me in my tub #

391
00:18:19,408 --> 00:18:22,447
# But, Bernadette,
give me one more chance #

392
00:18:22,447 --> 00:18:23,778
(falsetto):
# Sweet Bernadette #

393
00:18:23,780 --> 00:18:25,555
# I'll get the hang
of this thing #

394
00:18:25,555 --> 00:18:27,672
# They call romance,
Sweet Bernadette #

395
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,858
# I dream to once again #

396
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:32,623
# Kiss your lips,
Sweet Bernadette #

397
00:18:32,625 --> 00:18:34,332
# Sincerely yours #

398
00:18:34,334 --> 00:18:36,621
# Howard Wolowitz #

399
00:18:36,621 --> 00:18:38,054
# Bernadette... #

400
00:18:38,056 --> 00:18:42,154
Oh, I am so sorry.
Are you kidding?

401
00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:45,398
That's the most romantic thing
anyone's ever done for me.

402
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,243
# Bernadette! #
Thank you, Cheesecake Factory!